Dave's Tragic Life - Tell us what you know.

[Les Sleeth]

…. an extremely handsome, chiseled form of masculinity stepped from the shadows of the woods – even more handsome than Enoch. Was this a Greek god come back to usher Dave into his Greek fantasy?. . .
Yeah, that’s right. We set you up, Dave. The henchmen and lawyers of Matel are on your trail, now, and there’s no escape. Better start running, Dave.”

Dave couldn’t believe his ears. Here he’d expected the tin man as a traveling companion, and instead gets Ken. Wait! Wait a dang minute. This was Bizarro land, could it be . . .

Dave's scientific mind took over, figuring out what any other fool would've missed. This was Ken, and Ken was a man. Simple math. Ken + man = Kenman. Eureka, it was a Bizarro tinman equivalent. Now all Dave had to do was get Kenman to accept the obvious.

“MAN, that’s some cold sh*t Ken. Ken, is it possible MAN you might be in need of a heart?”

“I don’t need no stinkin’ heart lab boy.”

“But Ken, think about it MAN. Here we are together in the merry old land of Zoo, you are the first person I run into, and you are a heartless bastard. Don’t you see? You are destined to come with me to see the Gizzard and ask for a heart! And the Gizzard is going to help me get home to Vermont.”

“Well maybe. I have been in law school.”

“See there Ken MAN, proof of heartlessness if there ever was!”

“You must be right Dave. Let’s follow the powderpuff road to Zirconland where the Gizzard lives and ask him to help us. But there’s one thing I don’t understand Dave. Why don’t you just click your slippers together and say ‘there’s no place like home’ three times and go now?”

“Duuuuuuh, I already tried that KenMAN. Fluffy pink pussycat slippers don’t click. Kenman, just a suggestion . . . let’s wait for the scarecrow for the brains. Okay dude?”

Ken, a man, now fully accepting the obvious, began to think of himself as Kenman.

With a new companion for the journey, Dave, Kenman, and Otot returned gleefully singing to the powerpuff road, “Ohhhhhh, we’re off to see the Gizzard, the blundering Gizzard of Zoo, if ever there was a Gizzard . . .

Twilight was upon them and it wasn’t long before . . .

 

[tribdog]

they came upon a lion. A mad, lion. A mad, bad, full blown steroid rage suffering lion.
Dave smiled, he knew what to do. "You see, Ken, I've seen this movie so many times I know it by heart. This here lion needs to find some courage, he's a coward."
"Let me talk to him," said Ken. Ken approached the lion and held out a hand. "How do you do? My name is..."
"WAIT!" shouted Dave, "I forgot that everything here is backwards. Don't go near that homicidal cat!" Too late. Dave jumped into a nearby tree and called down to Ken. "Don't worry, he's not actually swallowing most of the pieces and I can see several large pieces of your torso. We'll be able to put you back together. Oh, oh geez. I'd always heard that could be done to an eye socket, but that's the first time I've ever seen it accomplished. Oh, oh no. Don't do it Mr. Lion. Ohhh that's just uncalled for. right down the neck."
Down on the ground the lion was obviously running out of steam and before too long he sat down, then toppled and was soon snoring loudly.
This is my chance, Dave jumped to the ground and reached into his pocket. YES! His bottle of Depo Provera (look it up) was still there and so was his syringe

 

[Chronos]

Thus spoke [stage left] enter the Strawman...

 

[Chronos]

There was an unmisteakable attraction between Strawman and Otot. Otot eyed him with unabashed desire. Strawman diverted his gaze to the barren floor. He had not the heart, courage or intellect to face her piercing, brown eyes. How now had he come to this cross-road of life? While he originated from Jersey, he was roundly unprepared to steak his life, to meat this rare challenge in the grind of his so-called life. His tenderloins quivered as he milked the courage to say, in a dry raspy voice, 'Greetings, milady'...

 

[tribdog]

This is a bit off the subject, but I made up a song a long time ago called the Dyslexic Old McDonald. OoomOoom is part of the song. Goes something like this:<clearing throat>
Old DacMonald had a marf.
O I E I E
and on that marf he had a woc.
O I E I E
With an oooom oooom here
and an oooom oooom there
here an ooom there an ooom Everywhere an oooom ooooom
Old DacMonald had a marf
O I E I E
etc. I usually went through a gip (with a kanoi kanoi), a god(wow wob), and maybe a neh(kulk kulk)
before someone anal out there points out that I'm not following Official Dyslexic Standards and Practices I know. artistic license.
also, I had to get offline last night before finishing what I was writing. my idea was that the one looking for a brain from the wizard should be whoever is wasting their time reading this crap

 

[Math Is Hard]

Dave noticed that the woc was acting strangely. She spent her days staring off into the distance and hardly ever wanted to be milked anymore. One morning while she stood sleeping, he peeked into her journal and found a badly scrawled poem.

The evol song of Otot

Am I udderly insane
To evol you, man without a brane?
Are my sweetbreads in a twist?

I can never get pasturize,
My stomachs fill with butterflies,
Though we’ve never even kiss’t.

Strawman, this battle I’m losing
This evol I feel’s so confusing,
Like an argument gone astray.

