Middle Age: Breaking Comfort Zones & Starting New Adventures

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The discussion centers around the challenges of forming new friendships in adulthood, particularly as individuals reach middle age. Participants reflect on how routines can become overly comforting, leading to a reluctance to take risks and try new experiences. Many express a desire to break free from these patterns by engaging in activities that surprise others, such as taking dance lessons or joining social groups. There is a shared acknowledgment that while making new friends can be difficult, proactive efforts—like inviting colleagues to lunch or participating in Meetup groups—can yield positive results. The conversation also touches on the importance of staying active and open-minded to combat the inertia that often accompanies aging. Overall, the thread emphasizes the need for individuals, especially those in middle age, to embrace risk-taking and seek out new social connections to enrich their lives.
  • #51
zoobyshoe said:
You're pretty much describing my reaction to small talk, as well. I am a substance oriented conversationalist and can't let the small talk go on too long. Things have to meander to something interesting relatively quickly or I'll meander away. On the other hand, with the right people, I can have fun for hours just playing around. Nothing gets discussed, there's just a general mood of amusement to which everyone contributes.

I abhor small talk, and have to do it every day in my line of work. However, small talk can be used as a segue to delve deeper. I mean, what are you going to do? Meet someone, say, "Hi, nice to meet you, my name is Sally. What's your deepest passion in life?"
 
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  • #52
shelovesmath said:
I abhor small talk, and have to do it every day in my line of work. However, small talk can be used as a segue to delve deeper. I mean, what are you going to do? Meet someone, say, "Hi, nice to meet you, my name is Sally. What's your deepest passion in life?"
Hi Sally. I'm Zooby. My deepest passion is doing zoobie stuff. It's what I do. It's my deepest passion.

What's your shallowest passion, Sally?
 
  • #53
zoobyshoe said:
Hi Sally. I'm Zooby. My deepest passion is doing zoobie stuff. It's what I do. It's my deepest passion.

What's your shallowest passion, Sally?

Shallow is relative.
 
  • #54
Now that I think about it, I actually like that opening line. :approve:

I'm still quite young, but already I feel the lethargy creeping in, a deep desire to hibernate in the comfort of air conditioning for a long, long time among other things. I've also never liked to travel, so say poof to a lot of excitement.

That's why I count on my friends to drag me with them, and I usually enjoy myself. Sometimes it's good and necessary to take the initiative, but if you can find close, active friends, so much the easier.
 
  • #55
shelovesmath said:
Shallow is relative.

I have shallow relatives. Many of them.
 
  • #56
Math Is Hard said:
I have shallow relatives. Many of them.

Ah, wit, how I envy you.
 
  • #57
Take my sister..

please.
 
  • #58
I think rather than asking about someone's passions, a good segue into a deeper conversation is just to ask, "So, (insert name here), what's your story?"
 
  • #59
Tedjn said:
Now that I think about it, I actually like that opening line. :approve:

I'm still quite young, but already I feel the lethargy creeping in, a deep desire to hibernate in the comfort of air conditioning for a long, long time among other things. I've also never liked to travel, so say poof to a lot of excitement.

That's why I count on my friends to drag me with them, and I usually enjoy myself. Sometimes it's good and necessary to take the initiative, but if you can find close, active friends, so much the easier.

I really think the only things that count are the ones you initiate yourself. Those are the things that most reflect your real curiosities, and which will keep you feeling alive. I'm going to guess there are a lot of things you'd actually like to do but feel you don't know how to get started.
 
  • #60
shelovesmath said:
I think rather than asking about someone's passions, a good segue into a deeper conversation is just to ask, "So, (insert name here), what's your story?"
"Just got released from the penitentary, thanks for asking. Did 30 for homicide."

(Something like this actually happened to me at the Cafe about two months ago.)
 
  • #61
zoobyshoe said:
"Just got released from the penitentary, thanks for asking. Did 30 for homicide."

(Something like this actually happened to me at the Cafe about two months ago.)

Well at least it was something interesting! It sure beats someone telling you about their kids.
 
  • #62
Tedjn said:
Ah, wit, how I envy you.
Have you read Freud's "Wit and it's Relation to the Unconscious"?

Math Is Hard wrote the sequel: "Relations, and their Unconsciousness to Wit". Went right over all her relatives heads.
 
  • #63
shelovesmath said:
Well at least it was something interesting! It sure beats someone telling you about their kids.

