Funny Story: Driving a Funeral Van for 25 Years

[BoulderHead]

Here's another 'old fogie' one...

An old man at a retirement community center was boasting to a group of his friends about his new hearing aid; It’s the most comfortable I’ve ever owned, the batteries last much longer than they did with my old unit, but the best thing is that I can actually hear so much better now. I can hear birds chirping in the trees, faint whispers being exchanged, the honk of a horn as I’m driving, and much more.
Nearly everyone in the group he is speaking to becomes excited and wants to know more. One of them asks; What kind is it?
The man glances at his wristwatch and replies; It’s three-thirty!

 

[JamesU]

I found this on another forum: (I know this thread's old but it was on the first search page)

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator
understands their internal logic;

2. The native language
they use to communicate
with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes
are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make
a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending
half your paycheck
on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything
with them,
you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data
but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed
to help you solve problems,
but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one,
you realize that if you
had waited a little longer,
you could have gotten
a better model.

The women won.

 

[Superplayer]

A joke-potential & reality

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for
help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask
your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then
go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then
come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a
million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million
dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "O my god! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out.
Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

 

[Izzhov]

I was once in a heated debate with a sexist man, and he showed me a mathematical proof that women are evil which left me quite stumped:
Step one: women take time and money.
Women = Time \times Money
Step two: time is money, so women are money squared.
Time = Money,
so Women = (Money)^2
Step three: money is the root of all evil, so women are the square root of evil squared, i.e. women are evil.
Money = \sqrt{Evil},
so Women = \sqrt{Evil}^2,
or Women = Evil.
QED

 

[rootX]

Some home remedies:
http://dysan.net/weird/show/704.html

As most people here keep on getting into troubles, so this might be pretty useful :)&

http://s.mcstatic.com/Flash/vp/EmbedVideoPlayer_5.1.0.6.swf?itemID=1277415&mediaURL=http://akvideos.metacafe.com/ItemFiles/ [From%20www.metacafe.com]%201277415.6757070.11.flv&normalizedTitle=&isViral=false&isWatermarked=false&postrollContentURL=http:/