I've been feeling lost as of late.

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In summary, even after I had moved, I still felt like I didn't really have a purpose in my life. I was just fooling myself into thinking that moving away from my previous living arrangement would enable me to figure out what it is that I want. In truth, when I moved away almost a year ago, all I did was distance myself from a toxic living environment, and a place where, as I had protested over again, I did not belong. I don't regret my decision in the slightest, and I still believe that it was the best decision I have ever made.
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Eclair_de_XII
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Even after I had moved, I still felt like I didn't really have a purpose in my life. I was just fooling myself into thinking that moving away from my previous living arrangement would enable me to figure out what it is that I want. In truth, when I moved away almost a year ago, all I did was distance myself from a toxic living environment, and a place where, as I had protested over again, I did not belong. I don't regret my decision in the slightest, and I still believe that it was the best decision I have ever made.

Life has never been better for me. My current job pays more than any job I've had ever had, I feel useful whenever I am doing work for my IT company. I've cleared a Python course and am due to receive my certification. I'm making a surplus of about a thousand American dollars per month, after I subtract my living expenses and rent payment.

Sometimes, I am pestered by my mother about matters that I really shouldn't have to deal with anymore. She used to use me as her emotional support dog. She'd just go on about my father, and how he'd treat her like trash and such. It's tiresome having to listen to someone who just keeps repeating themselves --- something I am sure that this board has much experience with, given my habit of consistently posting about my existential crisis and just as consistently ignoring any advice given, as I am doing right now.

Recently, my mother told me to get brain surgery in order to remove a tumor that according to her, is exactly the same as the one that rendered her an invalid over a year ago. She refused to listen to my doctor, who had insisted that mine is a benign growth. No, my mother insisted that my growth was exactly the same as hers, and that we were connected in that way; the thought is greatly unsettling beyond all belief. It's tiring having to feel like just an extension of my mother's emotions whenever she attempts to project her worries unto me, pretending that they are her own. It's dehumanizing. She simply exhausts me too much for me to want to call or text her. She's one of the reasons why I had moved away.

In any case, most of these nights, I am unable to sleep. I am kept awake by thoughts of what I'm even doing at this point. I just feel as though I am at a loss as to what would bring me joy and success in my life, and if those two things are even synonymous.

I had decided to pursue a coding certification with the belief that it would help me find higher-paying work. But I cannot feel that that goal is enough. I don't even have a vague idea of what sort of coding job would fit me --- if any such exist, in any case.

As for what would bring me joy, I had been, for months, trying to get back into my mathematics work. But it is just as droll and uninteresting as it was when I was doing it during my academic career. I had continued on regardless, insisting to myself that I wasn't really living up to my degree. I feel that at some level, I had not truly earned it. Then I insist to myself that it's just a piece of paper that I had been chasing for seven years, in the hopes that obtaining it would figuratively open doors for me. Telling myself this never really helps me feel better, in any case.

Sometime later, I remembered that one of the reasons I had enrolled in college was enable myself to find a job that paid well enough to allow me to move away. And now that I'm away, I just don't know what to do with myself. Nothing just seems interesting to me anymore. Everything's just background noise to me; the usual nonsense, in other words.

I had gotten into writing fan-fiction at one point. It was one of those activities that would genuinely bring me joy, on a day when I was active, alert, and not dissociated from my surroundings as I usually am. I cannot say that the same holds true now. When I had embarked on this project, I had committed to writing at least a page per day, in order to make sure that my project is moving along. It worked out fun enough, upon discovering that more than half of the most recent pages, written in exhaustion and pure apathy, had deviated far too much from my original outline for me to be able to revise and reuse. Now, I realize that I've lost too much interest in it, and in the source material for which I was writing it.

It chips away at my emotional energy quite a bit, having no one to talk to. Sometimes, I feel like I'm losing my mind. There have been days when I have not had to use my voice at all. It's extremely hard not to feel lonely. In those rare moments when I have motivation, energy, and enough sleep, I usually write in my journal, so as to feel like I am talking to somebody. I also browse the internet for mental disorders that I can sympathize with; I also search through TVTropes for the same reason. Recently, I broke my rice-cooker out of fatigue and my own carelessness. I genuinely felt bad, like I was losing a friend. I took this as a sign that I was more lonely than I had realized.