Hehe, yeah, but it was more than a little spooky. He'd actually only done 8 years for attempted murder, but people who've just been released from prison are sketchy and bewildered, like they're not sure if their freedom is a dream. And he started mentioning to everyone he had no money and no place to sleep, like he was hoping for an invitation over to someone's house. I kind of meandered away as soon as possible.
 
  • #64
Math Is Hard said:
I have shallow relatives. Many of them.
Deep down, we're all shallow.
 
  • #65
This is very interesting, from an outside perspective. I mean, most of you guys are scientists right? How cool is that--. Anyway, Lisa, what do you mean by risk? And magpies, how did you end up in jail?

I can't say I totally get where you guys are coming from. I do know that I hate when people try to talk to me when I'm eating.
 
  • #66
Galteeth said:
I can't say I totally get where you guys are coming from.

Warsaw, Poland.

Yeah, I know, I am shallow.
 
  • #67
Galteeth said:
This is very interesting, from an outside perspective. I mean, most of you guys are scientists right? How cool is that--. Anyway, Lisa, what do you mean by risk? And magpies, how did you end up in jail?

I can't say I totally get where you guys are coming from. I do know that I hate when people try to talk to me when I'm eating.

By risk, I don't mean taking chances that endanger life and limb. I mean, doing new things. Something as simple as cooking a new recipe that uses a spice you've never heard of, or taking a walk through a park you've never been to before.

These are simple little things but as you get older, you tend to not take risks, even small ones. Life gets comfy...maybe too comfy.
 
  • #68
shelovesmath said:
Shallow is relative.
Ah, but shallowest is not.
 
  • #69
zoobyshoe said:
...but you're wrong to assume they will be closed off to a man...

Hey, all I said was "not quite as much luck".
 
  • #70
lisab said:
By risk, I don't mean taking chances that endanger life and limb. I mean, doing new things. Something as simple as cooking a new recipe that uses a spice you've never heard of, or taking a walk through a park you've never been to before.

Those things can be hardly called risks =).
 
  • #71
DanP said:
By risk, I don't mean taking chances that endanger life and limb. I mean, doing new things. Something as simple as cooking a new recipe that uses a spice you've never heard of, or taking a walk through a park you've never been to before.
Those things can be hardly called risks =).
`

Sure these are risks; after an afternoon of paragliding and bungee jumping one risks that the spices are yucky and of course you can get lost in a park.
 
  • #72
Andre said:
`

Sure these are risks; after an afternoon of paragliding and bungee jumping one risks that the spices are yucky and of course you can get lost in a park.

and some people 'risk' going out of their apartment...
 
  • #73
DanP said:
Those things can be hardly called risks =).

I'm open to a better word.
 
  • #74
lisab said:
I'm open to a better word.

takeonanewchallenge

stuckinarutremover

wanttotrysomethingnew
 
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  • #75
lisab said:
I'm open to a better word.

Ironically, I would term those rest and recuperation. Its incredible how stressful life becomes if you don't indulge in relaxing and interesting activities. Walks in the parks, in the woods, a evening at restaurant with your SO, a new food, I think at all those as rest.
 
  • #76
I've seen some people say they're 'going to take a risk' when its already something they're already doing, and its either a sidestep or a more involved layer of what they're already doing.

--like an artist trying a different style, or climber going for a steeper or taller mountain, or asking someone 'new' out on a date...

to them, it is stepping out of a safe zone.


I kind of remember something in that movie 'Bicentennial Man' where the woman said like--'do something wrong to find out if its right'...
 
  • #77
If I survive a parachute-less basejump, will I get a lot of friends?
 
  • #78
Only if it's into the amazing Guatemalan sinkhole.
 
  • #79
TubbaBlubba said:
If I survive a parachute-less basejump, will I get a lot of friends?

didnt you heard the about the "happy hunting grounds" ? :devil:
 
  • #80
lisab said:
By risk, I don't mean taking chances that endanger life and limb. I mean, doing new things. Something as simple as cooking a new recipe that uses a spice you've never heard of, or taking a walk through a park you've never been to before.

These are simple little things but as you get older, you tend to not take risks, even small ones. Life gets comfy...maybe too comfy.

I don't think using a new spice or making a new recipe is adventurous. That's NORMAL for me!
 
  • #81
lisab said:
By risk, I don't mean taking chances that endanger life and limb. I mean, doing new things. Something as simple as cooking a new recipe that uses a spice you've never heard of, or taking a walk through a park you've never been to before.

These are simple little things but as you get older, you tend to not take risks, even small ones. Life gets comfy...maybe too comfy.

What do you think is the reason for this?
 
  • #82
Galteeth said:
What do you think is the reason for this?

