Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

Have you ever had that dissapointed feeling when you ate something purple and it didn't taste grape like you were expecting it to?

Yes, that happened to me the other day when I ate a purple cigarette lighter.


This Fall weather has made me very sluggish and sleepy. I'm too tired to post a quetion. Would you do it for me?

 

[hypatia]

yes, I will

Its been over 80 here for weeks still, why are you having fall weather?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Its been over 80 here for weeks still, why are you having fall weather?

It's always on sale this time of year.

Recently when I went to empty out my pencil sharpener, I found that there were only a few stupid, little shavings in it. What's a guy got to do to get a snack around here?

 

[hypatia]

Quit trying to sharpen your pens! I find #2 pencels{all except Hello Kitty ones} work the best. I dunno, maybe its just the tanginess of the yellow paint I prefer.
I decided to buy some "Fall", when should I expect it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

I decided to buy some "Fall", when should I expect it?

This will depend on how well you "Erin Brokoviched" the delivery guy: was your blouse unbuttoned enough? Each button more should push delivery forward at least two weeks.

Recently, in the dead of night, a squat red hatchback pulled into the large empty parking lot of a mall and parked in the middle. 15 minutes passed. Then a newer SUV pulled in, and parked right next to the hatchback. The driver of the SUV, a hispanic male about 5'10" with a shaved head, went to the front of his vehicle, bent down, and seemed to be retrieving something from beneath the front bumper. Then he went to the drivers side window of the red hatchback. A five minute conversation took place, and they both drove away.

"What," wondered a donut munching zoobie watching from the 24 hour donut shop at the edge of the mall, "was that all about?"

 

[Math Is Hard]

"What," wondered a donut munching zoobie watching from the 24 hour donut shop at the edge of the mall, "was that all about?"

Sounds like possum smuggling. If you had gotten a better look in the SUV you would have seen a cat with a solid gold front tooth, I bet, I bet. We should ask Evo if Foofer's been missing again.

Why do donut shops need to stay open 24 hours? Are there many 4 AM donut emergencies?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Why do donut shops need to stay open 24 hours? Are there many 4 AM donut emergencies?

Most of the emergencies occur between the Hours of 3 A.M. and 5.30 A.M. as that is the time when the Squirrels come out to Gonuts.. .. ..Seems that they still can't read.

Why is it that after having $pent all of that Tax Payer$ money on $chooling, $quirrels $till can't read?

 

[hypatia]

Oh they can read, they just don't like to. But one snuck into the library once, they found it in the non-fiction, which startled me, I would of guessed them more of a fiction reader.

hmm donuts, why is there no home doughnut delivery service?..

right now I want one, but I'm waiting for fall to arrive.

 

[zoobyshoe]

hmm donuts, why is there no home doughnut delivery service?..

There is, but they do not deliver to any area where a shipment of Fall is expected. This is for safety reasons. Once a Fall delivery truck collided with a donut delivery truck and the result was that red, orange, and yellow donuts began drifting down from deciduous trees in the slightest breeze.

Although there are 24 hour donut shops, we do not find it necessary to have 24 hour zucchini shops. This, Sociology teaches us, is because the average zucchini fiend is an ennervatd person who will suffer through their nocturnal cravings in a state of quiet desparation, rather than risk revealing their problem to friends and family. Some of them will crawl out of bed and batter and deep fry any vegetable on hand: tomatos, cabbage, carrots, bell peppers, whatever, to stave off their hunger for fried zucchini, rather than go on a pre-dawn looting spree.

That's nice of those zucchini fiends, ennit?

 

[hypatia]

yes, its very nice of them! Zucchini friends are some of the best friends you can have. Ever notice how willing they are to share there zucchini with you? Yet still respect you, when you grow only yellow squash.

I've been having weird dreams, is it something I am eating that causes them?

 

[zoobyshoe]

I've been having weird dreams, is it something I am eating that causes them?

Prolly not. In 2003, the primary cause of weird dreams was determined to be the presence of talking electronic Halloween displays stored in garages and sheds.


Recently, in the course of a weird dream, the meaning of green LED's was revealed to me by sign language being performed by a 4 armed ascendent master once removed of the Free Church For The Advancement Of Advanced Free Churches. He said, among other things, that green LED's are meaningful, in the sense of having signifigance and signification, as well as denotation. Suspecting, though, he was just aimlessly improvising out of a thesaurus, I tied two of his hands behind his back and challenged him to explain it all with the two remaining hands. As I suspected, he needed all four hands to be quicker than my eye, and his explanation turned out to be a recipe for green eggs and ham. He knew nothing about green LED's.

Was he really some kind of large insect?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Was he really some kind of large insect?

