Inventive Genius: Ted M. Moss' Patented Mouse Trap

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The discussion centers around an innovative and controversial mouse trap invented by Ted M. Moss, which not only kills mice but also crushes and incinerates them. The trap uses an electric eye to detect the mouse, activates a harpoon to kill it, and then crushes it before incineration. It automatically resets for the next catch. The conversation humorously expands to the implications of such a device, including fictional fast-food offerings like the "McMousetrap mousewrap," and the absurdity of a mouse-rich diet being promoted by the FDA. Animal rights concerns are raised, particularly by a fictional PETA representative, who argues against the normalization of eating mice. The thread also touches on the backlash against the idea of mice as a protein source, with satirical commentary on societal views and health implications. Overall, the discussion blends humor with critiques of modern food practices and animal rights issues.
  • #31
Washington D.C. (AP) For immediate release.

The planned Million Mouse March on Washington turned tragic today when the peaceful scurriers were attacked by ravenous Republicans wielding tongs and portable fryers.

As a sidebar to this story, Republicans raised over three million dollars today by hosting a spontaneous outdoor luncheon.
 
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  • #32
Bush Denies Mouse-Eating Admission

REMARKS BY PRESIDENT BUSH TO THE TRAVEL POOL AT FORT HOOD, TEXAS

THE PRESIDENT: I'll answer a couple of questions. Scott.

Q.: Thank you Mr. President. Yesterday, when I asked you if there were any mouse dishes on the White House menu you replied "Sure, I eat 'em." Yet later in your afternoon press conference, you said "I don't eat mice, myself, but the Chief of Staff is taking a good look at the circumstances. Soon I will be able to tell you what the White Houses position on mouse-eating is."

THE PRESIDENT: I guess I misspoke. I didn't mean to say "Chief of Staff". I meant to say "Secretary of Agriculture", or whichever one is in charge of livestock. I can get that information to you later.

Q. Yes, but Mr. President, in the morning you told me you did eat mice, and in the afternoon you told the country you didn't eat mice.

THE PRESIDENT: As you know, some words rhyme, and they can be confused with each other. What I think I said to you in the morning was "Sure, I've heard of mouse-eating", but you probably mis-recorded me since...well, because of the rhyme. Next question.
 
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  • #33
Breaking news...Disneyland has now adopted the mouse-diet, whose motto is "Eat a mouse a day."

Confronted with this revelation, Mickey smiled, but Minnie just blushed. It's the first tail for Mickey since Walt erased his part as one of the Seven Dwarves.
 
  • #34
Washington (APP) For Immediate Release
The President's press secretary fired back at reporters when hit with questions about statements allegedly made by the President yesterday. “He did not say what he said, but if he had he would have meant that he might eat mice in the morning, but it is not likely that he would eat mice in the evening. On this point the president stands firm. He has always been a breakfast mouser and he will continue to be a breakfast mouser. Let there be no confusion on this point: This is nothing but another example of malicious character assasination and left wing partisanship!” With that the Secretary slammed his notes down on the podium and left the room. All present were reportedly stunned into silence.
 
  • #35
Some tips on how to catch and cook mice

Some cooking tips:

...Mice Hunting Techniques

Mice are hunted during the dry season from April up to early November. Men and especially boys have the responsibility of hunting mice. Catching mice requires tremendous skill and sometimes tenacity as when an individual is digging for the kabwanda that burrows really deep into solid dry hard clay soil. In this case the hunting party has do dig hard for long hours. The boys and men have to know what type of holes in the ground are likely to have what breed of mice, how to dig for them, how soil mixed with fresh mice urine smells like. If the odor is strong and fresh that is usually a good sign that the mice are in the hole. The boys have to know how to skillfully use short sticks or clubs, mphici, to strike the mice when they scramble out of the escape hole, known as mbuli, in their desperate search for new cover...

How to Cook Mice

The cooking of the mice is very simple. The mice are gutted, boiled in plain water for about half an hour and salted. They are then fire dried until they are nearly bone dry. Mice are never cooked any other way. In fact, there is a song among the Tumbuka, whose lyrics are in the Chewa or Nyanja language, which mocks a young modern housewife who did not know proper mouse cooking.