Ah, now that's a good question!
 
  • #83
shelovesmath said:
I don't think using a new spice or making a new recipe is adventurous. That's NORMAL for me!

It came up in an earlier post, "risk" or "adventure" aren't really appropriate words for what I'm talking about. It's the tendency for people to not repeat behaviors...whatever that's called. Notaroutine, I guess.
 
  • #84
lisab said:
It came up in an earlier post, "risk" or "adventure" aren't really appropriate words for what I'm talking about. It's the tendency for people to not repeat behaviors...whatever that's called. Notaroutine, I guess.
Generally speaking the older people get the less capacity they have for change, and they have an increased capacity for being able to make things stay the same. The result can be atrophy. Comfort is a good thing in that it is the opposite of being in distress, but atrophy has to be avoided.
 
  • #85
lisab said:
It came up in an earlier post, "risk" or "adventure" aren't really appropriate words for what I'm talking about. It's the tendency for people to not repeat behaviors...whatever that's called. Notaroutine, I guess.

Spontaneity?
 
  • #86
lisab said:
It came up in an earlier post, "risk" or "adventure" aren't really appropriate words for what I'm talking about. It's the tendency for people to not repeat behaviors...whatever that's called. Notaroutine, I guess.


Ive recently listened to a literary commentary on Tolkien's The Hobbit. What was interesting was the comment on Bilbo Baggins's two sides, the Baggins one (predictable, lazy and comfort oriented, never leaving the shelter of The Shire ) and his Took side (adventurous, non standard after the hobbit way of life, risk oriented with travels and fights). I've seen more example in the literature of this, Tartarin of Tarascon for example. The introduction of this character in the first book was marvelous, with his continue struggle between comfort and safety and the ire to travel, hunt and live adventures.

What I am trying to say is that in each one of us those two sides are present, in each in wildly different proportions. But I strongly believe that comfort is what breeds laziness and the desire to stay somewhere where you are sheltered.

So I think what one or another does to keep a healthy dose of adventure is not so important. Just do whatever works for you, be it belly dancing, hunting, hiking, sports, whatever. What makes me ticking might do nothing for you. The only important thing is that what you do takes you outside your shelter, and kills what makes you predictable by others.
 
  • #87
Well, I'm breaking my pattern of sedentaryness (© TUBBA'S ADJECTIVE FACTORY INC.) with ~three days of strength training a week, 60 minutes on my new crosstrainer every day and other various exercisess (stretching, some mild gymnasitcs, etc) on the non-strength days.
 
  • #88
lisab said:
It came up in an earlier post, "risk" or "adventure" aren't really appropriate words for what I'm talking about. It's the tendency for people to not repeat behaviors...whatever that's called. Notaroutine, I guess.

I'm guessing you're thinking more/different than a vacation/road trip then?

something new and different to do at or around while still at home?
 
  • #89
zoobyshoe said:
I am a substance oriented conversationalist and can't let the small talk go on too long. Things have to meander to something interesting relatively quickly or I'll meander away. On the other hand, with the right people, I can have fun for hours just playing around. Nothing gets discussed, there's just a general mood of amusement to which everyone contributes.
Can't help but think of AaSQGaSA!
 
  • #90
rewebster said:
I'm guessing you're thinking more/different than a vacation/road trip then?

something new and different to do at or around while still at home?

Yes, more than a one-time trip. I'm trying to keep from gathering moss, basically :smile:.

Things I'm doing: being open to spontaneity - tough to do, because like most people I have others depending on me. For example, my boss needs me to be at work at a certain time, of course. So...I have to, um, schedule my time to be spontaneous, lol. I'm fighting becoming more sedentary, too.

Just wondering if other people are having the same struggles.
 
  • #91
I'm fairly happy/content with my sphere usually, though its not a complete sphere so things do tend to enter and fall out-----There's a lot that seems I have to do which is an ongoing process, plus the occasional surprises that happen.

It seems the more that I do, the less I think about what I may be missing. The less that I 'expect' to happen, it seems the more 'things' happen.


...seems to fall into that Zen, Buddhist, I Ching thing ...


----are you thinking along the lines of introvert* or extrovert* activities?

http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm


http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/extrovert.htm
 
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  • #92
lisab said:
like most people I have others depending on me. For example, my boss needs me to be at work at a certain time, of course. So...I have to, um, schedule my time to be spontaneous

Sunday night I have to be on PF chat. Every morning I have to check what's new on PF. No time for spontaneity.
 
  • #93
Gokul43201 said:
Can't help but think of AaSQGaSA!
Those were the days.
 
