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Other How can one decide to re-locate for work and leave friends?

  1. Oct 26, 2016 #1
    How do you decide to re-locate knowing that you'd leave your friends and life that you're used to?
    Realizing that I am so attached to my friends that I can't take a job offer in another town is frustrating. I've been temporary working in this new place and it's depressing. I miss my life and people that I have in my university town.
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  3. Oct 26, 2016 #2


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    Will they do the same for your friendship ? Not accept a job offer because it's not in this university town ?
  4. Oct 26, 2016 #3


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    By knowing that you can make new friends. There are lots of great people to meet all over the world.
  5. Oct 26, 2016 #4
    Some of them yes! It really all comes down to satisfactory career choices that they can make there. I discussed with them and they agree there's nothing to that new town unless I am very driven by this career opportunity. Is it normal that I'm not? I suppose most of the people consider not only job and salary but also other factors related to the location of work.

    I totally agree but I am scared of settling meaning that I don't want to get stuck in my university town ether. I've been moving around all the time (studies, work abroad) and now it's just very clear that I have to make a lasting choice. This fear made me interested in international graduate schemes just to sustain that dynamic environment.
    It's just so hard to have that hope here after a few months and not a single friend made.
  6. Oct 26, 2016 #5


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    One of the things about an university campus, particularly at the undergraduate level, is that it's very easy to make friends - at least in a relative sense. You have an environment where most people around you have something in common - similar in age, stage of life, etc. You also have clubs geared to every interest under the sun. There's sports leagues, fraternities/sororities, residence, volunteer positions... not to mention your classes.

    But once you leave, the opportunities for meeting people diminish. In a working environment there's no guarantee that you'll have that much in common with the guy on the verge of retirement, or that new mom who's just come back to work for the first time.

    So of course, you'll feel a need to stay with old friends.

    One thing that might help is that for a lot of people once school was over, their friends scattered to the wind. Everyone moves on, because like you, they all need to eat, they all need to chase after opportunities as they come. If that's not the case for you now, it probably will be sooner or later. Jimmy quit. Jody got married...

    The other thing to remember is that it's a lot easier these days to keep in touch with people over long distances. Apparently there's this website called "Facebook" that's all the rage with the young folk.
  7. Oct 27, 2016 #6
    I guess a job is just a job sometimes unless one finds something that not only pays but also motivates. But hey, at least engineering opened me up for some employment options. Maybe I just simply need to find a job with the right description. Different projects, dynamic environment, international assignments etc. (any ideas?)

    That 'Summer of 69' reference was spot on, Choppy.
  8. Oct 28, 2016 #7
    The more geographical constraints you put on a job search, the harder it is to find a close match for the job you really want.
  9. Oct 29, 2016 #8


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    Try working thru temporary help agencies, AKA 'Job Shops'. Engineering jobs may last for a month or for years. You get a lot of variety, occassional chances to travel, varied experience, meet new people, and sometimes get offered a permanent position. I worked that way or as an independent consultant for most of my career and loved the chance to tackle new things on each job; always something challenging.
  10. Oct 29, 2016 #9
    I have this challenge with regard to my family. They are thousands of miles away, and I miss them a lot, especially my parents are aging, and I have been out of home for 15 years now. It's very difficult. This is the life today.
  11. Oct 29, 2016 #10


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    I would recommend against having friends. It merely creates confusion and false impressions. Colleagues are fine, acquaintances usually do not cause trouble, but friends are an entirely different story.
    This difficulty, on the other hand, I can understand very well.
  12. Oct 29, 2016 #11
    (a) Yes, now you're in the real world. Living in a dorm or in a student apartment complex often is more akin to living with an extended family.

    (b) If the point is to make friends you can hang out with, I would think that getting a job that requires a lot of travel would hurt, rather than help. Sure, you'll meet a lot of people in passing, but do you stay together long enough to hang out and become friends? My niece took a job with a consulting firm. A group of them would be shipped off all over the world for 1 - 6 month stints. They would be housed together in a suite. Problem was they all worked such long hours they never had much time to hang out and visit the sites much. And the next assignment could involve a different group of people. And if you're shipped off later on solo assignments as you advance, you'll be even more isolated. So be careful there.

    (c) A lot depends on your individual circumstances. I've worked at large companies with several thousand people at one site. There were usually after-hours (sometimes lunch hour) company sports teams (volleyball, softball, bocce, ...). We even had a company orchestra that would give concerts after hours or during lunch; and a foreign film club. If there isn't a suitable activity, consider starting one. One guy rounded up enough soccer players to form a company league.

    (d) But my advice, which you probably won't like, is to become involved with activities that you can do solo after hours and weekends. I pursued cooking, baking, and ice skating, e.g. Swimming is another sport that doesn't require a partner. If there are public schools around you, check to see if they offer adult ed classes in languages, art, dance, and sports. Typically low cost; offerred evenings and weekends. You can take tennis lessons at a racquet club and sign up on a roster for partners to play with. At least your well-being won't depend on friends to hang out with, and who knows what interesting people you'll meet along the way? You just don't want to get sucked into the routine of work, come home, eat, watch TV, sleep.

    (e) The lesson learned: When you consider a job offer, you also need to consider locale and your desired lifestyle. But it usually will end up being a compromise: you could end up with a great job with great pay in the middle of nowhere, or with a lesser job at lesser pay in the middle of a large city with lots of singles.
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2016
  13. Oct 29, 2016 #12


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    Leaving friends (and family, provided you like your family) sucks. Contrary to what you may think right now, there are almost always people in your new area that would make excellent friends. Just keep that in mind and don't close yourself off.

    This is a surprising view and one that I can't say I agree with. But I won't press for a discussion/argument here, as I think it would be off topic.
  14. Oct 31, 2016 #13
    I gave it a good thought and now realize that I should just go with whatever I feel is best. It may be a secure choice just to take opportunities at hand but at least I'm going somewhere despite waiting for that perfect career option that may not even present itself. The fundamental problem of lack of decisiveness still is not being driven/motivated by my job options, but the way I see it, I'll try to make some money and work on myself on the side. Thanks for the replies all!
  15. Nov 2, 2016 #14
    By realizing how backwards your country is headed *cough*australia*cough*
  16. Nov 14, 2016 #15
    Sorry for reviving the post but I am curious what's wrong with Australia? That's like the one place I would probably go to without a second thought.
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2016
  17. Dec 14, 2016 #16
    As you seem young and just beginning, I would follow my brain rather than my heart. Look for the job that will open more doors for you, one that fits in to the reasons you are in whatever field you're in! Go, see the world because you'll regret you didn't take the chance and follow your greatest dreams!
    You're grown up now, you can't stay "in school" with your university friends forever! Someone said there are still ways you can be with your friends and I agree. I would also suggest Skyping, Instagram, Snap Chat etc.! You may have to take on a job or two before you get to that dream job and I want to give you one something you should never forget!
    My wise Polish mother told me...Remember this, work is work and home is home. You go to work, do your job then go home. You keep work separate from your life off the clock. What she meant was to find the people you want as friends somewhere other than work. Too many things can happen and can go wrong by being too friendly (I'm not talking sexually). I don't know if you're a man or woman but hanging with the guys (or girls) and letting a co-worker(s) know your personal business is not a good thing. I'm not saying you can't have acquaintances at work, just find your friends at the gym, church, coffee shop, anywhere else!
    Once you have or are close to your dream job and you still feel the need to be with your university friends then apply for positions you would be happy to have (you'll have more experience)! I can understand if you wanted to be closer to family because parents don't get younger.
    Oh, and the comment someone made about Australia, I think he meant with the way America is heading with a new president, you may want to go to another country.
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