Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

I've been trying to get an octopus to take up residence in my email mailbox, but my ISP keeps complaining about the damp. In case I'm ever successful, do you know if octopus work well as spam filters?

I don't know, no, and two hours of googling has demonstrated to me the unpredictable nature of man's curiosity, for while the pressing spam/octopus quetion remains unexplored, yet we have sent men to the moon. There is nothing of interest on the moon. We can determine that by common tarot card reading. Why go there (it's a very long trip) to confirm what we know? What's wrong with ouija board confirmation? Do not anser those quetions: they are rhesterical. People do not behave rationaly. Some don't spell well. Others don't smell well. Spam is the devil. Our only hope is the octopus in the machine.

How many lives does a pus-o'-nine-legs have?

 

[Math Is Hard]

How many lives does a pus-o'-nine-legs have?

I believe an exact number cannot be determined (if I recall what I have read from historical English rhymes correctly). For example, this one:

Many lives has the pus-o'-nine,
Said that old scholar Thom-Aquine,
Baker, butcher, fishwife, bum,
Do not forget the pudding plum!

Not 9 nine lives like a cat has he,
But at least one more than a hundred and three!

On another subject, I was working on a mnemonic this morning to help pre-school children memorize the letters of the alphabet. I got this far:
Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis.

Can anyone help me go further with this?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis.

Can anyone help me go further with this?

Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene

Anyone?

 

[plover]

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis [MIH]
Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene [zooby]

Irreparably Junking Keratin Layers

Anyone else?

 

[icvotria]

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis [MIH]
Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene [zooby]

Irreparably Junking Keratin Layers

Anyone else?

Morbid Narcissism Offending Peers...

And for Q, R, S and T?

 

[Danger]

And for Q, R, S and T?

Quite rightly, so they...

Next...?

 

[plover]

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis – [MIH]
Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene, [zooby]
Irreparably Junking Keratin Layers, [plover]
Morbid Narcissism Offending Peers [icvotria]
Quite Rightly – So They [Danger]

Urged Vigorous Washing, Xenophobically Yelling: "Zits!"

or:

Annabelle's botox caused dermatitis – effectively flouting good hygiene, irreparably junking keratin layers, morbid narcissism offending peers quite rightly – so they urged vigorous washing, xenophobically yelling: "Zits!"

One might ask why they were yelling that, but we'll never know.

So now how do we convince children to walk around saying this to everybody?

 

[Math Is Hard]

So now how do we convince children to walk around saying this to everybody?

I suppose we should set it to a catchy tune like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" --or maybe "Baa Baa Black Sheep Have You Any Wool" would be better. It's bound to be a hit!

I think we should put this song on an edu-tainment CD ROM along with an animated version of "Gary Ganoush and His Magical Laser Pointer". I also have an interactive learning game to include called "MATH! Make Up Your Own Rules!"
Any other educational ideas I should include for the kiddies?

 

[Danger]

Any other educational ideas I should include for the kiddies?

Stink bombs for fun and profit.

What's the minimum age to buy plutonium?

 

[Huckleberry]

Somewhere near a half-life crisis.

If ten men can dig ten holes in 6 minutes, then how many holes can 4 men dig before I get out the frontdoor with my shotgun and give em what for, for digging in my lawn?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If ten men can dig ten holes in 6 minutes, then how many holes can 4 men dig before I get out the frontdoor with my shotgun and give em what for, for digging in my lawn?

I'm thinking if you shot a golfball at them a hole-in-one might result.

Why isn't golf played by shooting the balls from shotguns?

 

[Danger]

Why isn't golf played by shooting the balls from shotguns?

They are, but only during gopher-hunting season.

If pie are squared, what shape is a cake supposed to be?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If pie are squared, what shape is a cake supposed to be?

Cake are supposed to be eaten-in-two (chewed through the center) after shooting a hole-in-one with a golf ball. I wouldn't call the result a "shape" exactly.

Did you know that cake are actually a liquid, and that if you make a stained glass window from pieces of cake, the panes will be sweeter at the bottom than the tops after a few centuries?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Sweeter panes? Panes r never sweet - at least not any that I have known.

I have many panes from my wisdom teeth and will soon have all four of them pulled out. How much more stupider will I be when I lose all four of my wisdom teeth?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sweeter panes? Panes r never sweet - at least not any that I have known.

I have many panes from my wisdom teeth and will soon have all four of them pulled out. How much more stupider will I be when I lose all four of my wisdom teeth?

One test of wisdom is in knowing when to let go of your teeth.

If the last set are the wisdom teeth, what is the next set of teeth called?

 

[Danger]

If the last set are the wisdom teeth, what is the next set of teeth called?

The ex's lawyer.

Is she called an 'x' because you're wondering 'y' you married her?

 

[Dr.Brain]

I married her because I have lost all my wisdom teeth and I assume someday i can steal hers...


How does your height of stupidity measured if you posted 500 replies in this threaD?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How does your height of stupidity measured if you posted 500 replies in this threaD?