Ena sadziwa kuphika lelo Ku mbeba

Ena sadziwa kuphika lelo ku mbeba

Anyenzi, tomato, komweko lelo ku mbeba

Anyenzi, saladi, komweko lelo ku mbeba

Some do not know how to cook mice

Some do not know how to cook mice

Onion, tomatoes in the mice

Onion, cooking oil in the mice

In the song, the grave mistake the young housewife apparently committed was to assume she could add onions, tomatoes, and cooking oil to the mice. These ingredients are highly valued in modern popular Zambian cuisine such as beef and chicken stew. But they are a taboo in cooking mice.

http://www.bridgewater.edu/~mtembo/mbeba.html

Speaking of mousatizers, I took a Wilderness Survival class in college. We learned (via closed-circuit pre-recorded instruction) how to cook mice by packing them in mudballs and throwing them in a fire

http://purlsb4swine.blogspot.com/2003_08_01_purlsb4swine_archive.html

I think this young chap has a good idea - cook it in an Anahat, on a skewer or in a bowl of some sort. Mice are good for you, but nobody has shown us how to cook them. The French people eat frogs and snails - it's not difficult to find a book telling you how to cook them. I have heard that somewhere mice are dipped in honey before they are cooked. On the Internet we can probably find people to tell us how to do that. Perhaps we can be the first to tell the world how to cook mice by the sun.

http://www.geocities.com/boxaidinfo/play.htm

Pot Luck: Grilled Mice
...instructions for cooking mice, recipes for wild fish and game like Squirrel Fricasee and Juneau Icefield Go-Atter (woodrat) Stew

http://www.csindy.com/csindy/2000-01-06/potluck.html
 
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  • #36
zoobyshoe said:
"High tech mousing that not only kills but crushes and incinerates the victim is offered in a trap devised by Texan Ted M. Moss. His enclosed apparatus lures a doomed rodent into a cylindrical chamber with bait. An electric eye senses the presence of the mouse and actuates a spring driven vertical harpoon that spears the creature on the spot. Once dead, the mouse is crushed between two flat metal plates to a thickness of about three-sixteenths of an inch and incinerated by an electric coil. The trap then automatically places another morsel in the bait chamber and resets itself to harpoon the next small intruder."

-Inventive Genius
Library of Curious and Unusual Facts
Time-Life books, 1991

Wow, that's great. So did the world beat a path to this guy's door or what?
 
  • #37
To think that we deprived Westerners are allowed only three mouse feces per sack of flour!
 
  • #38
Loren Booda said:
To think that we deprived Westerners are allowed only three mouse feces per sack of flour!
Not to mention the limits to the acceptable amounts of rodent urine in chocolate. :frown:
 
  • #39
So that's why my cocoa keeps me up at night?
 
  • #40
Thanks to Ivan for finding this thread again just as I found yet another mousetrap patent! This one's just evil.

United States Patent 6,865,843
Jordan, Sr. March 15, 2005
Portable electrical mouse trap

Abstract
A portable electrical mouse trap that has a housing in the shape of a cat to which a handle is attached. An interior cavity of the mouse trap contains a primary motion sensor near its entrance, a retractable primary gate, a reservoir of a fragrance that smells like fresh cheese, a secondary motion sensor near an entrance to the collection chamber, a retractable secondary gate and a vacuum source. The primary motion sensor and secondary motion sensor detect the presence of a mouse inside the interior cavity. The primary gate automatically opens when activated by the primary motion sensor and the secondary gate automatically opens when activated by the secondary motion sensor. A vacuum tube connects the vacuum source and collection chamber. The vacuum source sucks the mouse fully into the collection chamber and thereby suffocates it. A speaker informs a user when the collection chamber is full.
http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-...,865,843.WKU.&OS=PN/6,865,843&RS=PN/6,865,843


Check out the picture!
http://www.uspto.gov/web/patents/patog/week11/OG/html/1292-3/US06865843-20050315.html
How likely is it that a mouse is going to wander right into a cat's mouth?
 
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  • #41
Oh yeah, real hard to find since it is the first link in the first post of General discussion classics :rolleyes: :biggrin: It just happens to be my favorite thread.
 
  • #42
Evo said:
Oh yeah, real hard to find since it is the first link in the first post of General discussion classics :rolleyes: :biggrin: It just happens to be my favorite thread.

Now here I had impressed MB and you had to spoil it!

:biggrin:
 
  • #43
Evo said:
Oh yeah, real hard to find since it is the first link in the first post of General discussion classics :rolleyes: :biggrin: It just happens to be my favorite thread.


Ivan Seeking said:
Now here I had impressed MB and you had to spoil it!

:smile: Right in front of my eyes is always the last place I look for something.
 
  • #44
Ivan Seeking said:
Now here I had impressed MB and you had to spoil it!

