Feedback on REU program statement of purpose

[Takuza]

I don't think anyone really likes these threads, but I could use some assistance. Could anyone offer me some criticism on my statement of purpose below, for an REU? This one is really an amalgamation of a couple of ones that I wrote for specifically for different programs, which all more of less asked me to briefly explain why I was interested in research and the fields I was interested in, as well as describing past experiences. In this way instead of posting 6 different ones, I will just absorb what I learn from this one. I am particularly concerned with the opening

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EnqonVHP8Tw1MPGPet3GTwzIRAbToMVYui7qQ20Xox4/edit

any suggestions/criticisms would be appreciated, thanks. Also let me know if you cannot access the doc

 

[Takuza]

Gonna go ahead and violate the rules with this one time bump.

 

[micromass]

Gonna go ahead and violate the rules with this one time bump.

Don't worry, bumping once is not against the rules

 

[FalconOne]

I would totally be down to proofreading this, but I'm one of the cool kids that only has Hotmail and has no intention of getting a Google Docs account until I absolutely have to. Please feel free to PM the document to me.

 

[phinds]

Don't worry, bumping once is not against the rules

He was probably thinking of the 24-hour rule:

Do not "bump" one of your threads to the top of a forum's thread list by posting a basically empty message to it, until at least 24 hours have passed since the latest post in the thread; and then do it only once per thread.

But I congratulate him on KNOWING the rules

 

[FalconOne]

I responded to your message.

Anyone who was wondering - the Google doc has been taken down.