Middle Age: Breaking Comfort Zones & Starting New Adventures

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Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around the challenges and experiences of breaking out of comfort zones, particularly in middle age. Participants share personal anecdotes about trying new activities, making new friends, and the societal pressures that come with aging. The conversation touches on themes of self-reinvention, social connections, and the struggle against routine.

Discussion Character

  • Exploratory
  • Debate/contested
  • Conceptual clarification

Main Points Raised

  • One participant reflects on the tendency of middle-aged individuals to restrict themselves to age-appropriate behaviors, suggesting that routines can become overly comforting and stifling.
  • Another participant expresses a desire to reinvent themselves through new activities, such as dancing and singing, while also navigating personal changes in their life.
  • A participant shares their experience of making new friends by inviting colleagues to lunch and joining Meetup groups, indicating progress in overcoming social barriers.
  • Some participants mention the difficulty of meeting new people and the impact of financial constraints on social activities.
  • One participant humorously warns against the risks of trying new things, sharing a personal anecdote about being put in "jail" for their actions.
  • Another participant discusses plans for a family trip to Ecuador, considering it as a potential retirement destination and highlighting the need to adapt to new environments.
  • A participant notes their ease in meeting new people, contrasting with others who find it challenging.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants express a mix of agreement and differing experiences regarding the challenges of making new friends and stepping out of comfort zones. While some share success stories, others highlight ongoing difficulties, indicating that the discussion remains unresolved with multiple perspectives present.

Contextual Notes

Some participants reference personal experiences that may depend on individual circumstances, such as financial situations and social environments, which could influence their ability to engage in new activities or friendships.

Who May Find This Useful

This discussion may be of interest to individuals navigating middle age, those seeking to expand their social circles, or anyone interested in personal growth and self-reinvention.

lisab
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A while back, there was a thread about how difficult it is to start new friendships as an adult. There were many thoughtful posts there…one in particular caught my attention and got me thinking about aging in general:

Zooby said:
(Middle age people) are busy being old: increasingly mentally restricting themselves to behaviors and attitudes they think are age appropriate for them.

https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=2518422&postcount=20"

Sigh…oh my, so familiar! I’ve found this to be sadly accurate of a lot of people once they get to middle age. Routines are comforting at every age, but in middle age they can become sacrosanct and inviolable. They can be soothing, but also like heroine to our spirits, turning us into effete, automated machines that get grouchy when we're out of our safe little ruts.

I wish I was immune from this but I feel the pull too, the way a comfy bed calls you when you’re tired. To counter it, I force myself to take risks. Now I’m not talking about doing stupid things. I mean, doing the kind of things that surprise my friends and family when they hear about it (for example, belly dancing lessons, haha :blushing:).

I’m directing this thread to anyone who fights against tedium, but mostly middle aged people, since it seems that’s when it becomes harder to take risks.

So are there any PFers working to get out of the comfort zone? How?
 
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I am too young but seems like it is very hard to do something new for me.
 
Yeah Lisab, I'm thinking of reinventing myself by doing new things. One, I think I must be already a wergin again like Madonna so I can probably marry royalty. :smile:
In reality I have taken up Michael Jackson again. Dancing and singing. Being cool. I cool.
My husband is going orthodox on me so I will be ...being cool in a long dress, but I still be cool. I was also just watching CNN and there is a younger woman who is helping folks like us live longer at home. I may give up a "power nap" or two to go help her out... While I still can. :rolleyes:
Thanks for asking ... Now, "Who's Bad?" :biggrin:
 
I got put in "jail" for doing what you suggest. So my advice is be careful and don't let any of the other adults see you doing it.
Also I don't agree with your efforts to resist your bed. If you remember when you where a kid if you felt tired you where probably willing to sleep regardless to what was going on around you. I myself only sleep when I am feeling tired this means I for the most part have no sleep pattern besides random and take naps when ever I feel like it. Actually I am about to go take one now...
 
I am trying to save money so I have become a hermit. I used to love to go out to bars and shoot pool. Met many an interesting character I met that way.
 
I think that was me who made the thread complaining about having trouble making friends, and resolving to try harder this year. I've been making some progress. I invited two new people to lunch last month - both women who work on campus but in different departments. Both accepted and we had a really nice time. I also have plans with two coworkers in my division, one is going to lunch with me and another is going with me to a comedy club. And one of my old pals who lives far from me now is going to be in town next weekend and we are going to the movies. I also joined several Meetup groups, but haven't had time to do any of them because I have been busy with a class (the class has provided a bit of networking and new friends, as well).

