Facebook Note Gone Awry: Is BF Overreacting?

[0TheSwerve0]

Exactly! All that silliness about astrology is just excuses trying to somehow justify staying with someone with whom you personality is simply not compatible. Why waste your time? If you need to tiptoe around his feelings, and think he's a snob, then find someone who likes you the way you are, and find someone you like as they are. Unless you're so shallow as to base relationships on whether or not one likes Michael Jackson (in which case you're STILL in deep doo doo with this one), that's again just another excuse to argue with him without accepting the problem is the relationship, not the topic of conversation.

So now you think the only reason I'm with him is because of astrology?

Since when do I care if he likes Michael Jackson?

Wow, talk about twisting words and leaping to conclusions. Some people like gossip way too much...

 

[0TheSwerve0]

One other comment... when people fight, they will often throw in "repair attempts," in an effort to defuse the situation. Repair attempts come in many forms. Some people say, "come on, let's not fight." Others put a hand on their partner, or ask for a hug. Other people make jokes. No matter what form they come in, though, repair attempts have to be acknowledged, and in all but the most exceptional cases, they must also be heeded. If one person routinely gets his or her repair attempts shot down, it will lead to resentment, emotional isolation, and a breakup.

If you've really been talking all morning with him about this, I'm sure he's thrown more than a couple of repair attempts out there, and, by the sound of it, you're oblivious to them. I suggest you try to read over those emails again, and look for examples. Consider -- just for a moment -- that maybe he doesn't want to fight about this, and it's really just your own contempt that's keeping it going.

- Warren

Yeah, that already happened to me earlier, twice. I'm still standing and I'm not resentful or isolated. I'm stronger than that. Sometimes people act like children, so I don't take it personally if they're jerks to me.

btw, he never attempted to repair. Nice how I'm the villain in this. (shows how much understand)

 

[0TheSwerve0]

Issue 2, if one has to tiptoe around the bf's feelings, there's something wrong with the relationship. There seems more mutual antagonism than mutual concern and support, which seems antithetical to an intimate (warm and tender) relationship.

I've already talked to him about this, a few times even. He knows he's ultra-sensitive, and usually he takes a while to respond if he's upset. This time he didn't, and even when I agreed with him that I was being a jerk, he still kept the argument going and tried to deny that his comment was dumb in the first place. It's not like I was hounding him, I just admitted that we were both being lame, but he wouldn't admit it.

Really, I just see him as being a big baby, but that's only because my emotional expressions are so different. I'm pretty thick-skinned, so even if someone takes a swipe at me, I get over it quickly. I'm no victim. With him, he's got insecurity issues from childhood, so it's just more work to consider that first before even teasing him.

 

[NeoDevin]

Really, I just see him as being a big baby

The heart of the problem?

 

[0TheSwerve0]

Yep, which I told him, and now I realize that he's just super emotional and kind of messed up. So, now I tiptoe around him. It's not my nature, but at least I don't have bottled up frustration anymore because I understand him. My sister is actually way worse than he is, and because I understand her, I can let her crap go and get over it in the blink of an eye. Obviously he and I don't quite understand each other as well.

 

[chroot]

Nice how I'm the villain in this. (shows how much understand)

You know what? I know nothing about you at all. I know nothing about your boyfriend, or your relationship. I have never directly communicated with you before. All I have to go on about your personality are the things you're showing us here, in this very thread.

I can already identify a number of things that are frankly just wrong about the way you interact with him. I called you on them and all I get back is passive-aggressive BS and belittlement of my understanding. Look, toots, if I don't understand this well enough, it's because you haven't explained it well enough.

Judging from the personality traits you've shown us so far, you are a very difficult person to get along with, and you're unwilling to make any effort at all to change that. I wish you luck in this relationship, if indeed you even care at all about it, but I think it's doomed. You're not ready to be in a relationship at all.

- Warren

 

[0TheSwerve0]

Look, pal, I didn't realize I was here to explain myself to you.

Passive-aggressive bs? You insisted he must have tried to repair the rel, when he didn't. I did, and he shot it down twice. I don't think it's a stretch that I'd see that as you being out of line and unfair. Maybe some of your own issues in past relationships are showing up here.

 

[Cyrus]

Listen, guys, I am free this friday, 10pm.

Seriously though, find yourself a real man. This guy is a big baby.

PS. Jackson is one of the greatest entertainers of ALL TIME GOD DAMMIT!

-Thriller
-Beat it
-etc, etc, etc, all CLASSICS

Plus his dancing?

If you think Jackson sucks, you're nuts.

 

[SticksandStones]

Listen, guys, I am free this friday, 10pm.

Seriously though, find yourself a real man. This guy is a big baby.

PS. Jackson is one of the greatest entertainers of ALL TIME GOD DAMMIT!

-Thriller
-Beat it
-etc, etc, etc, all CLASSICS

Plus his dancing?

If you think Jackson sucks, you're nuts.

How can anyone not like Thriller? That's probablt your biggest problem right there: not likeking Thriller. It shows you don't have good taste. :)