Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[caffeinstein]

Why is thorazine always the implicit third choice in these cases?

When the patient decides they don't want no stinking 'super salad' it is obvious thorazine's the only obvious alternative.


How did Fermat's Last Tango give rise to Nine Inch Nails album, "The Downward Spiral?"

 

[caffeinstein]

Give it up, coffeinstein, I know who you are.

zubbyshoe,

You may now tell the audience who I am and what "it" is! I can't wait to find out myself!

caffeinstein.


How did Fermat's Last Tango give rise to the Nine Inch Nails album, "The Downward Spiral?"

 

[Mental Gridlock]

Trent Reznor, a highly cultured individual, was watching musicals like he always does, and he went to this one. He saw this 300 pound opera singer there who was one of the leads in the play. He thought, "I want to #$%@&! her like an animal!" Then he thought he needed an album name so he could release this song. Just then, as the bulky singer was making an entrance, she tripped on her high heels and went tumbling down the spiral staircase and landed flat on her face onstage. "Eureeka!" Trent shouted. All this of course after he invented his time machine to go into the future to watch the premiere of the play six years after the "Downward Spiral" was released.

Unfortunatly, Trent was missing something from his time machine, a crucial piece which due to its absence caused a rip in the fabric of space-time. What did he forget and why?

 

[The Bob]

Unfortunatly, Trent was missing something from his time machine, a crucial piece which due to its absence caused a rip in the fabric of space-time. What did he forget and why?

He forgot his common sense. That is all. He should have realized that the blue wire is connected to the brown wire so that the power would work.

Why time machines?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[The Bob]

Why time machines?

You Shall NOT die.

Talking to myself?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Math Is Hard]

You Shall NOT die.

Talking to myself?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Yes you are.

Who is Caffeinstein?

 

[caffeinstein]

Yes you are.

Who is Caffeinstein?

I am Caffeinstein.

Is it just coincidence that both robins wear green tights?

 

[The Bob]

Is it just coincidence that both robins wear green tights?

Robins? Robin Hood and... ?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Robin Hood and... ?

It must almost certainly be Mr. Robin Parsons, although he is now just a faded green-tights memory to most.

Recently, I acquired a used old laptop made sometime in the early 1960s by the Macrohard corporation. It was equiped with Bathroomwindows '78, and that was apparently the most recent version of that popular and ubiquitous software it could possibly handle because whenever I turned it on a message appeared which said:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

That just seemed wimpy, so I smacked it a few times and cried "Buck up!" because that always works in old Samurai movies when someone is chickening out. However the screen simply went blank and the unit emitted something between a balloon deflation noise and a mouthwash gargle.

I called Macrohard Tech support. The guy was very nice, and explained that I had to tap the thing firmly with a sledge hammer until it came apart into at least five pieces, carefully set it in the nearest dumpster, and then purchase a 2005 model.

In the dumpster I found a hampster chewing on this very month's issue of Laptop Lover's Journal so I took it away from the furry homeless fellow and paged through it hoping to be inspired about which new unit to purchase but it turned out to be a very strange kind of porn, so I threw it back.

How was your day?

 

[caffeinstein]

How was your day?

Fine, thanks for asking!

Who wears a black mask, yellow cape, red shirt, Green Gloves, Green Boots, and Tight Green Short-Shorts?

Star-Spangled Comics #65

 

[Math Is Hard]

That was me. I really don't want to talk about it. There's a lawsuit pending.

In the year 500 BC, the scholar, Nugelotuvus buried a scroll in the sand for his students to find. For the one who was lucky enough to find this, the inscription read: "There are 27 things you do not know. Dig deeper and you will find them." If the student dug far enough into the earth, he would find another scroll reading: "There are 26 things you do not know. Dig deeper and you will find them." What the student learned with each arduous digging was only that the next scroll was still further down.
Was any student diligent enough to find the first scroll?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Was any student diligent enough to find the first scroll?

