Is it ever wise to ask LOR-writer to mention specific points about me?

[Simfish]

Or maybe to ask the LOR-writer if they think I'm particularly exceptional on some trait I mention?

 

[creepypasta13]

if its part of your trait or personality, I don't think you should ask them. If its to clear up something on your background, ie did poorly for just one semester due to family emergency, etc, I think that's ok

 

[fss]

In my experience, students usually think they are more "exceptional" than they actually are.

 

[AlephZero]

It depends how you would react to the answer "no".

 

[DrummingAtom]

It depends how you would react to the answer "no".

Haha, I was thinking the same thing. I can only speak from references for jobs but only 1 of my 3 references am I close enough to honestly say "talk me up big." The others are strictly professional relationships and I have to let them say whatever they want. If I approached the others about saying something specific it might come off strange. They probably wouldn't know how to react or maybe even irritated if they assumed that I should "think for them."

Chances are if you're doing something exceptional it won't go unnoticed, but with this said I also agree with fss.

 

[Leptos]

In my experience, students usually think they are more "exceptional" than they actually are.

People just don't seem to understand that in a room full of extremely bright students, approximately half are below average.

 

[Simfish]

Okay I see - thanks for all the responses!

Well, maybe a way to gauge this would be to mention the types of schools you're applying to (and see if they comment about them). If the schools you're applying to are only in the top-10, for example, they might suggest more schools if their recommendations might not turn out to be great.

It is generally suggested, though, that you approach *all* potential LOR-writers and ask them "can you write a *strong* LOR for me?"

 

[Pengwuino]

It is generally suggested, though, that you approach *all* potential LOR-writers and ask them "can you write a *strong* LOR for me?"

I wouldn't even ask this. One of my recommenders was pretty cool and he even shows his letters to the students he's recommending. He was honest with what he wrote and I think this is how most recommenders are; they simply are going to tell the truth. If someone is going to write you a bad or "meh" letter, they'll probably just refuse to write it in the first place. Writing recommendations can be a bit of a pain, especially if you are going to apply to many departments, so I think no one would go through all that trouble if they aren't going to write you a good letter of recommendation.

Personally I doubt a graduate committee or whatever you're applying for really cares if a recommender says "he's so good at math YAY!" or something really subjective or if it's something the person really should be good at as a pre-requisite.

 

[mathwonk]

have an interview with the writer and give him/her some data about yourself. give them also a sheet summarizing your accomplishments and outside activities. anyone who agrees to write a letter is likely to want to help you, but they need as much help as you can give them. as a letter writer myself, the one thing i am likely not to need help with, is the little story about some memorable aspect of the person's interaction with me. i always try to think of something like the time the person helped me by correcting a mistake i made in class, or gave a homework solution better than mine,... the writer already has your grades, your class performance, your office interviews.

 

[Simfish]

Okay I see. Thanks for all the advice!