Can Old Sayings Get a Modern Twist?

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The discussion revolves around the humorous modification of clichés and proverbs, encouraging participants to creatively twist familiar sayings. Various examples are shared, showcasing playful takes on phrases like "A bird in the hand..." and "You can't teach an old dog new tricks," often incorporating self-deprecating humor and absurdity. Participants engage in a light-hearted exchange, crafting new versions of sayings that reflect contemporary experiences or humorous observations, such as "Slept like a baby," reinterpreted to highlight the frustrations of restless sleep. The conversation also touches on the complexities of seemingly simple tasks, illustrated through exaggerated scenarios, like the difficulties of "shooting fish in a barrel." Overall, the thread emphasizes creativity, wit, and the joy of language play.
  • #31
Alien: Excuse me, could you help me fix my spaceship?
Earthling: piece of cake
Alien: no, spaceship, see the rockets underneath? Can you help me?
Earthling: easy as shooting fish in a barrel
Alien: You try that and the Salmonians of Tuna VI will declare war.
Earthling: You misunderstood me, fixing your spaceship will be as easy as pie.
Alien: 3.1415...it goes on forever you call that easy?
Earthling: Perhaps we just aren't seeing eye to eye.
Alien: Of course we are, what else would we see with our butts? You are starting to anger me.
Earthling: Don't get all bent out of shape.
Alien: Is that a threat you hairless biped?
Earthling: I didn't mean to rub you the wrong way.
Alien: There is no right way either. You touch me and I'll rip your damn arms off.
Earthling: This isn't working. We're just spinning our wheels here.
Alien: You making fun of my method of locomotion? Well I think legs are stupid.
Earthling: Look we must have gotten off on the wrong foot. let's just fix your spaceship.
Alien: YOU got off on the wrong foot. I don't have feet you little punk. But can you fix my ship?
Earthling: I may be grasping at straws here, but shouldn't this switch be flipped on?
Alien: Those are not straws that is the flux capacitor, maybe someone else could help me. Oh wait, that should be on. Thank you. I will leave now
Earthling: That sounds like a plan
Alien: No it sounds like a spaceship. I just hope it will get me home.
Earthling: We'll keep our fingers crossed.
Alien: That does it! first the feet comment, now this? Just because you have fingers doesn't mean you are superior. You need tentacles to fire one of these Carbonizor Mark Vs.
Earthling: I guess if you must kill me at least I'll go out in a blaze of glory.
Alien: First thing you've said correctly since I met you. <zzzzaaappp>
 
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  • #32
tribdog said:
Alien: Excuse me, could you help me fix my spaceship?
Earthling: piece of cake
Alien: no, spaceship, see the rockets underneath? Can you help me?...
This is great trib! :smile: :smile: :smile:
 
  • #33
"Blow in my ear..." and I'll stand up and turn sideways. :-p :biggrin:
 
  • #34
Artman said:
This is great trib! :smile: :smile: :smile:


Like my German Professor used to say: Now that we have that behind our belts... :biggrin:
 
  • #35
"Time waits for no man." But every man waits for their woman.


(Just kidding, really. My wife waits more for me than I do for her.)

(Artman ducks and runs out.)
 
  • #36
Toby, or not Toby, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler as a man to suffer
the stings and arrows of his outrageous fortune,
Or, to take harms against his spear of troubles,
and by opposing, deflate it?
 
  • #37
One of my favorite modifications of an old saying was in a birthday card I got years ago.

There was a caveman that wanted to move a huge rock, so he thought, he could use a lever and probably move the rock, or he could get his extremely strong friend Nate to move it for him. He finally decided to get Nate to move it.

The moral of the story was: "Better Nate than lever." :-p :biggrin:
 
  • #38
Smart caveman!
 
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  • #39
to bee or not to bee, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler
in a man to stuff it,
in the sinks and burrows of an outraged unfortunate
or, to show charms to a sea of couples
and by imposing, end them?
 
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  • #40
arildno said:
to bee or not to bee, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler
in a man to stuff it,
in the sinks and burrows of an outraged unfortunate
or, to show charms to a sea of couples
and by imposing, end them?
I like this one. Very sharp.
:wink: :biggrin:
 
  • #41
How about:

Tubby, or not tubby. that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the pangs of hunger or indulge whims, or to take arms against a sea of buffets, And by opposing get trim?
 
  • #42
To die, to sleep-
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural f*cks
That flesh is heir to.
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd..
 
  • #43
Artman said:
How about:

Tubby, or not tubby. that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the pangs of hunger or indulge whims, or to take arms against a sea of buffets, And by opposing get trim?
Verry good!
 
  • #44
don't walk around naked in a glass house.
 
  • #45
That depends on your size.
 
  • #46
"It's not the size of the boat, its the motion of the ocean."

It's not the size of the boat, It's how you dock it.
 
  • #47
Also, it is easier to dock in a well-trafficked harbour where lots of expertise awaits you.
 
  • #48
Artman said:
The moral of the story was: "Better Nate than lever." :-p :biggrin:

That reminds of the guy who had a clone who constantly used foul language. Eventually the man became so digusted with his clone, and his nasty mouth, that he threw him off the roof an killed him. He was later arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
 
  • #49
Artman said:
"Slept like a baby."

You know, tossing and turning all night, waking up every half hour crying, then get up hungry and cranky.
Or speaking of one's manhood -

Hung like a baby ---- 12 inches long and weighing 8 lb.
 
  • #50
3D or not 3D what's your impression?
Whether that boulder filled scene
seemed to spring off the screen
as an overhead shower.
How's your ears, the cardboard glasses
by wearing, did cut them?
 
  • #51
He has a mind like a blotter, he soaks it all in, but gets it all backwards.

Well, ok, I didn't modify it, it's good as is.
 
  • #52
Chi Meson said:
"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Actually, that one's already a bit weird.
Hmm...I always thought a dagger worked better for that.

"The pen is mightier than the sword..." well, at least those little plastic toothpicks shaped like a sword.
 
  • #53
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his breastbone, but his stomach offers the path of least resistance.
 
  • #54
A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
 
  • #55
"DARE to keep kids off drugs"... no really I dare you... come on just try it.
 
  • #56
Ivan Seeking said:
A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

A mime is a terrible thing!
 
  • #57
"It ain't over until the fat lady sings."

I have a recollection of an episode of the Simpsons, Marge took everyone to the opera. Bart asked when is it over and Homer responded with, "It ain't over until the fat lady sings." The next singer was a huge woman, to which Bart said, "Is that fat enough for ya?" Homer started laughing and Marge said, " I suppose," and they all left. (I think that's how it went.)

Found the correct passage:

Bart the Genius said:
Homer grows impatient, but Bart reminds him, ``It ain't over 'til the
fat lady sings.'' Homer asks, ``Is that one fat enough for you, son?''
Homer stands up. ``Let's go get a burger.''
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/7G02.html"
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #58
The quickest way to enflame a man's heart (whether straight or gay) is up his guts.
 
  • #59
There is no "I" in teamwork. Nor is there a "B", a "C", a "D"...
 
  • #60
"Save your pennies for a rainy day" so you can get a bloody big umbrella.
 

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