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Need advice : My advisor hates me but I need his LoR

  1. Nov 13, 2009 #1
    Hi all Im new here.
    I need advice about my grad school application.
    I need 3 LoRs and Im not sure whether I should include my current (master thesis) advisor in it.

    The reason is he really hates me.
    For some reasons he wants me to stay at his lab and do my PhD there instead of going somewhere else.
    He used to be nice and tried to convince me to stay, but now that Ive decided to go he changed completely.
    When I asked him for LoR he said he will write me one, but then several days after he said that Id better ask someone else for the letter (like my bachelor thesis supervisor).
    In my reply I said that Ive asked my bachelor supervisor, but I still need two others (he didnt know that I need).
    Then he said if that's the case he could give his recommendation for me.

    But I am not sure whether he will write me a good one (at least being objective) or would just fail me so that I wont get admissions.
    He also said that he doesnt want to talk about this any further so Im afraid to ask him what kind of recommendation he will give me.

    I could ask for other professors to write me LoR, but since he is my advisor and I even published a paper with him at I think it might be a little strange if he is not included.

    What should I do?
  2. jcsd
  3. Nov 13, 2009 #2
    Use Psychology on him...? Or bribe him?
  4. Nov 13, 2009 #3
    If you don't trust him to write a good letter, don't force the issue. I've known people who tried to insist on receiving a letter of recommendation, and they've always regretted it in the end.
  5. Nov 13, 2009 #4

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    I agree with TMFKAN64. If someone doesn't want to write you a letter of recommendation, forcing the issue is unlikely to get you a letter that will help you.
  6. Nov 13, 2009 #5
    Thanks for the replies.

    I agree that if he just another reference, it would be better to ask someone else to write the letter.

    But in my case, he is my advisor and I wrote my only paper with him.
    Wont it be strange if I don't get his recommendation?

    And as of now, he said he will write me a letter.
    Just that Im not sure what kind of letter it is.
    Well it wont be real bad but Im not so sure whether it will be "glowing" or not.
  7. Nov 13, 2009 #6

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    Better for it to look strange than for it to look bad.
  8. Nov 13, 2009 #7
    Strangeness have an explanation, badness doesn't.
    If someone ask you why you haven't presented the LoR of yours advisor you can answere in the way you answered us being as honest as possible. If you have a bad letter the expanation isn't believable...
  9. Nov 13, 2009 #8
    He really said he didn't want to talk about it anymore? That seems kind of strange to me, he seems like a jerk.
  10. Nov 13, 2009 #9
    Maybe be honest. Tell him, that you are afraid, that he might not be objective in writing letter, because you want to go somewhere else.

    Atleast, that's what I probably would do. Well, i hope i would do that.
  11. Nov 13, 2009 #10
    Bad, bad idea. If someone tells you that you should ask someone else for a letter of recommendation, that means that you should get one from someone else. He's being nice to you.

    If someone tells you that you should get someone else to write a letter, then they are giving you a hint that it's not going to be a good one.

    1) Probably not. You are one application in pile of several hundred and so people aren't going to think much about it, and

    2) better an odd feeling, than a recommendation letter that will totally sink you
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