There are days when I daydream of going to college again. But then those daydreams are shattered by the reality that I simply abhor listening to other people talk, and by absence of purpose in life. In a way, I had come to associate my life's purpose with having a college major, a sad thing to be sure. During one of those daydreams, I had briefly mused about being a writing major, given how often my peers and professors, during my undergraduate career, had complimented my writings. Some suggested that I was in the wrong major, which I had taken offense to. Now I wonder if these suggestions were truly meant as insults. But then I dismiss the notion of my enrolling in a writing major as ludicrous; the thought came to me while I was writing fan-fiction, and I'd long given up on it anyway.

Anyway, this is a short summary of how I've been feeling as of late.
 
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Hi Eclair,

I'm sorry to hear all this. It really sounds like you need to see a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist to help you. Therapy and/or medication can be of great benefit and many people see substantial improvement in their moods and thoughts after treatment. What are your thoughts about seeing someone?
 
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  • #3
You need the words of Mr. William Broad. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Idol

There is nothing sure in this world.​
There is nothing pure in this world.​
There is nothing safe in this world.​
There is nothing fair in this world.​
And yet, there's something left in this world.​
Start again. It's a nice day.​

Take any small step you can find to improve your life. No matter how small. Hang up the towel in the bathroom. Wash and put away one dish. Then after that, try to find something to do every day to improve your life. If you can do even three things a week, you will start to get the habit. Keep trying to do more things. Pretty soon you will find it easier.

Find ways to get out of your rut. Go outside. Find something nice. A pretty tree or a pleasant building or something. Breathe some fresh air. There are lots of gnarly nasty things in the world, but there are also lots of massively wonderful things.
 
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  • #4
Drakkith said:
What are your thoughts about seeing someone?
I doubt that anyone would either believe or understand my problems. I don't have the energy to talk about them most of the time, anyway.
 
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  • #5
Eclair_de_XII said:
I doubt that anyone would either believe or understand my problems. I don't have the energy to talk about them most of the time, anyway.
That's not the point. It isn't expected that someone can understand you in the sense of sharing the same emotions or following your reasoning.

What e.g. a neurologist can do, is prescribe you drugs that can help. Drug sounds awful. We use the word "medicament". Anyway. There are "drugs" that can help you to survive the day. I would not recommend opiates like e.g. diazepam because it is absolutely horrible to get away from them again. But even "mild" ones like e.g. fluoxetine (Prozac) that do not get you in addiction can help. They won't heal you, but they can help you. However, it needs a doctor to determine which and how much of a drug is necessary. That varies from person to person, or even over time.

Whether psychotherapy is additionally indicated is another question. It usually is. But even without, you should consider taking mother's little helpers. However, tell your doctor that you do not want to take opiates! Nobody deserves that kind of addiction!
 
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  • #6
Eclair_de_XII said:
I doubt that anyone would either believe or understand my problems. I don't have the energy to talk about them most of the time, anyway.
Life is too short to stay unhappy. Please take care of yourself.
 
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  • #7
Eclair_de_XII said:
I doubt that anyone would either believe or understand my problems. I don't have the energy to talk about them most of the time, anyway.
The most important factor in whether therapy works is whether you want it to and believe it can, or not. That's just a choice you would have to make. It's frustrating to watch someone who needs help refuse it. There's nothing we can do to help that here. Please take care of yourself.

Thread closed.
 
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1. What are the common causes of feeling lost?

Feeling lost can be caused by a variety of factors such as major life changes, lack of direction or purpose, mental health issues, or simply feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from oneself.

2. How do I know if I am really feeling lost or just going through a rough patch?

Feeling lost is often described as a persistent feeling of confusion and disorientation, accompanied by a sense of emptiness or lack of fulfillment. If you have been feeling this way for an extended period of time and it is impacting your daily life, it may be a sign that you are truly feeling lost.

3. Can feeling lost be a normal part of life?

Feeling lost is a common experience and can be a normal part of life. It is natural to go through periods of uncertainty and questioning in our lives. However, if these feelings persist and significantly impact your well-being, it may be helpful to seek support and guidance.

4. What are some ways to cope with feeling lost?

There are various strategies that can help cope with feeling lost, such as seeking support from loved ones, engaging in self-reflection and introspection, setting small achievable goals, and seeking professional help if needed. It is important to find healthy ways to process and manage these feelings.

5. Can feeling lost lead to any long-term consequences?

If left unaddressed, feeling lost can potentially lead to negative consequences such as depression, anxiety, or a sense of hopelessness. It is important to acknowledge and address these feelings in order to prevent them from impacting your overall well-being and happiness in the long term.

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