- #1
xieon
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Hey, this is one of my college essays and I was hoping that some people wouldn't mind reading/critiquing it. If anyone doesn't mind proof reading it over for any grammatical mistakes, or simply giving their input as to what should be changed and the likes it would be greatly appreciated.
Also please forgive me if this was posted in the wrong forum.
Thank You,
Dave
Essay begins below
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One of the most important influences throughout life is the influence of a hero. Through their words and actions, a hero can have an amazingly positive effect on a person’s life. A hero is someone admirable, a role model. A person may be a hero to some without ever knowing they are, or the impact their seemingly normal actions may have on others.
One such example of this type of hero can be found in a girl in my high school class. During the summer prior to senior year she was attending a camp along with her now late brother. Due to heart complications the girl’s brother died at camp, with his sister not straying from his side.
I can not begin to comprehend the initial pain of losing someone so close, however this girl has done exceptionally well coping with the loss. In addition to the initial loss of her brother she is faced with the constant subtle reminders of the life that once was. Passing her brothers room in her house is a constant reminder of the past tragic events. Her brother’s room which was once filled with the vibrancy of life now lays eerily undisturbed. Even normal routines such as going to school force the unpleasant reminiscences of an earlier time. Her brother will never experience his first day of high school, nor share the same halls that his sister walks through each day.
The almost incomprehensible strains that this girl has faced would almost surely be enough to cripple even the strongest of spirits. Where others would have fallen under the now enormous pressures of life, she remains standing. The ability to get back up after being struck by the cruel punches of life is more than an admirable quality.
Through the examples set by this girl, I now strive to put less weight towards the problems in everyday life. I feel that if she can still have a positive outlook on life, then I should do no less. Although we all have losses in life, by witnessing her strength I have learned that life must go on, even after the most devastating of events. An initial loss, especially of something in such great magnitude in respect to her, should never be overlooked or go without mourning. There is however no need for extensive additional losses due to the consistent delay of everyday life. That is a major life lesson I have learned through this girl, a taught lesson that makes her more than deserving of the title of hero, even if she never knows she holds that title or to whom regard her as such.
Also please forgive me if this was posted in the wrong forum.
Thank You,
Dave
Essay begins below
--------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the most important influences throughout life is the influence of a hero. Through their words and actions, a hero can have an amazingly positive effect on a person’s life. A hero is someone admirable, a role model. A person may be a hero to some without ever knowing they are, or the impact their seemingly normal actions may have on others.
One such example of this type of hero can be found in a girl in my high school class. During the summer prior to senior year she was attending a camp along with her now late brother. Due to heart complications the girl’s brother died at camp, with his sister not straying from his side.
I can not begin to comprehend the initial pain of losing someone so close, however this girl has done exceptionally well coping with the loss. In addition to the initial loss of her brother she is faced with the constant subtle reminders of the life that once was. Passing her brothers room in her house is a constant reminder of the past tragic events. Her brother’s room which was once filled with the vibrancy of life now lays eerily undisturbed. Even normal routines such as going to school force the unpleasant reminiscences of an earlier time. Her brother will never experience his first day of high school, nor share the same halls that his sister walks through each day.
The almost incomprehensible strains that this girl has faced would almost surely be enough to cripple even the strongest of spirits. Where others would have fallen under the now enormous pressures of life, she remains standing. The ability to get back up after being struck by the cruel punches of life is more than an admirable quality.
Through the examples set by this girl, I now strive to put less weight towards the problems in everyday life. I feel that if she can still have a positive outlook on life, then I should do no less. Although we all have losses in life, by witnessing her strength I have learned that life must go on, even after the most devastating of events. An initial loss, especially of something in such great magnitude in respect to her, should never be overlooked or go without mourning. There is however no need for extensive additional losses due to the consistent delay of everyday life. That is a major life lesson I have learned through this girl, a taught lesson that makes her more than deserving of the title of hero, even if she never knows she holds that title or to whom regard her as such.