Who cud be immoone to your charms?
In my dreams I nibble your arms.
They taste like the sweetest hay.

When you’re near I lose my voice
How I long to be your top choice.
If my Ooms weren’t so trembling and frail..

I would ask you to make me your wife
And I’d evol you for the roast of my life,
Or until the end of this tale.

This worried Dave immensely. Even if things didn’t go badly between Otot and Strawman – it certainly meant trouble for him. For the meantime he must conceal his knowledge of Otot’s feelings. If she knew he had read her journal it would be a serious breach of trust. He tiptoed quietly over to the sleeping Otot to replace the journal.

Unfortunately, a song crept into his head at just that moment. He began to absent-mindedly hum ‘O I E I E..’ With a quick buzzing snort, Otot awoke and Dave found himself staring straight into the eyes of a very, very angry woc…

 

[Evo]

my idea was that the one looking for a brain from the wizard should be whoever is wasting their time reading this crap

Hey, I HAVE to read this cr@p! I'm the mentor!

So, I have an excuse.

Besides, this is pretty good cr@p.

 

[tribdog]

Hey, I HAVE to read this cr@p! I'm the mentor!

So, I have an excuse.

Besides, this is pretty good cr@p.

lol, I'm going to do a filibuster. We'll see how much of this stuff you really read Ms. Mentor. You thought you had trouble staying awake the other day...

 

[Les Sleeth]

Too late. Dave jumped into a nearby tree and called down to Ken. "Don't worry, he's not actually swallowing most of the pieces and I can see several large pieces of your torso. We'll be able to put you back together. Oh, oh geez. I'd always heard that could be done to an eye socket, but that's the first time I've ever seen it accomplished. Oh, oh no. Don't do it Mr. Lion. Ohhh that's just uncalled for. right down the neck."
Down on the ground the lion was obviously running out of steam and before too long he sat down, then toppled and was soon snoring loudly.
This is my chance, Dave jumped to the ground and reached into his pocket. YES! His bottle of Depo Provera (look it up) was still there and so was his syringe.

Dave was able to sew Kenman back together and with a little hormonal therapy got him walking again. Strangely only one body part was missing. He then had a long talk with the Lion.

“That was a cowardly thing to do to trusting Kenman. He’s on his way to see the Gizzard for a heart, and now he really needs one!”

Crying loudly the Lion said, “I know, I am a disgusting critter. I only pick on things smaller than me. I’d puke up that heart right this very second and give it back to Kenman if I could, but I already feel it moving thru my guts.” The Lion licked his lips suspiciously.

“That’s okay, the Gizzard will help. Hey, maybe you can come with us and ask the Gizzard for some courage.”

And so it was that the Cowardly Lion joined them. Dave was thinking this story might turn out afterall if he could fix the situation between Strawman and Otot . . .

For the meantime he must conceal his knowledge of Otot’s feelings. If she knew he had read her journal it would be a serious breach of trust. He tiptoed quietly over to the sleeping Otot to replace the journal. Unfortunately, a song crept into his head at just that moment. He began to absent-mindedly hum ‘O I E I E..’ With a quick buzzing snort, Otot awoke and Dave found himself staring straight into the eyes of a very, very angry woc…

“Uhhhhh, it fell, I was just putting it back,” Dave stammered.

Otot, stared, looking for signs he was lying. But Dave had studied tells as part of his training for the World Series of Poker, and so maintained a blank stare. Otot arose, walked over to Dave, and licked his face with her long tongue, from chin to forehead.

“Ewwwwwww, why’d you do that?” Dave said wiping his face. But he recognized Otot was doing the bovine mind meld, and realized that now she had read his mind. She had caught him, and knew he knew of her all-consuming lust for Scarecrow.

Yet in one way Dave was glad it was out in the open because he understood that if he didn’t get Strawman and Otot to stop their attraction, it could mean the end of the journey to Zircon City and any chance the Gizzard might help him get home. What was he to do?

Then it hit him. He knew Otot was a lusty woc, and so he strolled up to her and said, “Yes, yes! I read it, I couldn’t help myself. You’re all I’ve got Otot, you’re my bestest friend. I was only thinking of your welfare you know.”

Otot grunted. That’s a bunch of bull, she thought.

“No seriously my friend. I know you dream of a blissful domestic life, baking cow pies, getting’ milked regularly, trading cud with Scarecrow into old age . . . but there’s one thing you might not have thought of my sweet friend.”

Otot grunted and rolled her eyes. He’s butterin’ me up.

“Think Otot, think! He’s a straw man, right?”

No denyin’ that, Otot thought.

“And a strawman is made out of straw, right?

Duuuhhhhhhh . . . get to the point cottage cheese breath.

“You know, straw . . . like everywhere, you know STRAW!”

OMG, Otot thought, not as in “where’s the beef” . . . Dave couldn’t mean that could he? And then the awful truth hit her, it had to be. Tears were filling Otot’s eyes when the Cowardly Lion walked up. Hmmmm, not bad Otot thought, not bad at all.

And so it was that everyone got back on the powerpuff road and were again off to see the Gizzard. Everything went well until they hit that poppy field . . .