Copied from a joke site:
Doctor, Doctor
I can't stop stealing things
Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!
Doctor, Doctor
What can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains?
Pull yourself together man!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a bridge?
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm god?
How did that start?
In the beginning there was darkness...
Doctor, Doctor
Every bone in my body aches!
Just be glad you aren't a herring!
Doctor, Doctor
Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I've broken my neck?
Don't worry - keep your chin up!
Doctor Doctor
My daughter has just swallowed my pen - what shall I do?
Use a pencil!
Doctor Doctor
What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
I find that very hard to believe!
Doctor, Doctor
I feel like a pack of cards?
I'll deal with you later!
Doctor, Doctor
You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor
I feel like a spoon?
Still still and don't stir!
Doctor, Doctor
Every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye!
I suggest you take the spoon out!
Doctor, Doctor
My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.
Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!
Doctor, Doctor
Please help me. I think I'm invisible
Next Please!
Doctor, Doctor
I've just swallowed my mouth organ
Well look on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a cat?
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!
Doctor, Doctor
I've got insomnia
Just sit on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off!