- #1
bluechic92
- 175
- 15
Hey Everyone,
So I was set. I studied and re-took the pgre. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do in graduate school. I thought about career goals. I talked to professors and graduate students. I even submitted two apps! Two schools that I would be extremely happy to attend.
Recently, out of nowhere, I am having doubts. Tomorrow is one of the main deadlines for a couple of my schools and I couldn't even get myself to look at the apps. I kept procrastinating. I kept looking for a "way out" or something else that would make me happy. IDK why I'm doing this. I wasn't like this before :/ I was super excited about physics PhD and research. I loved doing research in undergrad and I am very enthusiastic about physics. Many who know me know this.
I am confident that I can do well in graduate school. I am a hard worker, love to self study and teach myself things, and I love doing research. Yet, for some reason I am feeling scared. I can't think of a better word, but I just feel scared. I am in a gap year at the moment. I spent most of this year looking for other jobs and trying to learn other things, but I kept coming back to physics. Heck, I even went and audited a QFT class for fun.
Obviously some stupid thing is "blocking me", but I want to move it out of the way. I want to feel like I used to. Last time I did research was a year ago. I used to love waking up and going to my office to work on my research. It was fun. Even when I was stuck, I was having fun. I enjoyed it. How can I get that back? I'm scared I won't ever feel that way again :/. I guess this is something internal and it's not something people can just help me with. DO you think these doubts mean that I should wait another year? I wish I could have found a prof to do research with. Unfortunately, the two schools closest to me are extremely competitive with extremely busy profs. ( I emailed a few at each with no luck) :/
So I was set. I studied and re-took the pgre. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do in graduate school. I thought about career goals. I talked to professors and graduate students. I even submitted two apps! Two schools that I would be extremely happy to attend.
Recently, out of nowhere, I am having doubts. Tomorrow is one of the main deadlines for a couple of my schools and I couldn't even get myself to look at the apps. I kept procrastinating. I kept looking for a "way out" or something else that would make me happy. IDK why I'm doing this. I wasn't like this before :/ I was super excited about physics PhD and research. I loved doing research in undergrad and I am very enthusiastic about physics. Many who know me know this.
I am confident that I can do well in graduate school. I am a hard worker, love to self study and teach myself things, and I love doing research. Yet, for some reason I am feeling scared. I can't think of a better word, but I just feel scared. I am in a gap year at the moment. I spent most of this year looking for other jobs and trying to learn other things, but I kept coming back to physics. Heck, I even went and audited a QFT class for fun.
Obviously some stupid thing is "blocking me", but I want to move it out of the way. I want to feel like I used to. Last time I did research was a year ago. I used to love waking up and going to my office to work on my research. It was fun. Even when I was stuck, I was having fun. I enjoyed it. How can I get that back? I'm scared I won't ever feel that way again :/. I guess this is something internal and it's not something people can just help me with. DO you think these doubts mean that I should wait another year? I wish I could have found a prof to do research with. Unfortunately, the two schools closest to me are extremely competitive with extremely busy profs. ( I emailed a few at each with no luck) :/