I'm a first year graduate student working toward a Physics PhD at a large, top 50, private university in the US. I have weekly (increasingly frequent) panic attacks and I cannot motivate myself to study or do homework. Because of this, I have intense feelings of guilt nearly constantly. I wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares about graduate school, which usually consist of failing courses or failing quals (which I take at the beginning of my second year). I have multiple fist-shaped holes in the walls in my bedroom from panic attacks. I've actually screamed out loud twice now, without knowing why I was screaming. These are my worst moments. I also have good, positive moments. Sometimes I breeze through homework and grading, and my life feels like it's going well. Unfortunately, these days don't last very long. Once the guilt of not doing homework/work catches up, it's over. I have no interest in my courses. I am not struggling because the material is difficult - I just can't bring myself to actually do homework or study. I catastrophically failed my first midterm in Classical Electrodynamics (Jackson). Whenever I tried to study, I froze. I just couldn't convince myself to study for more than an hour. I am low or mid-passing my other courses. TA work is easy and low-stress, and pays generously. Ultimately, I know I'm "capable" of getting my Physics PhD, meaning that I know I have the intelligence necessary. I do not have the work ethic, and ironic as it may be, no matter how hard I try, I cannot convince myself to try to do well in graduate school. I don't want to give up. I feel like a failure already, and I haven't dropped out yet. But at the same time, I can't handle the stress. Do I drop out? Is this normal? Do I just need to suck it up and do the work? If so, how do I do that? I'm not sure what I want to accomplish with this post, but it somehow feels cathartic to just share my thoughts. Does anyone have advice, or can anyone relate to how I feel? Is this a normal part of graduate school? Thanks for reading, and any genuine responses are appreciated. Background: I graduated from a small 4-year liberal arts college last May, with a full scholarship. I have a BS with a double major in Physics and Mathematics. I participated in three summer REU programs, all at top five, ivy league universities (this is largely due to luck, not brilliance). I also worked as a TA for three years. I have excellent computer and programming skills, despite never taking a programming course (and waiving required programming courses in college). I have an abysmal score on the Physics GRE, because I simply could not motivate myself to study for it, and instead chose to wing it.