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Why get married? Why have children?

  1. Apr 17, 2009 #1
    I have not been married by age 50 because, among other things, I am afraid of divorce, eventual incompatibility or the randomness of choosing one from a billion nubile women ("the grass is greener"). I know all too well what falling in love feels like - one of the most intense passions (temptations?) I have had the pleasure to experience - but that alone cannot make a lifetime bond. I love more my closeness with a girlfriend of seven years, but not enough to risk my future and savings with marriage. I am sorry if she thinks I am leading her on.

    If I appear miserly, let me explain with the example of children. Because of a serious inheritable illness, I would not want to pass onto them my genes - likewise, adopt kids. Similarly, my emotions would erode under the stress of 24/7 kids, although I love children in general. My savings and small salary are enough to live comfortably into old age and a decent nursing home (I currently prepare by volunteering at one), but not to support a family. Also, there are way too many dangers in this world for me to justify bringing kids into it.

    Please relate your experiences with these major life decisions.
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Apr 17, 2009 #2
    Marriage can also lead to happiness. You are looking at the possible bad outcomes of marrying someone. Also nursing homes are NOT good places. I am not going to live in a nursing home ever. They are the most depressing places on earth. There is most likely something afterdeath, or there may be nothing, either way it could not be worse than living in a nursing home for me. Children are not for every one, they are alot of work however sometimes having a child with another person will make a divorce less likely.
     
  4. Apr 17, 2009 #3
    I find your argument interesting. In Chinese culture, people want to have kids. This is because in Chinese culture, your kids are supposed to take care of you in old age. It is all part of a deeply entrenched perception of filial piety in Chinese and some other Asian cultures. Filial piety is stressed in Confucianism, which has influenced a number of countries in East Asia historically.
     
  5. Apr 17, 2009 #4

    Chi Meson

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    There could not be any reason nor justification that anyone else could give that would apply to you. If you are confident with the validity of your statement, if it truly portrays your attitude, then there is no reason to "justify" it. If your girlfriend knows this position, yet is somehow pressuring you to take the next step, my guess is that she is not as confident as you as she approaches the second half-century of life (big assumption on my part).

    I got married at 27 because I knew that I wanted to. On previous considerations of the same question (with other girls) there was always a voice in the back of my head that said "no, get out of this." WHen there was no such voice, I could not think of a reason not to get married (ironically, the wedding process itself turned out to be a reason not to). If there is any small voice in your head before getting married, I can only imagine that it would get louder and louder through the years.

    As far as kids go, they are difficult, exhausting, exasperating, infuriating, and worth every minute. [/glurge]
     
  6. Apr 17, 2009 #5
    I never wanted to get married until I met a woman that I fell in love with. She expected marriage from a serious relationship and since I loved her I would have given her that. She left me though, long before any marriage, and now I'm not so sure whether I would get married. Part of me likes the idea.

    Children. I don't really want to have children. If I were to get a woman pregnant I would not run away. I would not otherwise choose to be a parent. Perhaps if I were well off financially I might consider adoption.
     
  7. Apr 17, 2009 #6
    It is worth noting that there is a reasonable possibility that there will be a cure for whatever illness you speak of in their lifetime.
     
  8. Apr 17, 2009 #7
    You haven't truly fallen in love yet. You will know you are in love when you care more about the other person than you do yourself. Then, you will not even think about risks, but only how to make that other person happy.
     
  9. Apr 17, 2009 #8

    mgb_phys

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    I can't stand them - I was hoping to have some in order to live out my sporting dreams vicariously through them, but it never happened.
     
  10. Apr 17, 2009 #9
    I always thought that kids are great. Then I had to babysit my brothers son once... what a vicious little bastard.
     
  11. Apr 17, 2009 #10

    mgb_phys

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    The answer to all your child care needs - now available in pink http://www.taser.org/taserc2-2.html
     
  12. Apr 17, 2009 #11
    :smile: I'll just show this to my brothers wife. I will never be babysitting again.
     
  13. Apr 17, 2009 #12
    :rofl:

    I think children are pretty much like little monsters. I can't afford to have one near me.
     
  14. Apr 17, 2009 #13
    I'm still working this one out.
     
  15. Apr 17, 2009 #14

    mgb_phys

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    I think it's legal in Utah
     
  16. Apr 17, 2009 #15

    Ivan Seeking

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    Speaking as someone who didn't have children, I can honestly say that I have regretted it...for at least five minutes...maybe ten. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have watched other parents and thanked God that we don't have kids.

    Tsu would say pretty much the same thing; less perhaps the ten minutes of regret.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2009
  17. Apr 17, 2009 #16
    And you were 27 when this voice disappeared. Interesting. If I knew how old you are now, I could investigate whether the voice came to me, because it has not left yet.

    Indeed. My other person has still not understood how marriage is pointless for us both. Marriage matters only to make other people share your happiness. Once she will have fully realized it, I'll ask her to get married. In the meantime, I re-educate her.
     
  18. Apr 17, 2009 #17

    mgb_phys

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    I think I detect a fundamental flaw in your plan!
     
  19. Apr 17, 2009 #18
    Marriage is nice, if death vanquishes either one.
     
  20. Apr 17, 2009 #19

    Ivan Seeking

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    I have often be amazed by the people who spends tens of thousands of dollars [medical] for just to have children. Clearly these folks have a drive that I never did.

    I have also seen a few cases where the woman got pregnant just before she and her boyfriend were about to split - the man trap.
     
  21. Apr 17, 2009 #20
    I think MEN are the biggest kids in the world!:biggrin:
     
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