Absolutely! In fact, they all were, and their team work was rewarded by finding that the first scroll read:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

It occurred to me today that what the US military is lacking is a plane large enough to fly an entire army of 200,000 men and all necessary equipment to any point on earth. I figure it should be about two miles long, and have a three mile wingspan. It would be named The Atlas after the mythological character who was big and strong enough to hold up the earth.

Suddenly, though, I noticed a spot of dirt on the corner of the napkin I was sketching on, and I became nauseated.

Retiring to a locked interior room, I carpeted the floor with newpaper, peeled off my germ infested clothing, and lived on milk for several months, as I laboriously worked out the proper, step by step, proceedure for opening a bottle of milk. This wasn't easy.

I was nearly done, when a voice from the other side of the door interrupted my 4th, bottle-opening dress rehearsal, saying:

"Oh, Zooby, I never knew you were such a good dancer!"

That alarmed me, since I wasn't properly dressed, and, grabbing a box of tissues and my Leonardo DiCaprio mask, I flug the door open to find some person unknown seated there in an Alec Baldwin mask smoking a pipe.

"Who, the hell are you, and what does that mean?" I demanded.

"That's what I'm here to ask you!" the person retorted, handing me a scroll upon which were written the words:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

"Do you want to explain what that means, please, Mr. Shoe?"

"Oh, I get it," I snarled, "I bet if I pull that Alec Baldwin mask off your face I'm going to find something not quite purple enough for most people's taste. Smething downright lavender. No?"

 

[Rabid]

No.

Who did what? When? Why and where?

 

[The Bob]

Who did what? When? Why and where?

To do with what?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Moonbear]

"That's what I'm here to ask you!" the person retorted, handing me a scroll upon which were written the words:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

"Do you want to explain what that means, please, Mr. Shoe?"

"Oh, I get it," I snarled, "I bet if I pull that Alec Baldwin mask off your face I'm going to find something not quite purple enough for most people's taste. Smething downright lavender. No?"

No. Well, yes, but not really. You see, I've been working undercover to infiltrate The Lavenders for some time now. I've had to cut all contacts with the purple jellyfish in order to avoid suspicion. One wrong move, and I'd be smeared on toast. But I finally got the code to their secret lair, and have risked exposure to bring it back to the Order of Welch. I can't talk long, or risk being uncovered; the only thing preventing that now is that the jar lid is on too tight for anyone to open.

So, really, you'll have to explain what the code means. I was able to copy it and get it to you, but don't have the tools to decipher it. All I know is that the Wewewe Port is significant. You'll have to head there and talk to the fishermen to get more information on that.

Okay, have to go. As I gain more intel. I'll try to make contact again.

Why did they have to be Lavender? Why not pink, or magenta?

 

[Astronuc]

Why did they have to be Lavender? Why not pink, or magenta?

It was a compromise!

Did the original quetion get answered??

 

[lwymarie]

Let me ask you the least stupid question:
Hi. How are you?

>_^

 

[Rabid]

Let me ask you the least stupid question:
Hi. How are you?

>_^

Because you think.


What was the original question?

 

[Moonbear]

What was the original question?

The original question was, "Hey Adam, do you like my apples?" Soon after, the apples were all made into apple butter and the rudiments of the theory of jellitivity began to take shape, or at least it's speculated to be so. The first written documents on the Theory of Jellitivity allude to this origin, but scholars studying them can't determine it conclusively yet as it's quite difficult to track the oral histories of the subject.

How did jellitivity develop from it's rudimentary apple-butter origins to the mature theory involving purple jellyfish?

 

[The Bob]

How did jellitivity develop from it's rudimentary apple-butter origins to the mature theory involving purple jellyfish?

The apple was hard to remove. Slow distillation and filtration until it is removed. Then the butter is chernd (?) more so that it is more jellified. This takes millions of years and then you have jelly fish.

