My girlfriend, her family, and human dysfunctionality in general

In summary, the conversation discusses the individual's interest in physical sciences and their background in electrical engineering. The individual has been away from the forum for a while and returned to gain insight into female and human psychology. They found a thread on nerdiness and Asperger's Syndrome and realized they have some similar traits. The individual has been excluded from their girlfriend's family events due to their introverted nature and tendency to socialize with those they have more in common with. They express frustration with the double standard as their girlfriend's sister's husband, who is unemployed and less educated, is still welcomed by the family. The individual's girlfriend is caught in the middle and has criticized them for not making enough effort to get to know her parents. The
  • #36
Mentallic said:
No one has to like anyone here, but in order to make things work for his relationship with THEIR daughter, it is probably a good idea he tried to do something about it.


A) Yea, he already did, but now it seems like a bad cycle for him if he starts diving into "psychology" etc. They already formed a not-so-favorable opinion of him, that's normally not that easy to reverse. Frankly the guy seems like a perfectly likable nerd judging from his text anyway, so I wouldn't try to fawn for their love.

B) If it matters so much for their daughter that it affects her relationship with him, I'd start getting a bad opinion of her. At some point, you have to grow up and spread wings and stop thinking what mommy and daddy have to say all the time.
 
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  • #37
Femme_physics said:
A) Yea, he already did, but now it seems like a bad cycle for him if he starts diving into "psychology" etc.
I never suggested he do that. I find that a little extreme for his situation since all he needs to do is change his attitude towards less intelligent individuals. There is no need to belittle them, and if you do, this is where it's going to lead.

They already formed a not-so-favorable opinion of him, that's normally not that easy to reverse. Frankly the guy seems like a perfectly likable nerd judging from his text anyway, so I wouldn't try to fawn for their love.
Not quite. I purposely avoid people in my classes that come off as thinking they're better than everyone else. They may be smarter than the average joe, but the rest of us, doing the same class, studying just as hard and getting the same results aren't being up ourselves about it. And yes, it's not easy to reverse, but it's damage he's going to have to deal with - either by changing his attitude now and letting time play it out or having a sour relationship with them from now on, only because they're not giving you something in return.


B) If it matters so much for their daughter that it affects her relationship with him, I'd start getting a bad opinion of her. At some point, you have to grow up and spread wings and stop thinking what mommy and daddy have to say all the time.
From the looks of it, she hasn't been letting this affect their relationship, but it will definitely hinder them at some point. All too often I have seen the daughter go against her parents' wish and then they run off not to speak to them again. And all because of what? A little morality? Not worth it I say.
 
  • #38
Mmmm,I agree with cobalt,think you should reconsider your approach
 
  • #39
Hi My friend,

Great post by the way, very articulate!

Few things, I'm 42 and only got a degree in 2010 after 5 years of night school and 20 years of work!

Business Management - no great surprise there (already your academic snobbery is riled?)
Anyway to your post - families are not perfect, you can't get on with everyone all of the time, but as other posters have said, social skills, in any walk of life, yours included, are important. Sounds like your into this chick, say you have kids? isn't it important that they are taught social skills to get them through life - maybe they won't be as academically gifted as you and only get "normal jobs"? Are you going to instill into them that its only ok to chat if the person they are being social with is of an equal intellectual status? No, this is not right. Some of the worlds most successful CEO's or MDs are in the position because they were good at the "soft skills" maybe they had the technical genius but that doesn't put you in charge of a company! Your post was / is one of the most thoughtful / well written posts I have ever read online - you clearly are a thoughtful guy, but you have to be more! sometimes funny, social, friendly, yes sometimes reserved and always good in bed? Get your head out of the books and raise it into the sky. See the blue and the birds, don't even count them. Just enjoy the small things. Your career should take care of itself. Life is not about a career - a career is only 7 or 9 or 12 hour out of a 24 hour day. Hope this helps.
 
  • #40
IF indeed you have Aspergers:
As an aspie myself, i recommend you learn more about the syndrome.

We build layers of self-defense and try to conceal our angst and anger, from ourselves even, because were it 'allowed' it would detract from our self-image.
Non-aspies can sense this. They are more sensitive to body language and social clues than we are.

[ Peer Gynt addresses the onion]

I'm going to peel you now, my good Peer!
You won't escape either by begging or howling.
[Takes an onion and pulls off layer after layer.]
...

What an enormous number of sheaths!
Isn't the kernel soon coming to light?
I'm blessed if it is! To the innermost centre,
It's nothing but sheaths - each smaller and smaller -
Nature is witty!
[Henrik Ibsen, PEER GYNT, Act V, Sc.5]

Once i accepted my disability, life got better.

Good luck !
 
  • #41
oops i didnt notice thread was so old. my bad.
 

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