Great, I think I made a prof mad with my decision

  • Thread starter gravenewworld
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In summary: It sounds like he was able to line up a lot of things for you! However, you sound like you definitely made sure he knew you were still deciding. He should know better.
  • #1
gravenewworld
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I declined an offer at a school, wrote an email explaining to one of the profs at the school (who was pushing REALLY hard to get me to go there) why I chose to attend another school, and can tell that he is extremely upset/mad (?). Great, I haven't even entered the field yet and I'm already making enemies! :eek:
 
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  • #2
You were nice enough to explain the reasons for your choice, so try and stop worrying, you did all you could. Personally, I find it extremely weird he'd be upset by this*, and you shouldn't let other people's whims bother you that much. Having said that, it would probably bother me, as well, but just from a rational perspective, you did nothing wrong*.

* unless you led him to believe you would be attending "his" school, later changed your mind, and did both of those things in a disrespectful manner
 
  • #3
gravenewworld said:
I declined an offer at a school, wrote an email explaining to one of the profs at the school (who was pushing REALLY hard to get me to go there) why I chose to attend another school, and can tell that he is extremely upset/mad (?). Great, I haven't even entered the field yet and I'm already making enemies! :eek:

Sounds like a compliment to me.
 
  • #4
Ryker said:
You were nice enough to explain the reasons for your choice, so try and stop worrying, you did all you could. Personally, I find it extremely weird he'd be upset by this*, and you shouldn't let other people's whims bother you that much. Having said that, it would probably bother me, as well, but just from a rational perspective, you did nothing wrong*.

* unless you led him to believe you would be attending "his" school, later changed your mind, and did both of those things in a disrespectful manner

I don't think I led him at all to make him believe that I was dead set on attending "his" school. We talked over the phone and I tried to be as careful as possible while talking about his research and lab and made sure I used phrases such as "If I WERE to attend" and "If I WERE to join your lab". I know he really wanted me to join his lab and stuck his neck out for me, which I'm sure is how I got a fellowship, bonus money for moving, and a summer research scholarship, but I don't feel like I owe anyone my life.
 
  • #5
You don't owe him your life, no. But if I read your note correctly it seems you may owe him a fellowship, bonus money for moving, and a summer research scholarship. Professors have very finite resources. If I were him and you treated me like a Pell grant I'd be mad too. To mend this fence you'll need to send some research money his way some time down the road.
 
  • #6
Antiphon said:
You don't owe him your life, no. But if I read your note correctly it seems you may owe him a fellowship, bonus money for moving, and a summer research scholarship. Professors have very finite resources. If I were him and you treated me like a Pell grant I'd be mad too. To mend this fence you'll need to send some research money his way some time down the road.

What? Students don't send anyone research money. And no one sends anyone research money because they hurt the other person's feelings.
 
  • #7
RandomGuy88 said:
What? Students don't send anyone research money. And no one sends anyone research money because they hurt the other person's feelings.
Antiphon is kidding. I hope.
 
  • #8
gravenewworld said:
I don't think I led him at all to make him believe that I was dead set on attending "his" school. We talked over the phone and I tried to be as careful as possible while talking about his research and lab and made sure I used phrases such as "If I WERE to attend" and "If I WERE to join your lab". I know he really wanted me to join his lab and stuck his neck out for me, which I'm sure is how I got a fellowship, bonus money for moving, and a summer research scholarship, but I don't feel like I owe anyone my life.

It sounds like he was able to line up a lot of things for you! However, you sound like you definitely made sure he knew you were still deciding. He should know better. I suspect you probably aren't in a good position if you ever want to go back to him. I can't imagine someone with the capabilities of lining up stuff like that is unaware of the competitive nature of graduate school admissions on both ends.
 

1. How can I tell if my professor is mad at me for a decision I made?

It can be difficult to determine someone's emotions, especially if they are trying to hide them. However, some signs that your professor may be mad at you include avoiding you, giving you the cold shoulder, and displaying more negative body language than usual.

2. Should I apologize to my professor for making a decision that may have upset them?

It is always a good idea to apologize if you believe you have hurt or upset someone, including your professor. However, make sure to do so in a respectful and genuine manner. It may also be helpful to explain your reasoning behind your decision.

3. How can I repair my relationship with my professor after making a decision that may have caused tension?

The best way to repair a relationship is through open and honest communication. Take the time to talk to your professor and listen to their perspective. Apologize if necessary and work towards finding a resolution that satisfies both parties.

4. Is it possible to change my decision if my professor is upset about it?

It depends on the situation and the decision that was made. If it is possible to change your decision without causing further complications, it may be worth considering in order to improve your relationship with your professor. However, if the decision is final, it is important to communicate and explain your reasoning to your professor.

5. How can I avoid making my professor mad with my decisions in the future?

The best way to avoid causing tension with your professor is to communicate openly and effectively. Make sure to listen to their feedback and take it into consideration when making decisions. It is also important to respect their authority and boundaries as a professor.

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