Excellent quetion. First let me point out that stupidity is a one-dimensional entity having only a z-component: no one has ever discovered a length, width, or time of stupidity, only a height of stupidity. And so, if we want to analyze this with any scientific rigor, and we do, we must first 1. determine the best arbitrary unit of height for our purposes, and then, 2. determine if one stupid anser, or stupid quetion, automatically equals one unit of the height of stupidity, or if, perhaps, there are more subtle considerations. This could be the most important hammering out of a new physics since Copenhagen.

Any thoughts?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Copenhagen leaves many physicists with a bad taste in their mouth. But if we are to chew on Copenhagen, then we have to consider Huberts Equivocation Principle; which states that the knowledge of the height of stupidity is limited by our knowledge of the eigenvalue of the complement of the afore mentioned to be discussed later. So we also need the unit leap of faith.

 

[zoobyshoe]

What, no quetion?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

It was implicit: What is the unit leap of faith?

 

[plover]

What is the unit leap of faith?

No useful data has been collected yet that would provide a suitable standard, as when researchers whose models underestimate this quantity make their leap, they generally end up falling into abysses of relativism, never to be seen again, while when those whose models overestimate the quantity leap, they often end up as Scientologists or Kansas school board members or some such, and thus are also never seen again.

What would happen if the Kansas school board were asked to study the problem?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What would happen if the Kansas school board were asked to study the problem?

We, in this thread, will never know: once here, you're not in Kansas anymore.

On a recent outing to visit Former US President William Jefferson Clinton's WWII PT boat, I happened to encounter a three-quarter-sized Stradivarius cello in some trash in an ally and stopped to scratch out a patriotic tune for the occasion. A passerby stopped and began to sing. A cat, overhead on a fire escape, began playing bongos. From an open window across the ally, I heard the jazzy wail of a tenor saxophone. Three street waifs appeared from around the corner and began tap dancing. Several paratroopers dressed as J. Edgar Hoover in drag floated down from the sky, landed, and began swing dancing.

What do you suppose happened next?

 

[Danger]

We, in this thread, will never know: once here, you're not in Kansas anymore. What do you suppose happened next?

You awoke in the detox clinic.

What is the largest officially recorded breast size (for women)?

 

[Dr.Brain]

Ok that's easy...A women was known whose breast size followed "pulsating theory", It showed SHM motion,At max amplitude it was BIG and at zero amplitude the lady becomes a man...and at negative amplitude, the back of the women had breasts!...so the source of the problem has not yet been known but the equation for this SHM breast size is given by:

y=Asinwt


WHat is common between Jackie Chan and Albert Einstein?

 

[Danger]

WHat is common between Jackie Chan and Albert Einstein?

Joan Collins (but Jackie will never admit to it).

Why is 3?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Why is 3?

Because two can be as bad as one. It's the loneliest number since the number one.

So was that other song, "help me Rhonda, help me get her out of my heart", or "help me eat her out in my car"? I could never quite tell for sure.

 

[zoobyshoe]

So was that other song, "help me Rhonda, help me get her out of my heart", or "help me eat her out in my car"? I could never quite tell for sure.

Sandra Benderover's 1969 classic book, Occult Erotic Allusions In Popular and Folk Music of the 19th and 20th Centuries lists your second choice as a common. but erroneous, mishearing of the actual lyrics: "Help me geeter out o' my art." To "geeter out o' one's art" was a short lived slang term for an equally short lived sexual fad that consisted of performing sex in front of any available alligator (geeter) while also drawing, painting, or rendering in charcoal ("my art"), a sexual practise rumored, in the traditional myth, to have been started by LSD crazed artist, R. Crumb. The naive Beach Boys commandeered the phrase for their song, while, at the same time, having no idea what it meant, in the hope of sounding "hip" and "in the know," in the same way they threw surfing terms into their lyrics without ever having surfed themselves. One of the Wilson boys later confessed, "I just thought `geeter out o' my art' meant,`whack off' or `tickle the pickle' or something. I didn't know it was perverted." Another one of the band said "Rhonda, yeah. That was the song where we learned not just to repeat anything we heard. We were just kids back then."


Speaking of song lyrics, is it "There's a bad moon on the rise," "There's a bathroom on the right." or...what?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

There's a bad moon on the rise, and a bathroom on the right, can be complementary statements - from the verb, moon; or as a noun as in, "a full moon".

Is ellemmenno a letter? And what is ellemmenno pee?

 

[Math Is Hard]

An ellemmenno is simply a cross between an elephant and a minnow. What's unique about ellemmennos is that as a defense mechanism they are able to turn backwards and eject urine at their enemies.

In the Victorian era, when animal oddities and sideshows were in vogue, there was an animal trainer who taught his ellemenno to demonstrate the defensive spraying behavior in response to a verbal command. Many people paid good money to see this ellemmenno pee on cue.

I always thought the song said "Vitus Gerulaitis, don't hit 'em too far away." and not "Big ol' jet airliner, don't carry me too far away." But apparently I'm not the only one who got this mixed up: http://www.amiright.com/misheard/song/jetairliner.shtml
Was Steve Miller deliberately trying to be confusing?