Ut off from family, because of an unconfirmed condition

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  • #1
wolram
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Main Question or Discussion Point

Tell me how you would feel if you were cut off from family, because of an unconfirmed condition, one still has mom and dad they are troopers, but why do the others so readily
discard you?
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
Evo
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Aw, Wolram, we will never discard you. Sounds like you are going through a hard time?
 
  • #3
Leah


It's awful when you are disregarded by your own family. My mom remarried when I was 6 years old and divorced when I was 16 years old. For 10 years I had a grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles and cousins. As soon as the divorce, they ignored me. I never talked to them again.
 
  • #4
JasonRox
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My mom never calls me, visits me, or barely talks to me when I'm around her. She basically ignores me unless something big happens.

This all happened when I moved out. She lost money because I moved out. I found out my mom has lied to me about money issues for years, and technically by law, she owes me thousands and thousands of dollars.
 
  • #5
lisab
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I bet if you let them know you've been feeling left out, they would be surprised...I bet they don't even realize how their behavior is affecting you. I mean, they aren't malicious or mean people, right? It's likely just an oversight on their part.

But relationships are two-way streets and you have a responsibility to let them know how you're feeling.
 
  • #6
Borek
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I have sent you a postcard Wolly :smile: Hopefully it will get to you this year.

Completely off topic:

Now and then I find it amusing to try to analyze the difference between Present Perfect and Past Simple. These things are organized completely different in Polish, so English tenses are black magic for me and I quite often have a feeling I am using them on the random basis. But sometimes I am trying to apply logic to what I am doing. So, acording to the book "Angielskie czasy" ("English tenses") that I have close to my desk:

"I have sent you a postcard" - and I know it is on its way, it will get to you to raise your mood.

"I sent you a postcard" - but I don't care what will happen.

Unfortunately, while I prefer the first approach, I think it is "I sent you a postcard" - and it landed at my post office, that's beyond event horizon.
 
  • #7
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Sorry to hear Wolram,

But I agree with Lisa, it's two way. Perhaps the siblings think the same and unexpected things may happen when you took the initiative and (re)socialize. I could be worth the try. Think positive.
 
  • #8
tchitt


I bet if you let them know you've been feeling left out, they would be surprised...I bet they don't even realize how their behavior is affecting you. I mean, they aren't malicious or mean people, right? It's likely just an oversight on their part.
This is probably a bit of a flaw in just the way I percieve things in general but I tend to take "oversights" like this as thoughtlessness, which translates into carelessness, which indicates that the whole feeling abandoned idea holds weight. It sort of makes you wonder why they're not thinking enough of you to do whatever it is you want them to do.

At the same time I'm sure I make all kinds of oversights all the time. Maybe even more than everyone else does. Let's just hope all the people in my life aren't as neurotic as me...? :tongue:

I'm not sure if this is you asking for advice (as some people have given you some), or if you were just thinking about it and decided to get everyone's thoughts... but the "abandonment" of you by extended family depends on a lot of things. For instance, if my Dad were to divorce my Stepmother I would probably never speak with her or her family again. I probably wouldn't even speak with my stepsister (I only really talk to her at family gatherings anyway). This isn't because I'd rather not speak to any of them, it just tends to seem like what you are supposed to DO in that situation.

As far as aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. go... well I don't see any reason for contact to be severed in the first place because you didn't give any.

As I type I'm beginning to realize that your question is too broad. Never mind.
 
  • #9
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People are really frightened when they half to deal with a medical condition they are unsure of. They don't know what to say, nor do they want to cause you to have a seizure. They may think they are disturbing you.
I have been in a similar situation, and really had to go out of my way to let people know that I was still the same 'ol me. I wrote letters, made phone calls and invited people to dinner. They soon got the hint that I was still me and was not a invalid.
 
  • #10
JasonRox
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People are really frightened when they half to deal with a medical condition they are unsure of. They don't know what to say, nor do they want to cause you to have a seizure. They may think they are disturbing you.
I have been in a similar situation, and really had to go out of my way to let people know that I was still the same 'ol me. I wrote letters, made phone calls and invited people to dinner. They soon got the hint that I was still me and was not a invalid.
That's a specific case. I know what you mean though.

I personally wouldn't talk much to people who react like that. If they can't grow up, it's not my problem. I can't hold everyone's hand.

If someone tells me they have some kind of condition, you'll hardly see me sympathize too much. I just go on with it. Life doesn't change, especially if I couldn't even notice it.

It changes when you die, or something drastic. Why change before that?
 
  • #11
misgfool


Tell me how you would feel if you were cut off from family,
Disappointed. Accept the changed reality. Move on. Survive.

because of an unconfirmed condition, one still has mom and dad they are troopers, but why do the others so readily
discard you?
Mind if I ask what kind of condition is it?
 
  • #12
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A friend of mine was abandoned from his family, so he has no one to celebrate Christmas with this year.
 
  • #13
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Disappointed. Accept the changed reality. Move on. Survive.

Same here. I went through enough divorces, remarriages, and exiled family members during my childhood to realize that one does not need to be close to ones family to be alright in life. I might be sad for a week or so but after that I would get over it.
 
  • #14


Gee: Don't know what to say but to wish you the best... peace and healing.

Some of my best holidays and birthdays were when I could just disappear from everyone and concentrate on myself. I hung up thrift-store lights all over the inside of my house one holiday season (even around the mirror in my bathroom), turned the radio on to some nice tunes, and went around during the evenings with no other lights on. It was pretty wonderful in a quiet way.
 
  • #15
Leah


I guess that I was bummed because my stepfather and his family didn't want me in their lives anymore. It was during my formative years, 6 -16 years old. So much else goes on during those years like finding yourself, puberty, etc., that to have one side of my family stop being a part of my life hurt me. After the divorce, my stepfather stopped being a father too. I think that divorce really can mess one up. Yes, I guess I accepted it and went on, but I still feel hurt by it. My stepfather is still alive somewhere. Maybe I should try to contact him...not!
 

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