Why do people hate other people's success?

[FallenApple]

I see a lot of highly educated people become envious. I mean it doesn't make sense logically how a fully rational person can experience this. It's almost pathetic. Like they know intellectually it's wrong but go with it anyway.

Even if someone succeeded because of luck, who cares! It doesn't mean they are automatically to be looked down upon compared to someone unlucky.

Are many of these people just delusional?

 

[DaveC426913]

1] Are you asking why highly-educated people become envious of other people's success?

2] Can you give a specific example? It's certainly a cliche that people are often envious of others' success, but that's a pretty broad observation. Individuals may feel a certain way based on their own unique circumstances. It's unlikely you will find a single answer for a whole category of behaviors.

 

[FallenApple]

1] Are you asking why highly-educated people become envious of other people's success?

2] Can you give a specific example? It's certainly a cliche that people are often envious of others' success, but that's a pretty broad observation. Individuals may feel a certain way based on their own unique circumstances. It's unlikely you will find a single answer for a whole category of people.

1) yes I'm asking that. Because anyone with beyond Calculus education should not be so mentally disabled to pick on other people's success without complete evaluation.

2) Yes, me. I was able to find dates with attractive women and some of my friends weren't able to find any dates at all. They pretty much just cut me out. Is it really my fault for their circumstances?

 

[DaveC426913]

1) yes I'm asking that. Because anyone with beyond Calculus education should not be so mentally disabled to pick on other people's success without complete evaluation.

2) Yes, me. I was able to find dates with attractive women and some of my friends weren't able to find any dates at all. They pretty much just cut me out. Is it really my fault for their circumstances?

OK, that's a very different question.

What makes you think it is specifically your success in mathematics that soured them on you?
What makes you think your ability to date attractive women is related to your math ability, or you success in general?

[ EDIT ] Oh wait. You didn't actually say your success was in math.

 

[FallenApple]

OK, that's a very different question.

What makes you think it is specifically your success in mathematics that soured them on you?
What makes you think your ability to date attractive women is related to your math ability, or you success in general?

Maybe it's a coincidence. Maybe they think I'm bragging. Because I update them on my life. And they give these frustrated compliments and then contact me less and less. I mean, it could be total coincidence. But I'm not betting on it.

 

[DaveC426913]

Maybe they think I'm bragging. Because I update them on my life.

This sounds like a better bet.

 

[FallenApple]

This sounds like a better bet.

Ah so people rather hear about other's misfortunes. Because it makes them feel better. I know this well. When I'm having a hard time in life, I contact them and they are more than willing to talk. But when things are going well, they just hate me for it.

 

[DaveC426913]

Ah so people rather hear about other misfortunes. Because it makes them feel better.

People like to have a chance to do more than hear - good or bad. People like to talk, too.

Do you ask them how their lives are going?

 

[FallenApple]

People like to have a chance to do more than hear - good or bad. People like to talk, too.

Do you ask them how their lives are going?

I see your point. I actually could do that a lot more.

 

[DaveC426913]

Being successful - and doing it well - means being modest.

Show your friends you care about them. Ask them how things are going. Laud their accomplishments. Even the smallest-seeming thing to you can be important to them, and there's always something positive to be found in anything.

Only update them when they ask you. And be modest when you do. (Tell a little bit, then switch back to asking them about themselves.)

 

[FallenApple]

I mean, I do ask them how life is going. But it's just that when things are going well for me, they just say its a string of luck and make no reservations of hiding their opinion of that from me.

 

[FallenApple]

Being successful - and doing it well - means being modest.

Show your friends you care about them. Ask them how things are going. Laud their accomplishments. Even the smallest-seeming thing to you can be important to them, and there's always something positive to be found in anything.

Only update them when they ask you. And be modest when you do. (Tell a little bit, then switch back to asking them about themselves.)

Thanks. That's pretty good advice. I should keep that in mind. Any way to mend broken relationships? I think it may be beyond the point of repair because they talk among mutual friends that I'm not humble at all.

Maybe I'm just different, because when my other friends that are way more successful than me boast, it doesn't really put me down. Which makes me find that behavior peculiar in other people.

 

[DaveC426913]

Any way to mend broken relationships?

First chance you get, tell them you owe them an apology and that you may have been a bit of a jerk.
Don't taint it by trying to excuse it, just apologize and say you'ive been thoughtless.

Then drop it (so it doesn't end up turning into a total rehash of the situation).

Next time you talk to them, ask them how their lives are going. Ask leading questions, show interest.
If your life comes up, brush it off 'well, I've been pretty verbose about that, haven't I?'.
Rinse, repeat.

They will rapidly recognize the change of heart.

 

[FallenApple]

First chance you get, tell them you owe them an apology and that you may have been a bit of a jerk.
Don't taint it by trying to excuse it, just apologize and say you'ive been thoughtless.

Then drop it (so it doesn't end up turning into a total rehash of the situation).

Next time you talk to them, ask them how their lives are going. Ask leading questions, show interest.
If your life comes up, brush it off 'well, I've been pretty verbose about that, haven't I?'.
Rinse, repeat.

They will rapidly recognize the change of heart.

Yes, I can do that. It will probably awkward at first, but I think it's worth it.

 

[symbolipoint]

I see a lot of highly educated people become envious. I mean it doesn't make sense logically how a fully rational person can experience this. It's almost pathetic. Like they know intellectually it's wrong but go with it anyway.

Even if someone succeeded because of luck, who cares! It doesn't mean they are automatically to be looked down upon compared to someone unlucky.

Are many of these people just delusional?

Trying to account for peoples feelings rationally will too often not work, because brilliant and genius people can also be irrational.

 

[DaveC426913]

It will probably awkward at first

Yes, and that's OK.

Awkward sends a strong message of active change.

 

[FallenApple]

Yes, and that's OK.

Awkward sends a strong message of active change.

Thanks, yes that makes sense. I should probably know these things already, but for some reason I don't. I'll give it a try. Maybe over text or something.

 

[FallenApple]

Trying to account for peoples feelings rationally will too often not work, because brilliant and genius people can also be irrational.

True, but I mean I was probably irrational for thinking that I could be insensitive and get away with it.

 

[symbolipoint]

True, but I mean I was probably irrational for thinking that I could be insensitive and get away with it.

There you are! You may be a successful student, very successful, maybe even brilliant, and you were doing something which lacked rational treatment of other peoples feelings - just a guess - this is something for you to figure out, since you are in your situation and were are not.

 

[FallenApple]

There you are! You may be a successful student, very successful, maybe even brilliant, and you were doing something which lacked rational treatment of other peoples feelings - just a guess - this is something for you to figure out, since you are in your situation and were are not.

Yeah, it's weird but I was never upset at other people's boasting. I assumed that people would feel the same way.

 

[DaveC426913]

True, but I mean I was probably irrational for thinking that I could be insensitive and get away with it.

Meh. You were chuffed over your own success. And you have every right to be.

Your friends just want to know that you're also chuffed about them as friends.

 

[fresh_42]

True, but I mean I was probably irrational for thinking that I could be insensitive and get away with it.

I think we can close this thread now with this insight before less sensitive users will chime in.