How Do Adults Navigate Life with Social Dysfunction?

[Lavabug]

Lassoing this back on topic: I'm not sure what to say to my shrink next time around (in about 2 weeks). I've more or less managed to deaden the bad feelings by getting busy, but those moments in between when I've got nothing to do (or when I'm just resting) it starts to get really bad. I don't purposefully try to reflect on the ideas but they just happen. I don't know if I've regained much control, I haven't had total breakdowns like I was having 2 months ago, but I don't think it's normal to dread the moments in between thoughts or activities that require a lot of concentration. Ultimately a lot of my time has been going into fiddling with a new OS and trying to get some scientific code to run on it, alongside pgre review. I don't feel anywhere near as emotionally prepared to do any kind of social activity like what some have suggested, I think I need to fix that first.

As for meds: I'm dependent on fluoxetine now. I did notice some change early on. I know it feels like hell if I accidentally forget to take it (happened). I agree with the premise that there's no one pill for every problem.

I've done some reading on social anxiety before and a typical therapeutic approach is therapy with a shrink + an SSRI med like fluoxetine (actually, fluoxetine specifically). I don't know if this is what I have, but if it is I guess I'm already doing what the doc ordered (a popular self-test designed by a famous psychiatrist claims I do, fwiw). It is typical for social anxiety to develop into depression, allegedly.

And Aero: I actually do a 5x5 thing nowadays. And used to squat 315lb atg 3 years ago without doing a 5x5, but let's not turn this into a broscience thread... there's already a weightlifting thread in the general section for that.

. Even though I credited my fiancee with making my life mostly good, don't get the impression that getting into a relationship will necessarily cure your loneliness and solve your problems. I tried it when I was in my twenties and it was a disaster. You seem to be on the right track. You're seeking professional help, you're exercising, and you're getting an education. And I would also like to add that a healthy diet is important also. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.

Thanks for sharing your private life. I definitely did not get the impression that getting a girlfriend/spouse would be the cure. I'm well aware it could potentially cause more problems. But in the absence of ever having one and seeing peers being more successful than me in academics and ultimately life in general doing all this while having relationships does make me wonder at times if that's what's missing, if that's the culprit or could explain my ultimate spiral into depression and diminishing (imo, for someone with no partner and all the "free time" in the world) performance in university, work, etc.

 

[Lavabug]

Well I'm feeling like crap now, I did pretty poorly on my last attempt on the PGRE and things aren't looking to bright for the future. Don't know what to do with my free time now... :/

 

[Crake]

You're not being given medication for your social anxiety?
Therapy can't fix problems in your brain. .

I haven't read the whole thread yet. I'll just say that this thread interestes me as I'm an introvert as well, an awkward one people say.

I'd just like to answer what I quoted, atleast for now. There has been studies that prove that cognitive therapy is atleast as effective as medication (antidepressants). Studies show that therapy changes the brain!

If I were OP, medication would be my last resort. I'd try CBT, REBT , etc.. I'd also start exercising (seriously, exercise helps a LOT OP, you should try it!*)*I said "If I were OP".. I'm in fact in a similar situation, and what I told you is what I plan to do.

 

[Crake]

Well I'm feeling like crap now, I did pretty poorly on my last attempt on the PGRE and things aren't looking to bright for the future. Don't know what to do with my free time now... :/

I just glanced at this post (haven't read the whole topic yet) but:

Do something. Even if that something is video-games. Doing nothing will only make you feel worse. Pick a book and read. Even if you don't feel like it, read a couple pages and see where it takes you.

Also, have you thought about meditation?

 

[cragar]

on my last attempt on the PGRE

Is this the physics GRE? What kind of physics do you like ?

 

[U.Renko]

Have you heard about exposure therapy?
For example, for people with arachnophobia they first show videos of spiders, then progress to watching spiders in a glass from far away. Then closer, then even closer. Eventually they may even catch the spider on hand as if never had the phobia in the first place.

Perharps the same can be done with social phobia:
you can go to a street near where you live, sit down on the ground and just watch people as they move around. Imagine yourself as a biologist studying rats behaviour or something like that. Is very unlikely someone will talk to you because most of the time people don't start conversations with random strangers sitting on the ground. And if you're tired, scared or sometthing, you can just go back home, since it is nearby.

When you're confortable with that, you can go to a cafeteria. Order something and just sit there watching people like a biologist watching rats. Once again most people won't start conversations with you. They will however look at you. But don't feel threatened by that, after all you yourself are watching them, why can't them?

Be sure to listen to their conversations, observe differences between this and that group. Try to deduce what people do for living, or what is their personality like just by observing. Eventually you're going to overhear their conversations and confirm or not your guesses.
Really, treat this like a game.

Then you can move on to harder stuff like going to bars or something.

Also, if you are VERY, VERY uncomfortable in any of these stages you can ask the company of your parents or relatives or anyone you really trust. Just make sure to explain to them and they will surely help you.

 

[lendav_rott]

OP:
What do you want to achieve? The direction you're heading depends on what you believe to be true about your dysfunction - is it like an amputated limb or is it a sickness? You can't grow back an arm once it's lost (or maybe never existed). There's so much you could do, or atleast things I would do if I were you, but you are you and I
am me and it will be an endless debate whether any of us has the best / close to optimal solution. So, you have to go with the flow and learn what you can on the way.

Pills and medications of all sorts always felt a waste to me, though I have never had problems with such things hence never needed the pills anyway. I understand it is brain chemistry that is different, that's all I can understand, though - socialphobias and anxieties that you suffer from are baseless in my opinion, I just cannot comprehend the fear.

So we're back to square one, what is it you look to achieve?

 

[jim hardy]

Some of the belated posts make me wonder if there's more 'lurkers' following , too shy to chime in.

As a world class nerd let me share something.
I took the Dale Carnegie speaking course about 30 years ago in my mid-thirties.
I signed up because of intense social anxiety, and in my job i was expected to speak before groups.
I'd actually not remember the talks afterward.

Carnegie started out teaching public speaking in public school adult education evening classes.
In his book Carnegie describes noticing profound personality changes among quite a few of his students.
He decided he was on to something and changed the thrust of his course to building confidence and interacting better with people.

This is NOT a commercial for that course. It's just sharing my experience.

Like that old Greek orator Demosthenes who overcame his speech impediment by putting pebbles in his mouth and forcing himself to speak, we grow by pushing ourselves where we're weak.

I'd suggest you try an evening course in public speaking at a local community college. You'll be surrounded by other folks who are trying to improve themselves, and that's a lot healthier than the bar scene.
especially for us 'socially challenged' types. Like the old R&R song says - "..No place for beginners, or sensitive hearts..."

You will see the class members gain self confidence and they'll see same in you.
What happens is you find out you're not so bad after all.

old jim

 

[Chronos]

Public speaking is incredibly stressful for many people. Even worse is karaoke. Just remember, hardly anyone cares if you come off as clarence darrow, or taylor swift. They will mostly remember you had the kahunas to get up there and give it a shot. Its a confidence booster.