Mk said:
Sounds very familiar. In fact it happens to me all the time, everyday. But I'm not insane and I don't get panic attacks because I completely blank out the possibility of that terrible thing that might be there or that might be happening, which effectively annihilates number 2, while at the same time go with number 1. Works every time.
Wow, even off-the-wall things like ripping out your eyes? Is it like you're intentionally trying to be careful and it just gets out of control or do the thoughts just pop into your head?
If you're occupied with a leisurely task that has you thinking, like PFing (I may have picked that up from someone else, or maybe I just say it, has a nice ring to it anyhow ehh?) you're usually pretty safe. Mindless, boring, repetitive, I-don't-want-to-do-it tasks don't work to well.
Yeah, keeping my mind occupied helps too (keeping the thoughts from popping up), and it's worse when I'm not absorbed in some activity and my mind can just wander.
That kind of thing makes me not like shower curtains

, its like tissue paper you can't see through, anything could be happening on the other side and its this close to you! Many times I quickly open it (from the outside), and sometimes I end up peeking out the side, from the inside. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that, you might have an alarm going off next time you take a shower.
Don't worry, just about every possibly dangerous situation is already a problem for me. (Although I did get a thought of a 30-foot python wrapping me up like I was in a sleeping bag when I tried to fall asleep yesterday, thank you very much.

) I already have problems taking a shower, either that someone will attack me or lightning will hit the house, travel through the plumbing, and strike me. I can't even take a shower during a lightning storm. If there's a razor or pressurized can in the shower, that bothers me too. I check behind the shower door too. I check everywhere, even while walking around my house. My eyes have to be everywhere - on the floor, in front of me, behind me, around the corner, into possible hiding places, etc. It's ridiculous.
If I had a reoccurring problem with the window I would solve it. Like position a mirror so that you can take a glance at it if you get any funny ideas. Those ones you find in the corners of convinces stores would be great.
Yeah, but I'm actually trying to get better.

Doing stuff like that is how I got to the point of not being able to leave my house or even close my eyes for more than a few seconds (until I'm so tired that I have to sleep). The mirror wouldn't work for long anyway. What if the person ducks everytime I look or is just out of sight? And it's not just the window thing. There are probably thousands of individual thoughts. I can't imagine ANY situation that wouldn't trigger a thought. Even being in an extremely safe room and physically restrained, I could stop myself from breathing (er,
I wouldn't do that, but I could lose control of my body). If I were hooked up to a breathing machine, it could stop working or the electricity could fail, if there was a person there to do it manually, they could hurt me or have a heart attack and die, a bomb could be on its way, and so on.
It can always find something. I am never really 100% safe, and this is what it latches onto. There's no way to beat it by trying to make myself safe. I just have to face the danger and learn to live with it, which is what I'm trying to do now. And I hope that anyone else having similar problems considers doing the same - face your fears and learn to live with them. Really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks again for helping me on math honestrosewater!
OMG, I helped someone with math! Well, you're very welcome and thank you for mentioning it! Woot!