  • #94
Andre said:
`

Sure these are risks; after an afternoon of paragliding and bungee jumping one risks that the spices are yucky and of course you can get lost in a park.

IMHO spices and walks in the park don't qualify as adventures/risks.
Maybe affairs or sabbaticals do.
 
  • #95
lisab said:
It came up in an earlier post, "risk" or "adventure" aren't really appropriate words for what I'm talking about. It's the tendency for people to not repeat behaviors...whatever that's called. Notaroutine, I guess.

I think I understand. You have a certain routine, or certain fallback behaviors, and it's like you have forgotten what's it like to not have those. Sort of like, hypothetically, I'm bored, I think I'll take a walk to the park. Wait a minute, I aways walk to the park, I know what to expect, that won't help. But then what instead... and the process by which more variety, or less of a routine, just happened, seems like a program you can't quite get to run.
 
  • #96
I like this thread and I can understand things what you are talking about.

But I don't think I'm facing the same problem because I'm only in my 20s.I also like to play with childrens younger than me because I feel relaxed and happy when I'm with them.And they are direct to me,I don't need to calculate too much.Though there are few childrens I can play with in our university.

What I'm interested is how to avoid comfort.People have inertia,I found myself don't like to do things that need me to think much.

For example,when I surf the internet,I'm more inclined to see the Chinese pages on news,which don't need me to think to much.Not webs like PF,which I think I can learn much more,both in language and thought.

And now I find most Chinese portals webs are becoming more and more entertainment,it's not good.I think I need to overcome my inertia to get rid of them,turing to English webs.Any ideas?
 
  • #97
Speaking about enjoying life. Just look at Feynman. You can see it in his eyes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/HKTSaezB4p8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/HKTSaezB4p8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>
 
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  • #98
kakarotyjn said:
I like this thread and I can understand things what you are talking about.

But I don't think I'm facing the same problem because I'm only in my 20s.I also like to play with childrens younger than me because I feel relaxed and happy when I'm with them.And they are direct to me,I don't need to calculate too much.Though there are few childrens I can play with in our university.

What I'm interested is how to avoid comfort.People have inertia,I found myself don't like to do things that need me to think much.

For example,when I surf the internet,I'm more inclined to see the Chinese pages on news,which don't need me to think to much.Not webs like PF,which I think I can learn much more,both in language and thought.

And now I find most Chinese portals webs are becoming more and more entertainment,it's not good.I think I need to overcome my inertia to get rid of them,turing to English webs.Any ideas?

Hi kakarotyjn. :smile: Welcome to physicsforums. You can learn a lot on Physicsforums by reading, and also share what you like. Join in topics that you are interested in and ask questions, share your experience and contribute as you have here on this thread. The NSTA Learning Center has a book entitled Overcome Inertia through Summer Reading by Juliana Texley.
Description: Resistance or disinclination to motion is common in middle school teachers over the summer months, especially in those who find themselves at rest in a beach chair. But while your body is at rest, there are plenty of ways to energize your mind--reading is the ideal way to replace summer inertia with professional momentum!
http://learningcenter.nsta.org/product_detail.aspx?id=10.2505/4/ss06_029_08_21
I look forward to you joining in on the fun here.:smile:
 
  • #99
ViewsofMars said:
Hi kakarotyjn. :smile: Welcome to physicsforums. You can learn a lot on Physicsforums by reading, and also share what you like. Join in topics that you are interested in and ask questions, share your experience and contribute as you have here on this thread. The NSTA Learning Center has a book entitled Overcome Inertia through Summer Reading by Juliana Texley.

I look forward to you joining in on the fun here.:smile:


Hi ViewsofMars,:smile:,thank you for your welcome and your recommendation on the book.I like to see you talking here very much,the threads is interesting and some are meaningful.I really want to join you to share my opnions and find happiness with you.Maybe English is the main challange,because my English level is not good.I will motivate myself and I will do it.

Thank you again,haha,:smile:
 
  • #100
kakarotyjn said:
Hi ViewsofMars,:smile:,thank you for your welcome and your recommendation on the book.I like to see you talking here very much,the threads is interesting and some are meaningful.I really want to join you to share my opnions and find happiness with you.Maybe English is the main challange,because my English level is not good.I will motivate myself and I will do it.

Thank you again,haha,:smile:

Kakarotyjn, you are so very kind!:biggrin: You're English is charming. I'm super glad you are here.:biggrin: I'll be looking for you on the threads. It will tell me what you are interested in.

Have a wonderful day.

Mars
 

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