So, I'm happy to report I did get a little bit done on my New Years resolution. :smile:
 
Math Is Hard said:
I think that was me who made the thread complaining about having trouble making friends, and resolving to try harder this year. I've been making some progress. I invited two new people to lunch last month - both women who work on campus but in different departments. Both accepted and we had a really nice time. I also have plans with two coworkers in my division, one is going to lunch with me and another is going with me to a comedy club. And one of my old pals who lives far from me now is going to be in town next weekend and we are going to the movies. I also joined several Meetup groups, but haven't had time to do any of them because I have been busy with a class (the class has provided a bit of networking and new friends, as well).

So, I'm happy to report I did get a little bit done on my New Years resolution. :smile:

No new cats then? :-(
 
magpies said:
I got put in "jail" for doing what you suggest. So my advice is be careful and don't let any of the other adults see you doing it.
Also I don't agree with your efforts to resist your bed. If you remember when you where a kid if you felt tired you where probably willing to sleep regardless to what was going on around you. I myself only sleep when I am feeling tired this means I for the most part have no sleep pattern besides random and take naps when ever I feel like it. Actually I am about to go take one now...

The bed thingy was a metaphor :-p. I get plenty of sleep every night!
 
Math Is Hard said:
I think that was me who made the thread complaining about having trouble making friends, and resolving to try harder this year. I've been making some progress. I invited two new people to lunch last month - both women who work on campus but in different departments. Both accepted and we had a really nice time. I also have plans with two coworkers in my division, one is going to lunch with me and another is going with me to a comedy club. And one of my old pals who lives far from me now is going to be in town next weekend and we are going to the movies. I also joined several Meetup groups, but haven't had time to do any of them because I have been busy with a class (the class has provided a bit of networking and new friends, as well).

So, I'm happy to report I did get a little bit done on my New Years resolution. :smile:

Excellent! That's just the kind of risk taking that gets harder for me. I took a class too, and I think I was older than the professor. Which is fine, maybe I can follow Zooby's lead and make friends with younger people.
 
  • #10
The family is going to Ecuador this summer. I have to come back to work so I'll only be there for a week. But my wife and son will stay for 3 weeks. We are going to scope out the place for possible retirement there. Apparently there is a large expat community there. I'll have to brush up on my Spanish. "Escuchame bien!", "A mi manera", etc.
 
  • #11
I meet new people all the time. I've never had trouble meeting people or making new friends.

Work is very busy these days. It's challenging, at times a bit overwhelming, but we still manage to have fun.
 
  • #12
Jimmy Snyder said:
The family is going to Ecuador this summer. I have to come back to work so I'll only be there for a week. But my wife and son will stay for 3 weeks. We are going to scope out the place for possible retirement there. Apparently there is a large expat community there. I'll have to brush up on my Spanish. "Escuchame bien!", "A mi manera", etc.

Uno cerveza mas, por favor.

I've heard the same about Costa Rica...it sounds like a great place. Except, a friend of mine did have a bit of a mishap there - his wife hit a monkey while driving.

So watch out for monkeys, Jimmy!
 
  • #13
TheStatutoryApe said:
No new cats then? :-(

Not yet. I am planning to move, so I don't want to take on more animals until I know what the new policies will be.
 
  • #14
Lacy33 said:
Yeah Lisab, I'm thinking of reinventing myself by doing new things. One, I think I must be already a wergin again like Madonna so I can probably marry royalty. :smile:
In reality I have taken up Michael Jackson again. Dancing and singing. Being cool. I cool.
My husband is going orthodox on me so I will be ...being cool in a long dress, but I still be cool. I was also just watching CNN and there is a younger woman who is helping folks like us live longer at home. I may give up a "power nap" or two to go help her out... While I still can. :rolleyes:
Thanks for asking ... Now, "Who's Bad?" :biggrin:

Greg can teach you the Thriller dance.

Now, where did that video go?
 
  • #15
lisab said:
So watch out for monkeys, Jimmy!
Apparently monkeys are as common in Ecuador as people are in North Jersey.
 
  • #16
lisab--when I read your post, my first thought was--'What is she going to do?'------it sounds like you have something in mind already (like a list, but with one thing nearer the top of the list)----


soooooo, is it something like going to Marrakesh to learn belly dancing the old fashion way?
 
  • #17
Math Is Hard said:
Greg can teach you the Thriller dance.

Now, where did that video go?

I saw that video. That's why... :blushing: Eventually I wrote to Greg and asked him about the way the young people he knows feel about MJ and that is kinda how I got started back up.
I guess i would say Greg started it, but I don't think Greg wasn't yet here when we were first singing and dancing with Michael. OK,... "Who's Bad?" :-p
 
  • #18
rewebster said:
lisab--when I read your post, my first thought was--'What is she going to do?'------it sounds like you have something in mind already (like a list, but with one thing nearer the top of the list)----


soooooo, is it something like going to Marrakesh to learn belly dancing the old fashion way?

Well, like most people, I have a list in my head of "I want to do that someday". That list doesn't have Marrakesh on it...but maybe it should :biggrin:!

