First of all i must admit that i am not sure if it fits into academic guidance or career guidance category. I am senior student of physics in my country's one the best universities. This was the bright side. I am 26-27 years old, i am about to graduate in 1.5 years. I was always considered as intelligent by others (but not by myself) but always managed to get distracted. I had many of experiences i can want, i did lots of interesting things irrelevant to what i should. I even offered a job which i plan to accept after i graduate, not very bright one but still respectable. I have some A's and mostly C's, have taken lots of selectives from other departments for just to get the feeling. But distributed in 8 years, i don't feel like i know anything even for the courses i pass with A. Physics fascinates me, its mostly something hard, its always something which i have to do for 200 pages in a week but i can 2 page/hour, and not spend more than 10 hour that week. I always feel the fun and stress together. But i really feel sorry about i didn't learn as much as i hoped, i lost my precious time which will never return back. I have a gf which a plan to marry after graduation, and for that reason probably i won't study even graduate school (or i might study but not in ideal conditions; working/having sex, not resting, distracted, long working hours and some drinking sessions are also given because i know some about my future work and wife). I know i have given lots of specifics about my situation. I feel jealous every time when somebody is talking about some mathematical method x, or i feel depressed every time when i read some text book of physics with there is some reference to the information i have no idea at all. All the mathematical methods, spaces, techniques are talked here are pain for me. Even the solved examples in some introductory quantum mechanics book with some kind a (lnN! ~= NlnN - N + O(0)) things inside which i don't know makes my mode suicidal. I have to learn these things somehow. Please help me, by offering solutions, strategies, motivation. I really don't need to rely on these information to go on living but i feel like incomplete without. Thanks in advance, Kaan.