:biggrin:
Ooops, sorry, I owe you. Or you could say that you searched for hours before finding it. :wink:

Now I know MB hasn't been reading my threads though. :devil:
 
  • #45
Evo said:
Now I know MB hasn't been reading my threads though. :devil:

:rolleyes: :redface: Oops. No, haven't visited that thread in a while. When I do read it, I usually skip to the end to see if there's anything new in it. I forgot what's at the beginning. :redface:
 
  • #46
Hmm patent # 4,669,216.X

Pituitary gland remover for mice with adjacent storage container and a separator
 
  • #47
Cheese on mouse

This traditional Scottish recipe that became popular in 1992 after the Moss Mouse Masher became a household hit. The successful cull of mice led to an enor-mouse cheese surplus which was overcome by the introduction of a high cheese diet.

The cheese surplus problem was eventually overcome by the invention of mad cow disease, foot and mouth disease and the Nice Cold Ice Cold Milk campaign, chronological absurdity notwithstanding.

A Glasgow version has the cheese on mouse deep fried rather than grilled. This, however, is a more healthy option that results in a less cheesy vat of vegetable oil.

- 1 mouse
- a large quantity of cheese
- any seasoning that will take away the taste of cheese

Place as much of the cheese as possible on the mouse and place under a grill. Do not allow to melt onto the grill pan too much.

Take the mouse out of the grill and leave to stand until the cheese has set. Then, turn the mouse over and repeat.

Allow to set again and repeat from the beginning. Continue turning, cheesing, grilling and leaving to stand until you run out of cheese or can no longer fit the mouse under the grill.

Season and eat immediately while holding your nose.
 
  • #48
Mice mock simple traps

...Designed by experienced professionals!
We have been in the business of making and designing record setting mousetrap powered vehicles longer than anyone else, and mousetrap powered projects is what we do best! Unlike the rest, our on staff team of engineers is continuously experimenting with new designs and products so you can feel safe in knowing that you will always be getting the best performance products available. Each of our kits has been engineered and designed for success through an extremely long and involved process that has been proven to produce products that are years ahead of the rest. [continued]
http://www.mousetrap-cars.com/mousetrap/s350df.htm
[I was looking for "sticky wheels". :smile:]
 
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  • #49
Patent # 4,669,216.X

Titanium mouse vest and helmet to protect innocent mice from being harpooned through the chest. Guess I'm the only one who's had rodents for pets. :biggrin:
 
  • #50
Patent # 4,669,216.Y

Titanium mouse vest piercing harpoon. :biggrin:

Sorry Entropy :redface::smile:
 
  • #51
Artman said:
Patent # 4,669,216.Y
Titanium mouse vest piercing harpoon. :biggrin:
Sorry Entropy :redface::smile:
:cry: :cry: :cry:
 
  • #52
Patent # 4,669,216.Z

Now from the makers of Cheese Whiz - Mouse Whiz. It goes great on crackers.
 
  • #53
Ivan Seeking said:
Patent # 4,669,216.Z
Now from the makers of Cheese Whiz - Mouse Whiz. It goes great on crackers.
And you can even use the harpoons as toothpicks for making horderves!:approve:
 
  • #54
Artman said:
And you can even use the harpoons as toothpicks for making horderves!:approve:

Proper disposal of the harpoons is critical - the depleted uranium core.
 
  • #55
Artman said:
Patent # 4,669,216.Y
Titanium mouse vest piercing harpoon. :biggrin:
Sorry Entropy :redface::smile:
Ooh, that might come in handy for my hobby (see my location :biggrin:). :devil:
 
  • #56
With all the tongue-in-cheek silliness, I had to check this out myself.. Sure enough U.S. Patent
4,669,216 "Apparatus for trapping and disposing of rodents" with harpoons and all, issued in 1987.

which is not far from Patent 4,953,320 A cockroach trap that cooks its captives.

or Patent 5,953,853 A rodent trap: once animal is captured, electrocutes the little fellow. :frown:
 
  • #57
Ivan Seeking said:
http://www.mousetrap-cars.com/mousetrap/s350df.htm
[I was looking for "sticky wheels". :smile:]
Reports of mice revolts have been coming in, almost daily, explaining unimaginable events. The website mousetrap-cars.com has been very successful since their conception selling mouse trap propelled cars as fast as they can make them. The mice have been using the vehicles to play pranks on the humans who invade their territory. As soon as the humans fall asleep, the mice set up booby traps around the house using their mousetrap powered cars. Then they watch patiently, waiting for the "innocent" humans to fall right into their trap. One incident from Kansas reported that a man broke his neck from falling down the stairs because of one of these so called traps.

Awesome thread by the way!
 
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  • #58
:smile: I love this thread, I haven't seen it in over a year
 
  • #59
Yeah, if this doesn't win zooby the "funniest Member" award, I don't know what will.