Lost in the Social and Romantic worlds

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  • Thread starter Dougggggg
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Now a little thing I should say first, I have no problem with fitting in a group and having friends/girlfriends etc. Also perhaps I should mention I am bipolar so some things may be a bit out there from normal thought.

That being said, I sometimes do feel out of the social world. I can be in a big group of people, I can be the very life of the party, I can be the guy that all the girls want and the guys want to be, and I still feel completely distant from others. I am a bit of a head in the clouds type. Always trying to answer a question of mine. Some really philosophical in nature, some very mathematical in nature, some testing physics concepts I know in the real world (seeing how things interract). I honestly feel like I am not even worried about the same things as my friends. I don't really have the interest in small talk that all my friends do. I put up with it. In reality though, I really don't care about small trivial conversations. I do care about my friends, I really do. Though sometimes I just feel like I in no way fit in the groups at all even when they are enjoying my company.

I also can't see myself ever finding somebody who I would want to marry or be with the rest of my life. I also can't see anyone that could deal with me for the rest of their life. Relationships almost always annoy me. I'm not really motivated by sexual things either. So I really don't even know why I bother to try them at all. Though by the same token, I am terrified to be alone the rest of my life.

It feels like everyday I am getting more and more seperated from my friends. I am not really making any new ones either. I find myself simply not caring enough. I used to be so extraverted all the time (I still am to a degree). Now if I am not with people I already know, I will avoid even trying to strike up conversation. I feel this cynical feeling of not wanting to bother others or be bothered by others.

I really hate becoming as alone as I have but I also hate how I feel with other people. People that live in a completely different way. It is a strange and difficult place to be in. Anyone know what I am talking about or have any advice?
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
DaveC426913
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Are you seeing a doctor?

The advice is: get yourself in the care of your doctor. You may not be able to do this alone.
 
  • #3
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Thanks for the advice, here is the thing, I honestly don't like going to the doctor. Many times they try and tell me that I should be put on this pill and that pill. I really don't like taking antidepressants. I don't even feel like myself anymore on them. I feel almost seperated in a strangely blissful way. Like I'm watching a good movie or something. It may be nice but I feel like I have no real control over my life. Plus, I feel like my cognitive ability is gone completely.
 
  • #4
DaveC426913
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Thanks for the advice, here is the thing, I honestly don't like going to the doctor. Many times they try and tell me that I should be put on this pill and that pill. I really don't like taking antidepressants. I don't even feel like myself anymore on them. I feel almost seperated in a strangely blissful way. Like I'm watching a good movie or something. It may be nice but I feel like I have no real control over my life. Plus, I feel like my cognitive ability is gone completely.
So, you feel that, despite having written four paragraphs about how divorced you're feeling from the world around you, you're better off?
 
  • #5
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I don't want that lifestyle again. I would rather feel not divorced from the world and not on meds either, but if I had to choose, I am not taking the meds. I am not even the same person when I take them.
 
  • #6
DaveC426913
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I don't want that lifestyle again. I would rather feel not divorced from the world and not on meds either, but if I had to choose, I am not taking the meds. I am not even the same person when I take them.
1] They can be adjusted. They can be switched for others. That's how it works. Your doctor should be helping you with that. Alternately, another doctor can.

2] It is not a "lifestyle". It is your life. Accept it and face it, instead of hiding under your covers from it.

3] Even if you don't take meds, you should still have your condition monitored by a doctor to ensure you don't slip into a truly risky state.

Getting mental health issues monitored by a doctor is your obligation and responsibility, not just a choice you eschew because you "don't like" going to the doctor.
 
  • #7
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1. I have been on just a couple antidepressants and the biggest difference was some had less side effects.

2. I was talking about the lifestyle of being in a drug induced and uncomfortable bliss.

3. I am not becoming a suicide risk, I know how to control myself and have not been any type of danger to others when angry. I manage to do better than some people with the disorder and on medication.



I am starting to regret putting that little statement of having bipolar disorder because now this has become about that. That is what I am being seen as, the out of control manic depressive.
 