It is a slow process but why?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[brewnog]

Along with the production of Lagavulin Scotch whisky (25 years), waiting for a Mc Tasty at Mc Donalds (35 years), and the fossilisation of a small bee (45 years), the apple removal process in the production of jellivity is by its very nature, very complex and time consuming.

As highlighted by The Bob, the chemical processes do take a rather long time to complete. But then, jellivity development licences must be applied for, and the statutory waiting period of 6 years must be completed before the designs can even be submitted to the relevant governing bodies. These may then take a further 6.5 million years to approve, partly because the clerks at the governing bodies like nothing better than to sit down and enjoy a nice cup of tea, when ideally they would be processing claims.

Why do they drink tea, and not coffee?

 

[JamesU]

I can't believe I wandered into this thread. what's jellitivity?

 

[Moonbear]

Why do they drink tea, and not coffee?

They actually prefer peas, but in 1852 they went to a local diner, and when their mouth was full of apple butter on toast, the waitress misunderstood and brought tea. They tried ordering coffee, but since the apple butter was so good, they still had their mouth full and were brought cough drops. Indeed, one of the most important equations forming the theory of jellitivity was named that day and in similar fashion. What was the equation?

P.S. Yomamma, this thread is a game and has rules; read the opening post.

 

[Astronuc]

They actually prefer peas, but in 1852 they went to a local diner, and when their mouth was full of apple butter on toast, the waitress misunderstood and brought tea. They tried ordering coffee, but since the apple butter was so good, they still had their mouth full and were brought cough drops. Indeed, one of the most important equations forming the theory of jellitivity was named that day and in similar fashion. What was the equation?

J = e * L² + i v_it^y

Now I just need one for "relative jellitivity".

btw - butter is "churned"

So what is the distinction between special jellitivity and general jellitivity as it concerns purple jellyfish?

 

[Moonbear]

So what is the distinction between special jellitivity and general jellitivity as it concerns purple jellyfish?

The special ones take the short bus to school, though that depends on your frame of reference.

What frame is that?

 

[JamesU]

whichever frame of reference you chose.


so can jellitivity (SJ, and GJ) be combined into the unified theory of hyperjellitivity?

 

[Gokul43201]

Indeed, one of the most important equations forming the theory of jellitivity was named that day and in similar fashion. What was the equation?

Yes, I remember that day clearly. It was a bleak, wintry day late in the year, when I'd gathered around with some of my clerky buddies for some hot coffee. This was in the town of Strzelno in what was then Prussia and later became Poland. We'd gathered round the fire at a little run-down coffee house called Kaszub where the temperature inside was below freezing any place more than six inches from the sorry, little fireplace. Everyone had a stuffy nose that day. Everyone had a stuffy nose on any winter day in Strzelno.

I clearly remember the day, 'cause that was the day ol' Abraham (one of my other buddies - a Jewish merchant, and the quiet sort) couldn't join us - his wife had just delivered a baby boy whom they named Albert. Shortly after, Abe and his wife took little Albert Michelson to California, and I never heard from them since...but I digress - this has nothing to do with ol' Abe or little Al.

That was the day this dispatcher stopped by the Kaszub...claiming to be traveling from India to London, carrying a manuscript written by some scientist. What did he say the name of the person was...Jollies Marvin (or was it Garvin ... or Tarwin ??)... anyway, it was something like that. Don't ask my why this special messenger was traveling through Prussia on his way back from the Orient, if you don't want to hear a story about pirates, bandits, belle dancers and why Arabic should not be written right-to-left. Long story short (well, shortish perhaps), finding himself in a dull patch one day (this was just after the race-the-shark-to-shore incident) he decided to read the mammoth text. This book, he said - it talked of wondrous things: of beings forming out of a primordial jelly, of...of...well actually, that was the only part he could remember.

