My girlfriend, her family, and human dysfunctionality in general

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  • #26
Mentallic
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That is my piece of advice that you can use, tell the truth. Tell the parents that you aren't good at talking to people and you are sometimes not interested in what people have to say, and it may be your own fault, and you apologize for offending them, but it is something that is a part of you. Just say what's up. You don't like social BS, then tell the truth and keep it real and if that doesn't work, whatever. Keep in mind when I say "tell the truth" I don't mean be a douche and snub the parents and claim your superiority, I mean tell them that you aren't good at socializing.

Mmm... I don't know about this part. A lot of people instinctively connect the dots in such a way as to say that any type of disorder which hinders your ability to act normal is seen as being a retard. You wouldn't want that at all.
 
  • #27
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A lot of abusive jerkwads also have loyal girlfriends, so that argument toward effectivity is minimal.

That does not constitute evidence that I'm abusive.

You clearly have the ability to communicate with one or a few people; this, however, does not logically extend to all people by the merits of deductive reasoning.

I have the ability to communicate with most people if I am sufficiently motivated.

I have to admit that your almost singular obsession with homosexuality is slightly frightening as well;

It is a logical comparison. Homosexual rights have grown by leaps and bounds lately. Homosexual rights are a perfect analogue for rights for other oppressed groups, such as introverts, allegedly "AS" people, etc.

as an average hetrosexual male, I would find that your anger to a bit beyond what I would expect. I am a person of color and I respond to racism with snideness and sarcasm; if bigotry is ignorance, then there's not much to be accomplished by squabbling with the ignorant.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but anti-person of color bigots have little to no significant power over your life, correct? The same can't be said for the types of people that I refer to in the OP.

I do think that you have communication issues and you will benefit from speaking with a therapist.

Please elaborate.

Introspection, also, is always a good thing.

I have always been introspective.
 
  • #28
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I can understand your sentiments, but I have a number of observations. First, if you're so intelligent why can't you make this decision yourself?

I simply want discussion.

Jean Paul Sartre spoke of how even in seeking advice individuals tend to turn to those people who they feel may very well give them the advice they want. A group of "intelligent" physicists would seemingly be a group who would agree with your anti-social tendencies and give you the advice you want to hear, now that they aren't you are arguing tooth and nail.

See immediately above.

Second observation, as everybody else said you are placing value judgements, and you said "How am I not, of course I value being human" well being human doesn't mean being intellligent. Your just unhappy because you feel as though your traits are superior and under-appreciated and would rather a world in which you could be the majority. I see more than a little Will to Power in your actions.

I most certainly did not type the sentence that you put in quotes. Check this thread.

You have to be intelligent enough to realize that not everybody can be as intelligent as you, just as not everybody can be as good at sports or music as the next guy. You also have to realize that before your anything your a human being first, and there is much more to being human than being "intelligent" and "successfull". You rally against "the herd", but all I see is a social deviant who wants the same goals and has the same values as society, but dislikes his under appreciation. You are saing that you are "successfull" and "smart" and "hard-working", you sound like a your trying to "sell yourself".

I do see the world as less than ideal, and I don't see anything particularly wrong with expressing that opinion. Do you?

As un-intelligent as your sister-in-laws husband may be, he may be much more profound than you are. How so? Because again profundity can be a matter of experience, and living, rather than intellectualizing. What if he offers his family hard work and love? Those are some of the most profound things you can offer somebody in a personal relationship. And here you are bitching that he's not worthy of their affections. Your not interested in equality, stop fronting. Your interested in getting your way, if he was the one outcasted you would say "good he's un intelligent etc etc".

I never indicated that I want anyone to be mistreated. That's not at all incompatible with being angry at those who mistreat others.

Stop pretending to be important or better, stop saying "society shouldn't expect me to do x or y" ...Listen, I hate acting fake, I hate that society is interested in stupid banal crap. So often I just solve the problem, by telling the truth.

That is my piece of advice that you can use, tell the truth. Tell the parents that you aren't good at talking to people and you are sometimes not interested in what people have to say, and it may be your own fault, and you apologize for offending them, but it is something that is a part of you. Just say what's up. You don't like social BS, then tell the truth and keep it real and if that doesn't work, whatever. Keep in mind when I say "tell the truth" I don't mean be a douche and snub the parents and claim your superiority, I mean tell them that you aren't good at socializing.