No, I have nothing particular in mind. I'm just trying avoid being too risk-averse in my old age.
 
  • #19
I make plans several times a month to go see live music. Sometimes its with my younger friends, and then friends my age, but I also have friends who are over 70.

I don't have a problem making friends. When I am forced to eat alone, I approach someone else who is eating alone, and ask to join them. I have never been refused, but a few times they were so odd I sort of regretted it.
 
  • #20
hypatia said:
I don't have a problem making friends. When I am forced to eat alone, I approach someone else who is eating alone, and ask to join them. I have never been refused, but a few times they were so odd I sort of regretted it.

That's so great Hypatia. I wish I could be so bold.
 
  • #21
hypatia said:
I don't have a problem making friends. When I am forced to eat alone, I approach someone else who is eating alone, and ask to join them. I have never been refused, but a few times they were so odd I sort of regretted it.

I have a feeling this habit may not work as well for approximately 50% of the population...
 
  • #22
DaveC426913 said:
I have a feeling this habit may not work as well for approximately 50% of the population...

you know, you may be right Dave.
 
  • #23
maudlynne said:
you know, you may be right Dave.

what that means? you may be right -- > you may not be right?
 
  • #24
After twenty years, I changed coffee brands.
 
  • #25
rootX said:
what that means? you may be right -- > you may not be right?

I suspect that, if I walked up to a stranger and asked if I could join them for lunch, I might not have quite as much luck as Hyp. I suspect you may have the same experience. Also, Ivan. Jimmy. Astro...
 
  • #26
I moored my Southwind under sail. No motor.

Which is not so awesome, but...

Today I did it single-handed.

One hand for tiller, one hand for sail, one hand for boat hook.
 
  • #27
lisab said:
A while back, there was a thread about how difficult it is to start new friendships as an adult. There were many thoughtful posts there…one in particular caught my attention and got me thinking about aging in general:



https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=2518422&postcount=20"

Sigh…oh my, so familiar! I’ve found this to be sadly accurate of a lot of people once they get to middle age. Routines are comforting at every age, but in middle age they can become sacrosanct and inviolable. They can be soothing, but also like heroine to our spirits, turning us into effete, automated machines that get grouchy when we're out of our safe little ruts.

I wish I was immune from this but I feel the pull too, the way a comfy bed calls you when you’re tired. To counter it, I force myself to take risks. Now I’m not talking about doing stupid things. I mean, doing the kind of things that surprise my friends and family when they hear about it (for example, belly dancing lessons, haha :blushing:).

I’m directing this thread to anyone who fights against tedium, but mostly middle aged people, since it seems that’s when it becomes harder to take risks.

So are there any PFers working to get out of the comfort zone? How?

Im only 37 so quite far away from mid-life, but anyway, ill give you my 2 cents.

It's the devastating effect of a snobbish, "I know better", society. Attitudes "appropriate for an age" are the result of the pressure of conformity, coming from the gross mass of social material, who are nothing but a bunch of inert slugs, and what's sad, they are even proud of what they are.

I don't find hard to meet ppl. Social contact is natural, so the only thing you have to do is keep an open mind and the possibilities will present themselves everywhere. During work, at the gym, in holidays, just about everywhere to be honest.

As for fighting the personal inertia, it is my belief that keeping an active life does the trick. You become lazy and inert when you stop too long time in a place. Comfort rears it's ugly head and before you know you are lost. You became part of the inert mass. So the idea is to keep on going, and train yourself to be oblivious to the social pressure to conform.

And ill post once again one of my fav quotes, this is from M. Twain:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
 
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  • #28
DaveC426913 said:
I suspect that, if I walked up to a stranger and asked if I could join them for lunch, I might not have quite as much luck as Hyp. I suspect you may have the same experience. Also, Ivan. Jimmy. Astro...

Obviously, it's that interesting purple hairdo that Hypatia has. :wink:

Edit: I'm sure that Borek wouldn't have any trouble at all.
 
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  • #29
DaveC426913 said:
Jimmy.
When I was younger, I was quite shy of women. I got this one piece of advice: Before you strike up a conversation with a woman, already have an exit strategy (women, this works with men). If you get flustered and nervous and sure that you are going to blurt out the wrong thing, cut and run. Suddenly remember an appointment with your financial advisor or something. I put this plan into action and overcame my shyness. I learned that people love to talk about themselves and all it takes for a successful encounter is to draw them out. Be genuinely interested in them and what they are experiencing and you will soon be on the right side of that 50% figure.
 
  • #30
Jimmy Snyder said:
When I was younger, I was quite shy of women. I got this one piece of advice: Before you strike up a conversation with a woman, already have an exit strategy (women, this works with men). If you get flustered and nervous and sure that you are going to blurt out the wrong thing, cut and run.

Whats the value of this, apart of (apparently) saving face ? Say the damn wrong thing, we all do :smile: