Is street harassment of women just a rite of passage for some men?

[DaveC426913]

Note that it's not always a one-way communication.

An appreciative gesture by a good looking gent might elicit a smile of appreciation, whereas the same gesture by an unattractive gent might elicit a grimace of 'what a creep'.

 

[Femme_physics]

Note that it's not always a one-way communication.

An appreciative gesture by a good looking gent might elicit a smile of appreciation, whereas the same gesture by an unattractive gent might elicit a grimace of 'what a creep'.

Well, I'm not sure how other women react but I never grimace regardless of how the guy looks.

 

[nismaratwork]

Well, I'm not sure how other women react but I never grimace regardless of how the guy looks.

Ahhh, where the heck have you been all of every guy's life??

@DaveC: Again, I'd just say a polite gesture or appreciative glance is great and is a normal social cue, but "Hey baby, shake that 'rump'" or, "C'mere love!" is not going to end well. It may be cheesy, but buy a lady a drink, if it goes nowhere then so be it, and she gets a drink. Then there are guys who take umbrage when the drink doesn't equal rough play in a hotel bathroom.

It's a matter of agression, tact, social norms, and degree. It's very much the difference between, "Dave, would you please open the door for me, my wrist is really hurting." and "Hey Dave, get the door!"

To quote Whitney Cummings, "When have 5 guys in the back of a truck yelling at a woman ever ended in sex?" (paraphrased for Worksafeitude)

 

[Femme_physics]

Ahhh, where the heck have you been all of every guy's life??

I just don't like making people feel bad *shrugs*, particularly when they're expressing positive feelings towards me.

 

[Char. Limit]

I just don't like making people feel bad *shrugs*, particularly when they're expressing positive feelings towards me.

If only everyone was like you, I wouldn't worry so much.

 

[nismaratwork]

I just don't like making people feel bad *shrugs*, particularly when they're expressing positive feelings towards me.

For your own sake, just remember that some men are doing just that, and others are just objectifying you and then using the subsequent effect to reinforce their masculinity... which is often lacking in such cases.

A clumsy, but well meant compliment? I like your way.
An aggressive catcall which treats you as a slab of meat? No way.

No need to get militant mind you, but have a measure of self-respect even if others choose to show you less than that respect.

 

[nismaratwork]

If only everyone was like you, I wouldn't worry so much.

You're a good guy, and I don't think you have much to worry about... you don't strike me as the leering and jeering type. You seem like the type to buy someone a drink and take what comes or not after. No crime there (yet lol).

 

[Femme_physics]

For your own sake, just remember that some men are doing just that, and others are just objectifying you and then using the subsequent effect to reinforce their masculinity... which is often lacking in such cases.

A clumsy, but well meant compliment? I like your way.
An aggressive catcall which treats you as a slab of meat? No way.

Well, I'd prefer the clumsy compliment, especially if it's made by nerds who tend to be so shy (and why? they're the cutest!)

But, even if I'm honked or catcalled at all I think is "people think I'm pretty w00t!"...although it does get kinda weird when strangers invite me to their cars... which, by the way, does tend to happen when I wait alone in a bus station... but yea... I also grin when they drive away. It's like when I'm sometimes bored at the bus station I look at the drivers faces to see if they stare at me, heh.
What? I need a way to pass the time... I admit I like the attention and I'm not going to make pretenses... ^^

 

[Char. Limit]

You're a good guy, and I don't think you have much to worry about... you don't strike me as the leering and jeering type. You seem like the type to buy someone a drink and take what comes or not after. No crime there (yet lol).

Couldn't do that. Too scared of rejection.

 

[nismaratwork]

Couldn't do that. Too scared of rejection.

Heh... me too... at least you're young enough to have an excuse! My first girlfriend didn't even get through to me when she asked me for help with a math class she didn't even have. I've gotten better, as I suspect you will, but yeah... that BIG first move in a casual setting is suttering for me at best.

Isn't it great having self-esteem issues?

@Femme: Invited to a car?! Whoa... that's very 'Silence of The Lambs'. For the rest, well... you're a woman... if it works for you then it's right. It might be wrong for another, but you can't be wrong in matters of taste (parahrase).

 

[nismaratwork]

Well, I'd prefer the clumsy compliment, especially if it's made by nerds who tend to be so shy (and why? they're the cutest!)

But, even if I'm honked or catcalled at all I think is "people think I'm pretty w00t!"...although it does get kinda weird when strangers invite me to their cars... which, by the way, happens a lot when I wait alone in a bus station... but yea... I also grin when they drive away. It's like when I'm sometimes bored at the bus station I look at the drivers faces to see if they stare at me, heh.
What? I need a way to pass the time... I admit I like the attention and I'm not going to make pretenses... ^^

Heh, women who appreciate shyness are the only reason that people like me and sooo many others don't die alone without "virtue intact".

As for liking attention, I'd hate that, even if I looked FANTASTIC... waaaaaay to shy, but I can appreciate that kind of attitude in others, male and female. Kudos to you!

 

[rootX]

Couldn't do that. Too scared of rejection.

Heh... me too... at least you're young enough to have an excuse! My first girlfriend didn't even get through to me when she asked me for help with a math class she didn't even have. I've gotten better, as I suspect you will, but yeah... that BIG first move in a casual setting is suttering for me at best.