See above. They will eventually be forced by circumstances to be more reasonable.
 
  • #29
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Mmm... I don't know about this part. A lot of people instinctively connect the dots in such a way as to say that any type of disorder which hinders your ability to act normal is seen as being a retard. You wouldn't want that at all.

First, anyone who associates a person of high intelligence with retardation, is a retard.

Second, "any type of disorder which hinders your ability to act normal" looks like a tautology.
 
  • #30
DaveC426913
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I'm having some trouble figuring out exactly what's being done to whom.
I brought my education and intelligence into this because if my moderate social skills are horrible, then, to any sane people, the sister's husband's current deadbeat status should be ultra-horrible.

Is that clear enough?

No, it's not clear enough. You seem to have conflated two independent concepts in that one sentence. How does education and intelligence versus not having a job equate with social skills?

It should be fairly obvious that her and her parents regard social skills as an important facet of a person whereas education or income less so.


Also, can you go over the bigotry aspect again? I missed it. How are they bigoted? Something about Aspies and nerds? They stated they dislike them as a group?
You need to man up and stop being a bigot. I dare you to go to some gay pride event and try to sell your conformity excrement sandwich there.
Wait. That's twice you've attempted to parallel your situation with that of gays. Why do you feel your argument is not strong enough to stand on its own without erecting a strawman?
 
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  • #31
Lichdar
That does not constitute evidence that I'm abusive.

It doesn't; it consitutes evidence that your metric is invalid.

I have the ability to communicate with most people if I am sufficiently motivated.

Res ipsa loquitur. Either you do not value communication with your family in law or you are incapable. It seems that it is the former.

It is a logical comparison. Homosexual rights have grown by leaps and bounds lately. Homosexual rights are a perfect analogue for rights for other oppressed groups, such as introverts, allegedly "AS" people, etc.

Illogical analogue of sexual orientation choice to mental disability.

I have a disability that prevents me from emphathizing with others in a normal fashion, causes me to lie regularly, increases my tendency to manipulate and virtually removes my ability to see how things such as human life ought to have instrinsic value. I believe it makes me more capable than most; I still do not go around announcing it to others.


Correct me if I'm wrong, but anti-person of color bigots have little to no significant power over your life, correct?

Are you kidding?

Please elaborate.

A therapist will assist you in developing strategies to more effectively communicate with others in a way, and perhaps expose you to different methods of thinking. You seem strongly convinced that yours is the only appropriate one; as you can see from resistance even here in your peer group, it is not so.

I have always been introspective.

If you say so. You do not seem to admit to any error but slams almost everyone else.
 
  • #32
cristo
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First, anyone who associates a person of high intelligence with retardation, is a retard.

It's likely this pompous attitude that her parents dislike.
 
  • #33
Mentallic
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First, anyone who associates a person of high intelligence with retardation, is a retard.
I'm not talking about high intelligence, I'm speaking of the fact that JDStupi was suggesting you tell them about your social inadequacies. This could be seen as retardation.

Second, "any type of disorder which hinders your ability to act normal" looks like a tautology.
Not all disorders make people seem different. Mental (extending to physical disorder) and social disorders are the most obvious which people conclude as being a retard.
 
  • #34
Femme_physics
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I'm sorry but this is very annoying to me. Are they paying you for service that you have to be extra nice to them? wtf?
On the one hand, she thinks that her parents are being too harsh.
And what about THEM trying to get to know you better? Why is it always you having to do the work? Why is it that you can't be the "harsh" one and judge them like they judge you? What gave them the courtroom and gavel?

And besides, if my parents didn't like my bf I'd tell them to deal with it. He's my bf and I love him. Their damn problem.

As far as that guy they worship, why do you give a damn? I hope you'd stop grovelling for what people you don't even respect like.
 
  • #35
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And what about THEM trying to get to know you better? Why is it always you having to do the work? Why is it that you can't be the "harsh" one and judge them like they judge you? What gave them the courtroom and gavel?
No one has to like anyone here, but in order to make things work for his relationship with THEIR daughter, it is probably a good idea he tried to do something about it.
 