  • #8
I understand how you feel. I've kinda have the same issue, then I came to some conclusions. Small talk is boring because it really never brings up anything new, testing physic's laws and figuring out mathematical equation's is fun because human's are curious. And quite frankly it's more interesting. You are who you are, and if you fit perfectly in with any one of them, you would have nothing to offer the group.
If they were your friend's, they'd at least put up with your tyrants on why certain things shouldn't be in the physical world. Biology has also told me that the only reason I'm here is to pass on my genes, and that kind of stopped a good section of my philosophical questions. It's because I'm self-centered I want to know these things.

Also, on relationships, I've figured out that it's not really about physical attraction once you get close to someone. It's about actually caring for that person, caring how their life is. It's tedious to help people and do things for their favour.
Genuenly you care for the person because you admire certain traits in them(their humour, their vast knowledge of rocks and minerals, ect). Those traits make your days less lonely, and happier. And it's the memories you make together, and the fact they are so integrated in your life that their style kind of rubs off on you, and vise versa. Also, they make you feel important. Everyone has a sense of self-worth, like they have a purpose, not just a waste of space. Having that knowledge you are not useless is a pretty good feeling.

To your seperation of friends, you're gonna have to do some soul searching. Have you outgrown them so much, feel like you are suffocating and NEED to get out? Or, do you think it's worth the friendship to try and express your changes and see how they will react.(This choice would depend on how much you cared for them, how much they've cared for you, ect.)

Yeah, being with people can be a HUGE pain, one, you have to figure how to entertain them(or have something to say), two, there's some level of drama, and three, "what if I just don't want to hang out with you? What if I'd rather spend my time at home?"

But, my closest friend has a lot to say, and actually interesting things to say most of the time, I don't have to worry about having something to say. And even if it is smalltalk with her, I realize I respect her so much I've come to kind of be interested in her version of it. And I know she genuenly values my exsistance, values my qualities, will mock my weaknesses and accepts that I swing from being loud, stuttery, obnoxious, attention-whoring to quiet, boring and having nothing to say - or pissed off. (She puts up with it, and I'm thankful for having her. And I know she's thankful I put up with her crap.) I think though, it's not really about how you live the good times, it's about how you go through the bad that define your relationship with someone.

Oh, and last, don't be with someone because you can, be with them because you actually think they are worth something.
 
  • #9
DaveC426913
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1. I have been on just a couple antidepressants and the biggest difference was some had less side effects.
You keep tweaking.

Doug, the key is to balance your quality of life. You describe your life in 4 paragraphs as pretty miserable. It can be better. You just need to take responsibility. BTW, drugs are not the only solution. There are other solutions that won't leave you in the drug-induced stupor you fear.


2. I was talking about the lifestyle of being in a drug induced and uncomfortable bliss.
I know that. Using that word doesn't divest you of the responsibility to take care of your health. Your health is not an option.

3. I am not becoming a suicide risk, I know how to control myself and have not been any type of danger to others when angry. I manage to do better than some people with the disorder and on medication.
I am starting to regret putting that little statement of having bipolar disorder because now this has become about that.
This has nothing to do with bipolar. I am not "seeing" you as anything. You snapshotted your life in 4 paragraphs. What you described is not healthy, and it is not making you happy.

That is what I am being seen as, the out of control manic depressive.
Ah. This statement says volumes about what's troubling you (note that I never said any of those words. They were all floating around in your head).

You should see your doctor.
 
  • #10
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You keep tweaking.

Doug, the key is to balance your quality of life. You describe your life in 4 paragraphs as pretty miserable. It can be better. You just need to take responsibility. BTW, drugs are not the only solution. There are other solutions that won't leave you in the drug-induced stupor you fear.



I know that. Using that word doesn't divest you of the responsibility to take care of your health. Your health is not an option.



This has nothing to do with bipolar. I am not "seeing" you as anything. You snapshotted your life in 4 paragraphs. What you described is not healthy, and it is not making you happy.


Ah. This statement says volumes about what's troubling you (note that I never said any of those words. They were all floating around in your head).

You should see your doctor.
I'm sorry I assumed that is what you were thinking. Seeing the replies of "go to a doctor" is something that a lot of people say to people with bipolar disorder. So I may have misjudged your thought process entirely.

That being said, I now ask, what is it that you think a doctor could help me with?
 
