Torn between leaving and staying

  • Thread starter Thread starter KSmi
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Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around the challenges faced by a participant, KSmi, in a relationship with a boyfriend who may have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD). The focus includes concerns about his anger issues, impulsivity, and verbal abuse, as well as considerations about seeking a diagnosis and the implications for their relationship.

Discussion Character

  • Debate/contested
  • Conceptual clarification
  • Meta-discussion

Main Points Raised

  • KSmi expresses concern about her boyfriend's behavior, noting his anger issues and impulsivity, particularly while driving.
  • Some participants suggest that KSmi should consider breaking up due to her boyfriend's behavior and the potential risks involved.
  • There are inquiries about how to approach the topic of seeking a diagnosis for BPD without offending her boyfriend.
  • One participant emphasizes the importance of KSmi's safety, suggesting that verbal abuse can escalate to other forms of abuse.
  • Another participant questions the legitimacy of the thread, suggesting it may have been started by a spammer.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants express a range of views, with some agreeing on the need for KSmi to prioritize her safety and consider ending the relationship, while others focus on the potential for intervention and support. There is no consensus on how to approach the boyfriend regarding a diagnosis or on the nature of the thread itself.

Contextual Notes

Participants highlight the complexities of dealing with mental illness in relationships, and there are unresolved questions about the best approach for KSmi to take regarding her boyfriend's potential diagnosis and the implications for their relationship.

KSmi
Hi!

You can call me KSmi. As the subject says I think my boyfriend has OCD and BPD. We've been together for almost a year. He used to be really fun and sweet when we were just dating. However, things changed when we started exclusively dating. Apparently, he has anger issues and a feisty temper. He is also impulsive. He gets really worked up when he drives recklessly. He also has a tendency to "verbally abuse" me and/or the people around us.

I have honestly been thinking about leaving him. His OC behaviour is tiring me out sad to say. I'd like for us to remain as friends, but I am not entirely sure that is possible. The thing is, I guess it would be best if we have him diagnosed for bpd first. Is there a way I could ask him to do it without sounding offensive?

Also, would insurance cover therapist consultations? Was thinking of contacting insurance companies from this directory, link deleted by Borek , but I am not familiar with them. So if you also have some advise re BPD and insurance I'd love to learn more about it, too!

Thanks!
 
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People like that only seem fun and interesting for first few days, honey, break up! :wink:

(I just wanted to use word honey as it fits perfect :biggrin:)

Your last few lines are full of spamish words! You might want to remove the link to be considered seriously.
 
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Nope, no advice on insurance or BPD. Just want to say agree with rootX. You should tell him you're not happy with him and that he should see a therapist, else the relationship isn't going to work. You shouldn't be in a car with someone who drives recklessly and you shouldn't be with someone who can't control their abusiveness either.
 
edit:

What I meant to say, per Borek's excellent point, is: Kiss my grits.
 
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KSmi said:
Apparently, he has anger issues and a feisty temper. He is also impulsive. He gets really worked up when he drives recklessly. He also has a tendency to "verbally abuse" me and/or the people around us.

I have honestly been thinking about leaving him. His OC behaviour is tiring me out sad to say. I'd like for us to remain as friends, but I am not entirely sure that is possible. The thing is, I guess it would be best if we have him diagnosed for bpd first. Is there a way I could ask him to do it without sounding offensive?

It's hard when those around you (and those you are close to) suffer from mental illness (or develop it). At this point you need to insure your safety first (I say this because verbal abuse can lead to other forms of abuse, and if you're in the car when he is having an episode, it also is unsafe for you).

Unfortunately, I have no advise on how to get him to seek treatment. Maybe a group intervention can help, so not all blame will be placed on you?
 
You do understand you are talking to a spammer, who started the thread just to post a link, and never came back?

See this if you doubt.
 
Borek said:
You do understand you are talking to a spammer, who started the thread just to post a link, and never came back?

See this if you doubt.

Ugh... I don't doubt you.
 
are you happy? you should be.
 

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