Write a Limerick: Join the Thread!

[quddusaliquddus]

This is a lim-e-rick thread
As you can tell from the head
If you are a writer
Please pass the lighter
Otherwise my face will go red
[]

 

[arildno]

There was this guy from Texas,
who'd found a terrorist nexus
in a little known zoo
in the cage of a kangaroo
he went in, well armed, but was kicked in the solar plexus

 

[Jenn_ucsb]

There once was a woman in lace
Her boobs were all over the place
Her friends were disgusted
With laughter they busted
And sent her out into space

 

[Jenn_ucsb]

There once was a man in leather
With his groin he could tell the weather
But he never eats
'Cause he's got so much meat
So he just floated off like a feather

...I seem to have a theme...people in kinky clothing leaving the earth...

 

[hypnagogue]

Here's one I wrote and performed at the poetry slam of this year's Towards a Science of Consciousness convention in Tuscon. disclaimer: You need some familiarity with philosophy of mind to completely get it.

"A British Philosopher of Mind Talks Past His Eliminativist Woman on their First Date." (read in a British accent to make the rhymes work... and to increase the humor value. )

I once met a colorblind Mary
Whose paradigms I did quite fancy
We concurred a great deal
But when I brought up 'raw feels'
She gave me a slap prima facie!

 

[zoobyshoe]

The Absent Minded Jellyfish

When a jellyfish goes out a walkin',
All the people around start a talkin'.
On his tentacles, ten,
He'll wear shoes, just like men
But he'll never remember one stockin'.

 

[zoobyshoe]

A Night At The Opera

Once a jellyfish sang at the opera,
But was cursed by what sounded like doppla'.
Though she sang like a harp,
Every note ended sharp,
And she never became really popla'.

 

[jimmy p]

I always wanted to know how

"there was an old man from Nantucket" ended.

There was a young lad called Jim
Who thought he would go for a swim
He jumped in the pool
And felt like a fool
Cos there was no water in.

 

[tribdog]

There once was a boy with a problem
It seems something was wrong with his noggin'
"My name's Jimmy P"
"and what's bothering me"
"Is I can't tell my head from my bottom."

 

[Hurkyl]

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

 

[zoobyshoe]

There once was a boy with a problem
It seems something was wrong with his noggin'
"My name's Jimmy P"
"and what's bothering me"
"Is I can't tell my head from my bottom."

You can get away with "problem" (problum) and "bottom" (bottum) but "noggin"s got to go.

 

[zoobyshoe]

In Nantucket there was an old man
Who got lost on his way to the can.
He looked all around,
But it couldn't be found.
So he improvised with an old pan.

 

[tribdog]

You can get away with "problem" (problum) and "bottom" (bottum) but "noggin"s got to go.

On the far away planet Zooby
Lives an alien critical to me
"I don't like your rhyme,"
"It's a waste of my time."
Oh why does he treat me so sh*tty?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If you're trying for rhyming with "Zooby"
The vowels you're seeking are "oo ee".
To use the word "sh*tty"
Is wrong. (And not pretty.)
And it just makes you look like a booby.

 

[tribdog]

I wonder if Zooby is drunk
his critique is nothing but bunk.
He should be nice
cause I won't ask him twice.
"Now do you feel lucky? Punk."

 

[tribdog]

Now Zooby I don't want to fight.
This really could take us all night.
So listen to this:
Do you want to kiss?
Just ask me. And maybe, I might.

 

[tribdog]

What a stupid mistake, I say.
Zooby's an honorary gray.
I misread his name
now I'm filled shame.
I kissed 'cause I thought it said gay.

 

[Math Is Hard]

LOL! nicely done!

 

[Evo]

Tribdog, you are too much.

 

[The_Professional]

Tribdog, will you have my babies?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Now that I've taught poor Tribdog to rhyme,
All the girls want a piece of his time.
I hope now he'll see
That advice that's from me
Steers him clear of poetical crime.

 

[tribdog]

Zooby, I feel like a fool.
But I really enjoyed having our duel.
While I think I'm the best
I can say without jest,
Your rhyming was truly a jewel.

 

[zoobyshoe]

It could be that now you're the best,
Since your lines can now pass the rhyme test,
But it's quite plain to see
You're a nut, just like me,
To waste time in a limerick fest.

 

[tribdog]

Well, Zooby. Our dues have been paid.
So now we can stop this charade.
If we play our cards right,
put a stop to this fight.
these poems just might get us laid.

 

[hypnagogue]

A limmerick is not fancy prose.
This is a fact that everyone knows!
You can make 'em wordy,
But if they ain't dirty,
Then you'll just make everyone doze!

 

[Enuma_Elish]

A postcard found me at home
It said it was sent from Nome
Where I do not live near
Still the postcard is here
It was from my long lost Gnome!

