56 Worst Analogies Found in High School Papers

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Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around humorous analogies found in high school papers, with participants sharing their favorites and commenting on the creativity and comedic value of these analogies. The scope includes exploration of language, humor, and writing styles.

Discussion Character

  • Exploratory
  • Debate/contested

Main Points Raised

  • Some participants express enjoyment of the analogies, noting that while some are terrible, others are quite good.
  • A participant highlights a specific analogy about star-crossed lovers racing like freight trains, suggesting a humorous take on romantic imagery.
  • Another participant shares a favorite analogy comparing a person's growth to a colony of E. coli, emphasizing the absurdity of the comparison.
  • Several participants contribute additional analogies, showcasing a variety of humorous comparisons, such as comparing a duck to one that is literally lame.
  • There is a discussion about the names of bread bag closures, with participants sharing different terms like "twist ties" and "bread clips." This leads to a humorous exchange about the confusion surrounding these items.
  • One participant critiques an analogy about a face being a perfect oval, questioning the logic behind it and suggesting that the analogy might not make sense.
  • Another participant reflects on the quality of the analogies, suggesting that many are not truly "worst" but rather clever and comedic, likening them to the work of well-known comedians and writers.
  • Favorites are shared, including analogies that evoke strong imagery or absurdity, such as comparing a lamp to an inanimate object.
  • References to well-known works, such as Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," are made, indicating the influence of literature on the humor of the analogies.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants generally agree on the humorous nature of the analogies, but there are differing opinions on which analogies are the best or most effective. The discussion remains open-ended with no consensus on a definitive list of favorites.

Contextual Notes

Some analogies are critiqued for their logical coherence, and there is a playful exploration of language that may not adhere to conventional standards. The humor is subjective, and interpretations vary among participants.

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Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
 
Ahahhaa, those were great!

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
 
(Need to type something so my message isn't too short)

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
 
LOLOL!
:smile::smile::smile::smile:

Those rocked!
Thanks for sharing, GO1!
 
Few good, small ones...
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
 
Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.

What are those gizmos called, anyway?
 
BobG said:
What are those gizmos called, anyway?

Twist ties
 
  • #11
This one doesn't even make sense.
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
Wouldn't it be the thighs doing the compressing? A Thigh Master doesn't compress itself.
Evo said:
Bread clips.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_clip

I hate those things. I like the twist ties better. Sometimes I get confused on which way to twist, but that's ok.
 
  • #13
sylas said:
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
Too Good!
 
  • #14
At least the blogger knows that these are mostly great analogies, not "worst." If the authors deliberately came up with these for comic effect, then they each had a stroke of genius when writing (in most cases; not all are winners). Some remind me of Dave Barry (#40) , or the writing in Leslie Neilson's (RIP) movies (#28). Some of these are A-list stand-up comedy material for Jake Johannsen (#48), Billy Connolly (#17--actually that IS his bit), and Eddie Izzard (#18). #5 sounds like it's from a Billy Collins Poem. In other words, this is quality stuff.

My favorite of not-yet-quoted:
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
 
Last edited:
  • #15
Chi Meson said:
At least the blogger knows that these are mostly great analogies, not "worst." If the authors deliberately came up with these for comic effect, then they each had a stroke of genius when writing (in most cases; not all are winners). Some remind me of Dave Barry (#40) , or the writing in Leslie Neilson's (RIP) movies (#28). Some of these are A-list stand-up comedy material for Jake Johannsen (#48), Billy Connolly (#17--actually that IS his bit), and Eddie Izzard (#18). #5 sounds like it's from a Billy Collins Poem. In other words, this is quality stuff.

I was going to make a very similar post. I could see several of those lines being said by Leslie Nielsen in a Naked Gun movie.
 
  • #16
Since we're picking favorites, I'll pick this one.
51.It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
.
Its the most unheard of thing I ever heard of.
 
  • #17
My favorites are #1 and #12:

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
 
  • #18
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Is a lot like:

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
which is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
 
  • #19
Janus said:
Is a lot like:


which is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
That's one (the construction, not the exact phrase) that I've stolen a few times as well. It's one of my favorite steals, along with (approximately) "disappearing in a puff of logic".
 

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