I don't know what to say but I love mathematics and at the same time I don't excel at it with a history full of suffering and failurein mathematics. I do prepare for mathematics but I still find problem in understanding or precisely I slowly understand while I know few who excel remarkably in math and physics without spending half of the time I do in preparing and learning math, I don't want to compare myself to others but I just don't think learning something that I don't excel is going to beneficial, if I can't understand fast in a science that needs a mathematical intelligence, why bother learning math that I will not be able to discover anything at? I am talking about advanced mathematics not the necessary easy mathematics. I don't know if I am expecting too much out of myself because those who excel love mathematics since childhood while my interest is newly born. I am not going to study mathematics as a major but I'll study it on my own along with a major in engineering that doesn't require advanced mathematics. Whenever I see a problem and fail to solve it, I start questioning my ability in mathematics and whether this newly born interest is worth feeding or not because what is the point of learning something I do not excel at nor makes me feel happy despite the fact that I love it and admire it. Should I give up this imaginery dream or should I start studying Mathematics regardless of performance and without self evaulation ? any advice?

Thanks