  • #11
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That being said, I now ask, what is it that you think a doctor could help me with?
You are in distress, and none of us is qualified to give help to person with such issues, not even to make a diagnose of their problems.

If you are bipolar, I hope that you didn't diagnosed yourself and you was thoroughly seen by specialists, diagnosed by them, and received proper treatment at due times.

There are ppl who are qualified to help humans in your situation. Go to them, see what is going on with you, and how the situation can be improved. Ask for a second opinion always.
 
  • #12
DaveC426913
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That being said, I now ask, what is it that you think a doctor could help me with?
1] A doctor ensures an objective viewpoint. You cannot be objective about your own circumstance.
2] A doctor can work with you to hone your care to maximize your quality of life
Examples include
- tweaking existing medications (it definitely sounds like you were on too high a dose)
- trying alternate medications (some do not work on certain people, some work too well, some have exactly the opposite effect they're supposed to)
- using existing medications in conjunction with other treatents to mitigate the side effects
- non-medicinal treatments, such as changes in diet, exercise, hobbies
3] A doctor can get you access to all sorts of other resources such as counselling to help you work through the issues regardless of all the actual treatment (for example, working through your social and romantic difficulties that arise from either the condtion or from the treatment of the condition).

The key is that a doctor gives you choices you likely didn't know you had.

You, like many people, seem to have a narrow view of what GPs do. They don't just treat cuts and colds. They treat the person; they're General Practitioners.
 
  • #13
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Your other choice besides medication, is therapy. Perhaps you can to learn to like yourself for who you are. Learn to take advantage of what you may consider your weaknesses. But either way, we can not offer anything other then seeking professional help.
 
  • #14
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You are in distress, and none of us is qualified to give help to person with such issues, not even to make a diagnose of their problems.

If you are bipolar, I hope that you didn't diagnosed yourself and you was thoroughly seen by specialists, diagnosed by them, and received proper treatment at due times.

There are ppl who are qualified to help humans in your situation. Go to them, see what is going on with you, and how the situation can be improved. Ask for a second opinion always.
Is what I have stated that off from normality?

It was closer to the opposite, I went to doctors, kept getting diagnosed as bipolar and kept denying it. Finally I actually did some research on it myself and said....oh well maybe they were right. Then began the different medications, which I couldn't stand. Starting seeing different psychologists. Once I started college I stopped really wanting to go to meet with them because I had little free time as it was, and that wasn't how I wanted to spend it.

I guess this belief that seeing someone is best for me is kind of universal. Though this will be a tough pill to swallow (metaphorically that is), I guess I will give it a shot.

Edit: It appears that everything else echoes that as well. Point taken. I will call someone and set up an appointment. So should I try a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or just a regular GP?
 
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  • #15
Evo
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Psychologists can't treat you, they just talk.

Have you been to a psychiatrist? They are real medical doctors that have spent extra years studying diseases of the brain. You might find that a good psychiatrist will be more thorough and take more time to listen to your concerns and find a treatment that works. They will look at everything, your overall health, as well as emotional issues.
 
  • #16
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I guess this belief that seeing someone is best for me is kind of universal. Though this will be a tough pill to swallow (metaphorically that is), I guess I will give it a shot.

Would you prefer some quackery advice over internet to screw you even more ? The advice was sensible. It is not "about ppl of your kind". Even if I would hold a license in clinically psychology for example I would not give you any advice over internet nor would I risk to guess the cause of your issues, even if I would have a good idea .
 
  • #17
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Psychologists can't treat you, they just talk.

Have you been to a psychiatrist? They are real medical doctors that have spent extra years studying diseases of the brain. You might find that a good psychiatrist will be more thorough and take more time to listen to your concerns and find a treatment that works. They will look at everything, your overall health, as well as emotional issues.
Usually what happens is that when I meet with a Psychiatrist, one of the things they tell me to do is see a Psychologist on a regular basis.


DanP- Good point.
 
  • #18
Evo
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Usually what happens is that when I meet with a Psychiatrist, one of the things they tell me to do is see a Psychologist on a regular basis.


