I checked the origin of eq. 11, that's eq. 3.6 of Verlinde's paper.
Where is the holographic screen, for you? For me, it is of order ~10billion light years away, which is 10^23.The compton length is 10^-15, so the suppression, in 8, factor is about exp(-5*10^-8), that is, 50 parts in one billion.
I guess z in (18) must be between the absorber and the mirror, for z higher than the absorber neutrons are not passing the slit, this is just due to the experimental setup. I do not understand where did you get ~10billion light years (?!) from when you just need to reproduce local gravitational field of Earth