Learn to be a Jerk - Desperate for Change

[khemix]

i haven enough self-respect (whatever that really is) and i value myself enough. my mom is not abusive, today i just really pushed her buttons. i don't think i have issues with testosterone because i am quite aggressive otherwise (just not with people, except sometimes family). i think i have enough confidence, i talk to people on the bus all the time about weather and sports.

i don't know if i fear dissaproval, i just really emphasize with whoever i talk and read their emotions. i don't desperately want them to like me, its just that i don't want them feeling down.

What they said, you jerk! (Is this helping?)

As far as being "too nice," I sympathize. Is your nicety also combined with an ironically quick temper? Mine is.

This is me:
nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice A-HOLE sad nice nice nice nice nice

you're the only one who strikes a chord with me. yeah, i have an ironic quick temper. there will be one day where i treat people like total crap... as if i don't care, then act nice for 2 weeks.

ill try running, but i honestly don't see how it will solve any of my problems.

Being a jerk is not too pleasing to me. I'd rather have a nice guy figure out the problem. And you do have a problem with the tv repair, so just be nice like you are and allow the company to solve it. As my mother has told me before..you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

i think being a jerk is pleasing actually. i don't mean the kind that gets in your face and talks obnoxiously, but the care free attitude grabs everyones attention. its been my experience that people like jerks, as if they try extra hard to befriend them... and value them more once all the work was put in. i actually tried this out with my friend at work when we were dealing with customers. i pretended to ignore this moderately attractive girl while discussing products and she was talking to me a lot. as soon as i caved in and smiled, telling her i heard everything she said, she was gone.

anyway i don't want to become a complete a-hole, even if it gets me more friends. but i do want to be able to stick up for myself.

 

[montoyas7940]

my mom is not abusive, today i just really pushed her buttons.

Seriously, I thought you were trolling. But if you are sincere you should seek help. Your mother is abusive. Healthy people don't have a slap me button.

 

[CaptainQuasar]

my mom is not abusive, today i just really pushed her buttons.

Actually, if someone hits you and calls you a name like that over a television, or over anything else really, yeah, that's abusive. Not, like, the FBI has to be sent into your town to take every child into custody kind of abusive as in the FLDS church in Texas, but that specific event is an abusive incident. I mean you would never do that to someone else, would you? Perhaps part of the reason why you're attentive to the feelings of others is that you feel as though sometimes your mom is not attentive to your feelings.

But it sounds to me as though, separate from anything having to do with attending to other people's feelings, you have issues with being too timid. I have some timidity in my nature as well and I'd say that some of the best things that have helped me to overcome that have been cases when I've had a stupid, short-tempered boss who I've gotten into a shouting match with when I'm certain he's treating me unfairly (I've had the misfortune to have several bosses like this.) But unfortunately, I can't think of any way to reproduce that kind of experience on purpose.

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[Proton Soup]

i don't know guys, maybe this is just passive aggressive behaviour against the mom. going behind her back and trying to let the guy off for destroying her property... that's kind of a jerk thing to do when looked at from her perspective.

 

[bassplayer142]

Redemption time. Call the company and say that the guy knocked over your tv. The only way to be a jerk is to do it now and not get screwed out of 2000$!

 

[CaptainQuasar]

i don't know guys, maybe this is just passive aggressive behaviour against the mom. going behind her back and trying to let the guy off for destroying her property... that's kind of a jerk thing to do when looked at from her perspective.

Ironically, you just suggested that khemix is passive-aggressive in a passive-aggressive fashion, speaking of him in the third person as though he isn't going read what you're writing. (Not saying that what you suggest is impossible, just pointing out the irony.)

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[Proton Soup]

Ironically, you just suggested that khemix is passive-aggressive in a passive-aggressive fashion, speaking of him in the third person as though he isn't going read what you're writing. (Not saying that what you suggest is impossible, just pointing out the irony.)

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that's OK, i like irony.

 

[NeoDevin]

i haven enough self-respect (whatever that really is)

No, you clearly don't.

and i value myself enough.

Again, you clearly don't. You value the cable guy's happiness and approval over the work you/your mother put into earn the money to purchase the television.

my mom is not abusive, today i just really pushed her buttons.

Yes, she is. As a father I will say that (I hope) I will never strike my son in anger. I do believe in spanking or a slap as a punishment for some misbehavior, as long as the rules are clearly delineated beforehand. To slap your child in anger is abuse, plain and simple. If this has happened on more than one occasion, I would recommend talking to your local law enforcement about it. If this is the only time it has ever happened, I would recommend finding someone you trust to talk to about it, so at least someone outside the family knows what happened. Further, a parent calling a child a (female body part) is verbal abuse, no matter how you look at it.

i don't think i have issues with testosterone

I would speak to a doctor about this one. Maybe see if you can get an appointment with a psychologist.

because i am quite aggressive otherwise (just not with people, except sometimes family). i think i have enough confidence, i talk to people on the bus all the time about weather and sports.

Being able to make small talk is not the same as having confidence, self respect, or standing up for yourself.

i don't know if i fear dissaproval, i just really emphasize with whoever i talk and read their emotions.

You value their feelings/emotions more than your own.

i don't desperately want them to like me, its just that i don't want them feeling down.

Again, you would rather yourself feel down than them (anyone else noticing a pattern here)

yeah, i have an ironic quick temper. there will be one day where i treat people like total crap... as if i don't care, then act nice for 2 weeks.

Self esteem issues, maybe mildly bipolar? See a professional, we can't diagnose you online.

i think being a jerk is pleasing actually.

Not as pleasing as real self esteem and self respect.

i don't mean the kind that gets in your face and talks obnoxiously, but the care free attitude grabs everyones attention. its been my experience that people like jerks, as if they try extra hard to befriend them... and value them more once all the work was put in. i actually tried this out with my friend at work when we were dealing with customers. i pretended to ignore this moderately attractive girl while discussing products and she was talking to me a lot. as soon as i caved in and smiled, telling her i heard everything she said, she was gone.

I think you misperceive people who have confidence, and stand up for themselves as jerks. The two are not the same thing, get that notion out of your head.

anyway i don't want to become a complete a-hole, even if it gets me more friends. but i do want to be able to stick up for myself.

About the only sensible thing you said in this post.

Sorry if I'm being particularly blunt or tactless, but I'm being as honest as I can. Hopefully you will consider what I've written.

 

[Chi Meson]

you're the only one who strikes a chord with me. yeah, i have an ironic quick temper. there will be one day where i treat people like total crap... as if i don't care, then act nice for 2 weeks.

Too emotional, too empathetic. It's a horrible characteristic to have as an adolescent. Things will get better if you want them too, but give it time. You must must must do something that you can get good at. It doesn't need to impress everyone, but it should do more that just impress yourself. Rock climbing, mountain biking, skateboarding whatever, but don't force yourself. In the back of your head, you have to hear yourself saying, "yeah, I'd like to do that." Otherwise it's not fun, just another task.

It needs to be an endurance kind of exercise. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endorphin" do exist, and they are the cheapest anti-depressant on the market. I run. You don't have to, but everything else is more expensive. And yes, the physique you get is important.

ill try running, but i honestly don't see how it will solve any of my problems.

you may be surprised. give yourself 2 weeks, five times a week, 20 minutes, slow. Don't time anything at first, don't bother stretching or all that crap, just go, start slow. If your get tired, slow down to a crawl but don't stop.

 

[ZapperZ]

Thread locked pending moderation.

Zz.