  • #36
Femme_physics
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No one has to like anyone here, but in order to make things work for his relationship with THEIR daughter, it is probably a good idea he tried to do something about it.


A) Yea, he already did, but now it seems like a bad cycle for him if he starts diving into "psychology" etc. They already formed a not-so-favorable opinion of him, that's normally not that easy to reverse. Frankly the guy seems like a perfectly likable nerd judging from his text anyway, so I wouldn't try to fawn for their love.

B) If it matters so much for their daughter that it affects her relationship with him, I'd start getting a bad opinion of her. At some point, you have to grow up and spread wings and stop thinking what mommy and daddy have to say all the time.
 
  • #37
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A) Yea, he already did, but now it seems like a bad cycle for him if he starts diving into "psychology" etc.
I never suggested he do that. I find that a little extreme for his situation since all he needs to do is change his attitude towards less intelligent individuals. There is no need to belittle them, and if you do, this is where it's going to lead.

They already formed a not-so-favorable opinion of him, that's normally not that easy to reverse. Frankly the guy seems like a perfectly likable nerd judging from his text anyway, so I wouldn't try to fawn for their love.
Not quite. I purposely avoid people in my classes that come off as thinking they're better than everyone else. They may be smarter than the average joe, but the rest of us, doing the same class, studying just as hard and getting the same results aren't being up ourselves about it. And yes, it's not easy to reverse, but it's damage he's going to have to deal with - either by changing his attitude now and letting time play it out or having a sour relationship with them from now on, only because they're not giving you something in return.


B) If it matters so much for their daughter that it affects her relationship with him, I'd start getting a bad opinion of her. At some point, you have to grow up and spread wings and stop thinking what mommy and daddy have to say all the time.
From the looks of it, she hasn't been letting this affect their relationship, but it will definitely hinder them at some point. All too often I have seen the daughter go against her parents' wish and then they run off not to speak to them again. And all because of what? A little morality? Not worth it I say.
 
  • #38
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Mmmm,I agree with cobalt,think you should reconsider your approach
 
  • #39
BA Paul 1970
Hi My friend,

Great post by the way, very articulate!

Few things, I'm 42 and only got a degree in 2010 after 5 years of night school and 20 years of work!

Business Management - no great surprise there (already your academic snobbery is riled?)
Anyway to your post - families are not perfect, you cant get on with everyone all of the time, but as other posters have said, social skills, in any walk of life, yours included, are important. Sounds like your into this chick, say you have kids? isn't it important that they are taught social skills to get them through life - maybe they wont be as academically gifted as you and only get "normal jobs"? Are you going to instill into them that its only ok to chat if the person they are being social with is of an equal intellectual status? No, this is not right. Some of the worlds most successful CEO's or MDs are in the position because they were good at the "soft skills" maybe they had the technical genius but that doesn't put you in charge of a company! Your post was / is one of the most thoughtful / well written posts I have ever read online - you clearly are a thoughtful guy, but you have to be more! sometimes funny, social, friendly, yes sometimes reserved and always good in bed? Get your head out of the books and raise it into the sky. See the blue and the birds, dont even count them. Just enjoy the small things. Your career should take care of itself. Life is not about a career - a career is only 7 or 9 or 12 hour out of a 24 hour day. Hope this helps.
 
  • #40
jim hardy
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IF indeed you have Aspergers:
As an aspie myself, i recommend you learn more about the syndrome.

We build layers of self-defense and try to conceal our angst and anger, from ourselves even, because were it 'allowed' it would detract from our self-image.
Non-aspies can sense this. They are more sensitive to body language and social clues than we are.

[ Peer Gynt addresses the onion]

I'm going to peel you now, my good Peer!
You won't escape either by begging or howling.
[Takes an onion and pulls off layer after layer.]
...

What an enormous number of sheaths!
Isn't the kernel soon coming to light?
I'm blessed if it is! To the innermost centre,
It's nothing but sheaths - each smaller and smaller -
Nature is witty!
[Henrik Ibsen, PEER GYNT, Act V, Sc.5]

Once i accepted my disability, life got better.

Good luck !
 
  • #41
jim hardy
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oops i didnt notice thread was so old. my bad.
 

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