But anyway, the upshot of all this was that he lost the title page of the script (to a sandstorm) and wanted help making up a title to this new theory of the jellythings. I think it was old Jozef that came up the name "The First Theory of Jellitivity". That sounded good, but a little plain perhaps. So I suggested that the "First" be replaced with something more exciting, more exotic, more appealing. "Special", I said. "Call it the Special Theory of Jellitivity."

Much later, we heard (don't ask me how, if you don't want to hear a story about war, and strife, and secret codes, and a strange little snowstorm one midsummer night) that the manuscript was rejected by the publishers...apparently because the title made no sense to them. But as a result of some shoddy communication, the poor scientist had to rewrite the whole thing from scratch. Took him another seven years, they said. And it was called The Porridge in your Speeches or something close to that.

And come to think of it...we did hear from ol' Abraham one bitterly cold spring afternoon in '87. I don't think I'll forget that time either...it was quite the strangest coincidence really. There was this little parcel waiting for us at the Kaszub. It had been mailed from America. It had a copy of a paper published by little Al in some fancy American journal. I can't really remember what it was talking about, but I'm almost certain it was called "The Jellitive Motion of the Luminiferous Heathens".

Now where did all this start ? Yes, Moonbear was asking about some equation. I'm sorry Moonie - I really can't help you with that. I know nothing of any equations.

Edit : Astro and Moonie posted before I got through with this ...

What frame is that?

Honestly dear, the only frame I know about is the rosewood beauty that holds a pretty picture of little Al' with someone called Joolicees Plant (or something close to that...my memory is not what it used to be, I'm afraid.)

Darn ! One more pesky intruder ...

so can jellitivity (SJ, and GJ) be combined into the unified theory of hyperjellitivity?

Hah, sure ... just as soon as they figure out how to pull horse-carts without horses !

Now, when will I learn to hit the refresh button before I post crazy long ansers in this thread ?

 

[Moonbear]

Now, when will I learn to hit the refresh button before I post crazy long ansers in this thread ?

Moonbear's Lab Notebook July 4, 2005 entry:
Experiment #M392 - Learning behavior in grad students: the refresh button
Subject demonstrates awareness of refresh button. S posts crazy long anser without using refresh button. Progress is slower than anticipated.

Oh, sorry, I was just jotting something in my notebook here. Nothing important. Current calculations predict sometime between a half hour ago and never.

How many hamsters are required to relay to the server that you've pressed the refresh button?

 

[JamesU]

approx. 17. 18 if he's mad...

Moonbear, how many years is your mac out of date?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Moonbear, how many years is your mac out of date?

Dangling by a string off a scaffolding erected around the Great Sphinx of Egypt is a corked bottle with half the label torn off. Inside the bottle is the torn piece of label. On that piece of paper is written the anser to your quetion. Yousouf, the scaffold man, received that anser in a dream he had last night about 3:45 AM Cairo time. He arose in a state of agitation, commanded his wife to heat the coffee water, and sat down to write his dream down before it slipped from his memory. Finding a stump of a pencil, he nevertheless was thwarted in his attempt to locate any paper, so he tore the label off an old bottle and scrawled his nocturnal revelation onto that. He popped the scrap into the bottle, corked it, and has had it with him all day, as he goes about his work on the scaffold. Someday, he has faith, he will learn the quetion to the anser.


Recently I saw the most horrifying horror film: Night Of The Living Thread. It was the story of a dead thread that was brought back to life throught the desparate voodoo incantations of a demented poster. Unfortunately it had been zombified, and it staggered, unseeing and groping it's way forward, bumping into trees and fences and tripping over parking lot speed bumps, and getting clipped by passing cars, and eventually ended up crawling on all fours. After about a half hour of this, an Egyptian scaffold worker comes running along, runs smack into the zombie thread, falls over it and accidently breaks the corked bottle he is clutching to his chest. About then, I went out for popcorn and ran into my old partner in crime Shooby Zoo. I was astonished to see him there, and we got to reminiscing, and I missed the end of the movie. Anyone know what happened next?