56 Worst Analogies Found in High School Papers

[G01]

A little Friday reading for everyone:

http://www.losteyeball.com/index.php/2007/06/19/56-worstbest-analogies-of-high-school-students/

Enjoy!

 

[sylas]

A little Friday reading for everyone:

http://www.losteyeball.com/index.php/2007/06/19/56-worstbest-analogies-of-high-school-students/

Enjoy!

Some of those are terrible. But some are pretty good!

Here are a couple I liked.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.​

 

[G01]

For the physics people:

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

 

[Evo]

Ahahhaa, those were great!

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

 

[G01]

(Need to type something so my message isn't too short)

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

 

[The legend]

LOLOL!


Those rocked!
Thanks for sharing, GO1!

 

[The legend]

Few good, small ones...

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

 

[BobG]

Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.

What are those gizmos called, anyway?

 

[Office_Shredder]

What are those gizmos called, anyway?

Twist ties

 

[Evo]

What are those gizmos called, anyway?

Bread clips.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_clip

 

[leroyjenkens]

This one doesn't even make sense.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

Wouldn't it be the thighs doing the compressing? A Thigh Master doesn't compress itself.

Bread clips.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_clip

I hate those things. I like the twist ties better. Sometimes I get confused on which way to twist, but that's ok.

 

[fourier jr]

here's another funny list
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/10/math_classes_for_people_who_ca.html

 

[turbo]

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Too Good!

 

[Chi Meson]

At least the blogger knows that these are mostly great analogies, not "worst." If the authors deliberately came up with these for comic effect, then they each had a stroke of genius when writing (in most cases; not all are winners). Some remind me of Dave Barry (#40) , or the writing in Leslie Neilson's (RIP) movies (#28). Some of these are A-list stand-up comedy material for Jake Johannsen (#48), Billy Connolly (#17--actually that IS his bit), and Eddie Izzard (#18). #5 sounds like it's from a Billy Collins Poem. In other words, this is quality stuff.

My favorite of not-yet-quoted:

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

 

[Jack21222]

At least the blogger knows that these are mostly great analogies, not "worst." If the authors deliberately came up with these for comic effect, then they each had a stroke of genius when writing (in most cases; not all are winners). Some remind me of Dave Barry (#40) , or the writing in Leslie Neilson's (RIP) movies (#28). Some of these are A-list stand-up comedy material for Jake Johannsen (#48), Billy Connolly (#17--actually that IS his bit), and Eddie Izzard (#18). #5 sounds like it's from a Billy Collins Poem. In other words, this is quality stuff.

I was going to make a very similar post. I could see several of those lines being said by Leslie Nielsen in a Naked Gun movie.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Since we're picking favorites, I'll pick this one.

51.It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

.
Its the most unheard of thing I ever heard of.

 

[Dembadon]

My favorites are #1 and #12:

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

 

[Janus]

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Is a lot like:

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

which is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.

 

[Gokul43201]

Is a lot like:


which is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.

That's one (the construction, not the exact phrase) that I've stolen a few times as well. It's one of my favorite steals, along with (approximately) "disappearing in a puff of logic".