DanP- Good point.
Then call and question the psychiatrist first to make sure that they don't hand off patients to psychologists. There are many psychiatrists that are of the opinion that you are better off talking to your dog than a psychologist. The dog won't try to refocus your problems from you to someone in your family. Psychologists are famous for getting you to assign all of your issues to someone else, it's never your fault, it's your dad, your mom, sibling, never you. Avoid psychologists would be my only suggestion. Some close friends were really messed up by psychologists.
 
  • #19
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They have never caused me any issue, many of them just tell me thing I kinda already had some idea about. I have never left a psychologists office feeling better or more enlightened than I was when I arrived.

Oh yea, I just remembered one that tried to said that some of my problems seem to root from not ever knowing my biological father. So there is some evidence of your claim of psychologists not being a good solution.
 
  • #20
Evo
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They have never caused me any issue, many of them just tell me thing I kinda already had some idea about. I have never left a psychologists office feeling better or more enlightened than I was when I arrived.
It takes a couple of years of constant visits for them to completely mess you up. It took two years for my last friend. He was ok, now he's a pompous jerk, blaming his problems on everyone else. His psychologist has assured him that everyone is just jealous of him, and everything else is that his father didn't pay him enough attention.
 
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  • #21
DaveC426913
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Usually what happens is that when I meet with a Psychiatrist, one of the things they tell me to do is see a Psychologist on a regular basis.
Plase don't take our "sound bites" about what psychologists can and can't do for you, or whether psychiatrists are better. A forum is not the place for this kind of in-depth thing. That's why you talk to your doctor. You can say "I don't want to be medicated" and he can offer you alternates and discuss them with you - allay your fears, address your concerns - customize it to suit your specific needs.
 
  • #22
DaveC426913
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It takes a couple of yeears of constant visits for them to completely mess you up. It took two years for my last friend. He was ok, now he's a pompous jerk, blaming his problems on everyone else. His psychologist has assured him that everyone is just jeelous of him, and everything else is that his father didn't pay him enough attention.
Um. Would you say that this is the case for all psychology treatments? Is this the kind of general advice you want Doug to take away when he decides how he's going to proceed?

I have never left a psychologists office feeling better or more enlightened than I was when I arrived.
Who told you it was a magic bullet - fix anything in one session?

Of course you don't feel better. You may ber exploring deep-rooted issues that have troubled you for years. Alternately, you're going to be stepping outside your comfort zone - learning social skills and socializing in places where you're not currently comfortable. Stirring that kind of thing up is bound to get your emotions going. But that's how you break the cycle.

Question: do you honestly expect that, to successfully dig you car out of the mud, you are going to get back in your car without mud on your shoes? Do you think you're better off to stay in your car and starve, than to have your shoes temporarily dirty until you can get home?
 
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  • #23
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I just get so annoyed with the idea of paying someone to tell me things about myself I already know for the most part. They list characteristics about myself that I am fully aware of, or they list ones I just sit there in utter confusion wondering what in the world is he talking about.

I will try to get ahold of a psychiatrist, the problem is that they are usually fairly expensive and I hope I can find one that won't just recommend I see a psychologist every few weeks to "talk through my emotions." Thank you everyone for the advice, even though I was trying avoid the answer that I ended up getting. Sorry if I was a bit rude to some of you guys that have posted in here.
 
  • #24
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To Dave: I was with 2 different psychologists for time spans of 7 and 9 months. The meetings were just becoming repeats of older ones it felt like. So it wasn't just one session. If I do end up going to a psychiatrist and they recommend going to a psychologist, then I will bite the bullet and proceed against my own will.
 
  • #25
DaveC426913
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I just get so annoyed with the idea of paying someone to tell me things about myself I already know for the most part. They list characteristics about myself that I am fully aware of, or they list ones I just sit there in utter confusion wondering what in the world is he talking about.
And yet here you are, in a self-described miserable life that you don't understand how to change. If you walk out of their office, are you walking towards a better life?

The first step of psychologists will be to sort of review who you are. Some of your behaviour will be counter-productive, but it won't makes sense what you might do differently. The nuance to psychology is to help you see your blind spots (the "utter confusion") and find out why you pursue behaviours that promote a life that you know you are unhappy with.

It took a long time of your life to get here. It will take time to find your way back.
 

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