DAD! you met my DAD! fantabulous! but please, if you eat him, you must do that you know what thing with him, first, then eat his head, first immediately thereafter otherwise he instantaneouly morphs into sixty-seven times his present size, and He will eat you.

Why is it that my Dad, the Pa-Pa of Lapin Dormant, is a BUG?

 

[hypatia]

He was part of the firefly/rabbit gene mix, are you a green glowing bunny?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

He was part of the firefly/rabbit gene mix, are you a green glowing bunny?

Nah just the run of the mill Preening Growing Rabbit.

How far can a Rabbit grow if they aren't fed the right diet of?


LD
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..←{Know what those are?}[/color]

 

[zoobyshoe]

How far can a Rabbit grow if they aren't fed the right diet of?

Rabbits mostly seem to desire green, leafy vegetation. You trouble is you don't eat it, you smoke it.


One Halloween when I was crawling on all fours toward the mother of all hangovers, I had this misfortune of encountering Bobbit, The Shark Footed Ghoul, a kind of Halloween monster who created himself out of parts of Grimm's Fairy Tales, and some random passeges from the Bible. Bobbit hobbled along on two feet shaped like sharks, and used to hang out at the perifery of cemetaries waiting for a chance to dig up a corpse to take home and be his best pal. He was planning on telling his life story to one of these good listeners some day.

Given my horizontal attitude, Bobbit thought I was just such a corpse, and proceeded to try and sling me over his shoulder to take me home. Being fresh out of ghoul repellent, I was in a certain amount of trouble.
How did I get out of it?

 

[hypatia]

OMG you up-chucked on the Bobbit! Its a great natural defense, I know I would drop you in a heartbeat.
Fall arrived today, yet caught me oddly unprepared. I am freezing! Can I send it back for a few weeks?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Fall arrived today, yet caught me oddly unprepared. I am freezing! Can I send it back for a few weeks?

I don't see why not. You're only tinkering with a delicate world-wide weather system. What's the big deal?

Once, on Halloween, when I was crawling on all fours toward a Dunkin' Donuts with several Maine lobsters dressed as the B-52's attached to my trouser legs by their claws, I wondered if I should have been a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas, but no one would really have recognised a T.S. Eliot costume, so I was content to be whatever it was this getup amounted to, when all of a sudden Bobbit, The Shark Footed Ghoul stepped from behind a tree and blocked my path, like some ghoulish, shark-footed path-blocker, and asked: "Is them lobstas dead?" "No," I replied, tremulously, "they just haven't made a new album in a while." "OK, then," he replied, and hobbled on his shark feet off into the dark night. And as he receeded from my view I wondered aloud: "What's that on your head?"

 

[hypatia]

Some chick at the party baited the punch bowl with chum, hopeing to get "lucky". Thats why he is sometimes known as Bobbit the Chum Head.

So I'm think'en, instead of sending fall back, I will just steal the Aussies springtime! If we call them the Land down under, why don't they call us the Land up over?

 

[matthyaouw]

They lack the egocentricity of nations in the northern hemisphere and realize that up and down are all relative in this contex. Either that or they like to downplay the 'down under' thing as it makes them feel inferior.

The fair is in town this week, and I'm going tonight. What should I take to throw off the high rides at people? Bare in mind I want to cause the maximum mayhem with the least chance of being thrown out or arrested.

 

[Lapin Dormant]

The fair is in town this week, and I'm going tonight. What should I take to throw off the high rides at people? Bare in mind I want to cause the maximum mayhem with the least chance of being thrown out or arrested.

Buckets and Buckets of POPCorn, POPped or un-POPped, you'll have a POPingly good time throwing it all over the place, and if in need of an excuse you could tell them that you are from "Down Under" and thought that it was a way to take something you wanted to send back home, and get it there, CHEAP, so you knew to throw it from the Highest point!

Since Fall has Sprung, cheaply too, is it seasonally to late to wear on sale whites under your winter clothing?

 

[EnumaElish]

Since Fall has Sprung, cheaply too, is it seasonally to late to wear on sale whites under your winter clothing?

No more inappropriate than a pair of white, retro high-heel boots under a shiny pink suit. It's..., it's..., Ballroom blitz! The British will understand. And we understand them. Actually, that's a lie. (White, though.) It's for the sake of our special transatlantic relationship, Andy and Mike. Alright, fellas.

Is it okay to have felt like coming up with a stupid question but not being able to in a satisfying manner?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Say Cheeeeeeeeseeeeeeeee

Is it okay to have felt like coming up with a stupid question but not being able to in a satisfying manner?

Just see my last effort at Buffalo'ing a Bluff, Laaaaaaaaaaaamo!