 

[tribdog]

I thought that this thread had been killed.
The fact of which made me quite thrilled.
It was fresh at the time,
but I reread my rhyme,
and the freshness has somehow congealed.

 

[mattmns]

That little guy tribdog thinks he can rhyme,
I guess he doesn't know that it's not his time,
to shine here at PF, if he got a grade it'd have to been an F,
everything here is fair and square, so don't call a Ref,
you just got ripped in half with a crazy dope rhyme.

hmm, I think I tried to make that too complex
now people are going think that I can't flex,
my lyircal muscle, cause that's what I want to prove,
show you just how my words will soothe.

 

[mattmns]

hmm, Tribdog has yet to respond,
I guess that means I'm like Bond,
when it comes to murdering want to bee rhymers,
cause when it's masterful ryhmes I'm no first timer!
Come on trib, wave that magical wand.

 

[mattmns]

Man o man, I just can't stop flowin,
I'm like Enigerizer I just keep on goin,
on and on for days and days,
it seems like my skillful rhymes will always,
keep me on top, over trib, cause that's who I'll do in!

 

[tribdog]

I'll answer you without a doubt.
I'd started, but my power went out
So I went for a walk.
There's no lights on my block
Like your head, I'm sorry. Don't pout.

 

[Galileo]

Something doesn't seem allright
I'm staying up, into the night
Addicted to the forum
or just out of bore'dum
I feel like staying up 'till light.

Homework's piling up on me
Got some tests in a day or three
Should be working, but instead
I`m reading rhymes from trib and matt
Gotta hits the beds, so see..


..you guys laterzzz :zzz:

 

[mattmns]

You know I won't pout, you said your power went out,
guess you could say my rhymes knocked your lights out.
Back to the topic, I hope you had a good walk,
cause my lyrics will give you a smack and force you to balk,
but seriously trib, you and I, it won't be much of a bout.

 

[tribdog]

You suffer from a lack of rhythm.
Syllable counters? You need 'em.
A haiku is 5-7-5
I'd like to see yours, if you tried.
You'd go three-twenty four-then eleven.

 

[mattmns]

Lack of rhythm you say,
but you know I can play,
with your head all day.
I'll keep going, you'll pay,
with a smack if I may.

 

[tribdog]

I'm going to go take a shower
I'll be back here in less than an hour
You take your time
and work on your rhyme
I'll be back soon to show you my power.

 

[mattmns]

Thank you trib, cause man you really stink,
your rhymes are terrible, it's like you don't think,
when you put words together, it's like grinding nails on,
a chalkboard, remember I'm the teacher and it's on.
Your rhymes are.. maybe they'll be better after a drink.

 

[tribdog]

Your poems, do they make you proud?
They really stand out in a crowd.
But so does a guy
with unzippered fly
You should feel shame, and have your head bowed.

 

[tribdog]

What? you're not drunk?
Damn, it's worse than I thunk.
You have no excuse
and you rhyme like a moose
you're simply a no talent punk.

 

[tribdog]

Matt: the limerick wrecker
types with one hand on his _____
your rhymes are so bad
it's really so sad
You should try clicking on the crap-checker

 

[brewnog]

There once was a Trib from Iran,
Who wrote verse that just wouldn't scan,
When asked why that was,
He said it's because,
He likes to fit as many words into the last line of his poems as he possibly can.

 

[tribdog]

lol
funny.

 

[Enuma_Elish]

I was just lurking around, reading posts
I wasn't even looking for sexy hosts
When I came across Evo
Who had a ticket to this show
That's how it was reclaimed from ghosts.

 

[tribdog]

It's Evo who I should blame?
Damn, that's truly a shame.
She's not talking to me
No matter how hard I plea
I'm sorry! I'll try to be tame.

 

[mattmns]

Hearing these whack rhymes, I should take a header,
maybe if I wait, there will be something better,
but they would certainly not top the master,
bate is what will make the time go faster.
So I will wait, maybe even go write a letter.

 

[mattmns]

I thank you Evo for bringing this to my attention,
you would think funny would mean good rhyme invention,
but it doesn't, man is trib off tonight,
maybe it's just me, cause I'm so tight.
What the **** am I going to rhyme with attention?

 

[tribdog]

A letter? Why stop at one?
Write a hundred, that would be fun.
Cause when you're not here.
there's no pain in my ear.
And those letters, please send me none.

 

[mattmns]

Trib! now that was real good,
in fact it even changed mood,
I am no longer happy, now I grief,
rhymes so good I'll call you a thief.
I guess my excuse will be time for food.

 

[tribdog]

I'll be happy as long as you go
Your poems are worse than you know.
Try reading out loud
you won't be so proud
Your prose doesn't go with the flow.

 

[mattmns]

I think I am done for the night,
this will give trib time to bite,
my rhymes, which you know are number one,
yeah, you can't touch my lyrical massacre son,
spectators, sorry but it's going to be a short fight.