Isn't it great having self-esteem issues?

I am so bad with girls that I don't even know where to start ... :shy:. I somehow found myself turning down all girls who approached me (asking for phone number, giving random gifts, just being intrusive, or demanding emotions). It's good to be ladies man and willingness to give attention when they ask for it .. but that's just bit too much for me.

 

[jhae2.718]

I am so bad with girls that I don't even know where to start ...

For me, it doesn't help that the only topics about which I can speak comfortably are mathematics, physics, and engineering...

 

[nismaratwork]

I am so bad with girls that I don't even know where to start ... :shy:. I somehow found myself turning down all girls who approached me (asking for phone number, giving random gifts, just being intrusive, or demanding emotions). It's good to be ladies man and willingness to give attention when they ask for it .. but that's just bit too much for me.

I'd offer advice, but sadly I can only offer brotherhood in being a wimp around women.

@Jhae: Have you tried whispering, "All non-trivial zeroes of the zeta function have real part one-half," in her ear sotto vocce?

Yeah... on the bright side we're not alone in being shy bastards around women.

 

[nismaratwork]

Heh, in a bar in NC, a woman sitting next to me got me to actually sing along with her to 'Mister Brightside' by The Killers. I admit, I was 2 servings of gin down, which is no excuse, but really I was just clueless. She turned to me and said she loved that song, then kissed me... seriously.

I almost fainted, and I don't mean that figuratively. There I was, an attractive woman (a teacher) who just kissed me, and I was too busy internally listing the reasons why I suck to take the hint. I basically turned down casual sex and a date on the grounds of being gentlemanly... aka a complete coward.

*sigh*

I still can't imagine why she'd kiss me, I'd gained weight by then... I was sitting quietly away from the bar and dance floor... I do not understand women. Then again, if not weight it would have been something else, I know, but... oy.

What the hell is wrong with us, that we're not socially inept, but woman turn us into stammering idiots with the self-esteem of a gnat?

 

[jhae2.718]

What the hell is wrong with us, that we're not socially inept, but woman turn us into stammering idiots with the self-esteem of a gnat?

Well, I can talk to them about math, but that doesn't get you anywhere...and if it did, I'd probably spontaneously combust...

 

[nismaratwork]

Well, I can talk to them about math, but that doesn't get you anywhere...and if it did, I'd probably spontaneously combust...

No no, you'd feel like that, and you'd be married within the year.

 

[Char. Limit]

I heard a saying once, I can't remember from where.

"A man chases a woman until she catches him."

 

[nismaratwork]

I heard a saying once, I can't remember from where.

"A man chases a woman until she catches him."

Heh... that's wisdom right there. Good thing too, or again, we'd die alone.

 

[Femme_physics]

@Femme: Invited to a car?! Whoa... that's very 'Silence of The Lambs'. For the rest, well... you're a woman... if it works for you then it's right. It might be wrong for another, but you can't be wrong in matters of taste (parahrase).

Agreed. :)

 

[Upisoft]

Well, what about women harassing men? When I was young it happened a lot that the look of a girl in miniskirt (or maybe microskirt is better term here) was enough to physically change the processes in my brain (less blood reaching it could be an explanation). So why this is not a problem? Anyway, if I have done any of these actions (whistling, etc.) it was because my poorly working brain was not working properly to overcome the instinct. And the instinct was to express somehow the sexual desire induced in me.
I've never done this to girls who were not dressed provocatively.

Anyway isn't it possible that some men do not need provocation to get in this state of mind, so they can properly be called "sexual predators"?

 

[pergradus]

This article makes me LOL. As if 95% of women were attractive enough for anyone to notice them...

I've had cars honk near me plenty of times, I don't assume they're honking at me because of how beautiful I am. Seems like the real issue is there's a lot of vain/delusional women in America.

 

[Smiles302]

You know... I haven't had a whistle in a while.

Lots of car honking (which still terrifies me, I just assume the car is about to hit me and needs me to move... So I tend to jump)
Plenty of "hey babe, where you going?" which is so much creepier than an "Hi, how are you?"

I've always assumed it was more of an ego boost for the caller, showing off to his/sometimes her friends. Compliment only in the sense that you are attractive enough in their eyes to warrant attention.

Maths jokes over catcalls any day! haha

 

[Astronuc]

During my usual afternoon walk today, a woman driver, who was stopped for a traffic light, yelled that she loved my hair. I simply said "Thank you", smiled and waved.

I was once holding the door for a lady who was entering the same building where I work. She paused and told me that I had wonderful hair. I thanked her and followed her into the lobby.

While walking down by the river, some woman, who was sitting on a park bench talking to some guy, look up to me and yelled - "You're a beautiful man". Again, I simply said, 'thank you' and smiled.


The most I'd do on the street is smile and/or say 'Hi' or 'Hey', or nod my head. Sometimes a smile elicits a smile.

 

[mcknia07]

I have been hollered at plenty of times in my day. It still scares me once in a while, too. When the guy yells something, you never know what's coming next. Most of the times it's he and his friends laughing as they walk away. I never know if that's good or bad though.

 

[Loren Booda]

What gets me are inept males showing off to their buddies how they can stare, catcall, pose, etc. at women "as rite (or 'right' as they would have it) of passage." Boys will be boys.