If a Buffalo goes over a Bluff, is it a 'Bluffed Buffalo' or a 'Buffaloed' Bluff?


LD
.. .. .. hops in .. .. (A Bluff-Hello?) .. .. .. .. Hops out .. .. .. [/color]

 

[zoobyshoe]

Is it okay to have felt like coming up with a stupid question but not being able to in a satisfying manner?

After several days of therapy, hypnosis, drugs, and reading Zen In The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenence I can finally begin to forget you ever asked that quetion.

Recently when I was perusing D.Y. Spulquist's great masterpiece on the subject Psychotic and Personality Disorders Among Tiny Little Black Ants I came across the following:

"...and they will circle erratically, eccentrically, as though intoxicated, or dizzy, shouting all the while: `My Bible has a golden thread bookmark! My Bible has a golden thread bookmark!'..."

which was interesting because I'd seen a crazy woman in a bumper sticker covered van driving around the block shouting the same thing just last week. The third time she passed me she threw a half eaten donut out her window and shrieked: "It's spelled: `Doughnuts,' idiot!" as an adjunct to her bookmark crusade, I suppose. She sideswiped several trees as she swerved back and forth up onto the sidewalk and into the street again, and by her fifth time around a police helicopter showed up and began tailing her.

None of the myriad tiny black ants who now swarmed the donut she'd tossed onto the street in their path cared about any of that as they hungrily attacked the sweet confection, unaware of the terrible toxins in it or of the fact that in several minutes they would all be circling eccentrically, as though dizzy, shouting "My Bible has a gold thread bookmark!"

Who do you suppose poisoned the `doughnuts'?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Ant-i-rant

Who do you suppose poisoned the `doughnuts'?

Obviously it was the great and renonwed D.Y. Spulquist himself, who had injected them thusly as to try to re-create his heyday of experimental successes and the Adoration of the loving crowds of Ant-o-philes that had followed him everywhere asking him to sign autographs and pursue theoretical notions that they had arrived at after having re-read his tumulteous work, Black ants of the Streets of New York on the prowl
in the Cities underbelly of Sewer Systems side walks

Speaking of which, anyone know where one can purchase that good Tome Self Immolation for Dummies?

(my last copy burned itself up, and I need to replace it.)

 

[zoobyshoe]

You ask it, because you can!
OMG I now have Adam Ant songs pounding in my head! {don't drink, don't smoke, whatdoyado?} How can I make it stop?

You must read D.Y. Spulquist's masterpiece on the subject: On the Eradication Of Tenacious Mental Replay Of Ant-Related Songs, Opera Arias, And Folk Melodies, By The Use Of Chain Letter Spells And Magic. What you will have to do is start a chain letter in which each person must either send a dollar to you, or a picture of a primitive looking skull. Each person must be harshly warned NOT TO BREAK THE CHAIN or they will suffer terribly bad luck. (Which is what's going to happen to cefarix, anyway, for not figuring out the format of this thread.)

In the meantime, I would like to reccomend D.Y. Spluquist's pivotal study of the matter: Ideas From Topology and Game Theory Fused To Explain The Dissapearance Of The Neander-Ant in which Spulquist tries to figure out what happened to a pet tiny black ant he once had whom he named "Neander-Ant" because of its more robust, albeit smaller, endo-skeleton.

Apparently "Neander-Ant" disappeared from his personal ant farm one day, and Spulquist was never able to recover any remains despite having carefully brushed and troweled away each successive layer of the sand in the farm until he reached bottom.

What do you suppose ever happened to "Neander-Ant"?

 

[hypatia]

He should of known Neander-Ant could run very fast, and at the very least, should of covered his house in copious amouts of 2 sided sticky tape. My own personal thoughts...he ran off to find the highly desirable Red Fire Aunties. They have cross bred and spend there evenings singing WE ARE FAM-UH-LEE, while tending the Red Neander eggs.

Don't open that box! Whats in the box?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Don't open that box! Whats in the box?

A song, once sung, the whole world will start singing it, such that, nothing else will get done, and we will all starve to death, thereafter.

What is the title of 'that song' un-sung?

 

[hypatia]

I can't tell you, its my ..Doomsday song in a box world domination plot! I half to wait until I get a sign from a higher power.
I wonder what the sign will be?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Look! up in the sky, it's a sign

I wonder what the sign will be?

Available @ Walmart

When singing the song of Ultimate Galactic-Universal destruction, should we first ask for the Key?

 

[hypatia]

No need, the restrooms are always open to the public...Fresh, clean and friendly will be the motto for the new universe!
Now I wonder what we should use the old universe for?