Ranting about parents

  • #26
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I'm 40 and have already lost both of my parents. Treasure them.
 
  • #27
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Personally I find it somewhat pathetic that someone who is 21 is still complaining about their parents. If they bother you so much, move out and reduce contact with them. Simple.
+1
 
  • #28
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Personally I find it somewhat pathetic that someone who is 21 is still complaining about their parents. If they bother you so much, move out and reduce contact with them. Simple.

Not everybody lives in America.
 
  • #29
QuantumQuest
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How would you feel if you're 21 and your parents still treat you like you're their 5 year old baby?

How would you feel if you were 21 having no parents? Would it be better? I can tell you if you want to - even now at my 50 and having my own family. Parents are always parents. Pay respect to them. In the end, if you want to be independent then so be it. But don't forget your parents.
 
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  • #30
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How would you feel if you were 21 having no parents? Would it be better? I can tell you if you want to - even now at my 50 and having my own family. Parents are always parents. Pay respect to them. In the end, if you want to be independent then so be it. But don't forget your parents.

Having no parents sucks. My wife lost both of hers as well. No baby advice, no taking the kid to see grandma, and no backup plan if we screw up and need money or a place to stay! People really don't know how good they have it.

-Dave K
 
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  • #32
Student100
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What part of that is an American thing?

Different cultures practice different things/some areas of the world are expensive.

In Japan, it was common for women, atleast the ones i knew, to live with their parents until marriage - due to housing costs/culture i suppose.

I dont really know, but assume this was MM's point.
 
  • #33
russ_watters
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Different cultures practice different things...
I'm aware, but I didn't see a specific part of the post that triggered a recognition of such a difference. Hopefully @micromass wasn't saying that people outside of the US take longer to grow-up than Americans!
....some areas of the world are expensive.
As are some areas of the US, but the OP's concerns didn't appear to me to be about the issue of expenses.

I would hope that in any country a 21 year old would be old/mature enough to understand the score regarding their choices and relationship with their parents - whatever they may be - but I recognize that many are not.
 
  • #34
HAYAO
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I'm aware, but I didn't see a specific part of the post that triggered a recognition of such a difference. Hopefully @micromass wasn't saying that people outside of the US take longer to grow-up than Americans!

As are some areas of the US, but the OP's concerns didn't appear to me to be about the issue of expenses.

I would hope that in any country a 21 year old would be old/mature enough to understand the score regarding their choices and relationship with their parents - whatever they may be - but I recognize that many are not.

Actually, in places like Japan, students have little to no hope of financially supporting themselves if they are a student. There are hardly any scholarships in Japan so one must almost always have to depend on their parents for financial support. I believe this is part of the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age in terms of responsibility and maturity. Because they are not obliged to work on their own and support themselves, they feel less responsible for the consequences and overreliant on other people. Even Ph.D candidates don't get paid whatsoever unless you apply for some program, which only very small number of people get accepted.

Japanese parents generally interfere quite a lot with their children's affair, no matter how old they are. Culturally, Japanese tend to prioritize group/society more than the individual and prioritize older people than younger people. So Japanese parents believe they have the right to order, in any way they want, their children to fit their own desires for their children. So if you have parents that have a different view than you do, then you are going to have a lot of problems in your life.
I believe this is also the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age because basically they are forced to do what their parents and society say, and cannot think for their own.

It is quite strange to me that Japanese people will call someone "mature" if they learn to do exactly the same thing as other people do, and prioritize other people over themselves. Personally, I think that is stupid because they are basically throwing away their ability to think for themselves and succumb to their parents and society, regardless of whether they may be right or wrong.
 
  • #35
StatGuy2000
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Actually, in places like Japan, students have little to no hope of financially supporting themselves if they are a student. There are hardly any scholarships in Japan so one must almost always have to depend on their parents for financial support. I believe this is part of the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age in terms of responsibility and maturity. Because they are not obliged to work on their own and support themselves, they feel less responsible for the consequences and overreliant on other people. Even Ph.D candidates don't get paid whatsoever unless you apply for some program, which only very small number of people get accepted.

Japanese parents generally interfere quite a lot with their children's affair, no matter how old they are. Culturally, Japanese tend to prioritize group/society more than the individual and prioritize older people than younger people. So Japanese parents believe they have the right to order, in any way they want, their children to fit their own desires for their children. So if you have parents that have a different view than you do, then you are going to have a lot of problems in your life.
I believe this is also the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age because basically they are forced to do what their parents and society say, and cannot think for their own.

It is quite strange to me that Japanese people will call someone "mature" if they learn to do exactly the same thing as other people do, and prioritize other people over themselves. Personally, I think that is stupid because they are basically throwing away their ability to think for themselves and succumb to their parents and society, regardless of whether they may be right or wrong.

For your information, Japanese students have access to financial aid in the form of grants or low-interest loans to help cover the costs of university -- my cousins had access to these when they attended university years ago. So it's not as if Japanese students have no hope whatsoever to support themselves if they are a student.

[As an aside, I believe I have this disclosed this already, but I am half-American, half-Japanese, and am a dual Canadian/American citizen.]
 
  • #36
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For your information, Japanese students have access to financial aid in the form of grants or low-interest loans to help cover the costs of university -- my cousins had access to these when they attended university years ago. So it's not as if Japanese students have no hope whatsoever to support themselves if they are a student.

[As an aside, I believe I have this disclosed this already, but I am half-American, half-Japanese, and am a dual Canadian/American citizen.]

Well, I'm Japanese and I know the situation well.

If you are extremely poor, then most of the time, tuition fees are exempted to some degrees, depending on the level of poverty. And yes, Japan also do have low-interest loans. Grants? Not so much. It is usually specialized or has some sort of restriction for applying, or there may be a restriction that applies after you finished getting your degree.

The problem is, all these grants are for people who are in middle class to extreme poverty. It doesn't really matter how smart you are, if you don't meet the criteria, then you can't get them. One of the complicated situation is where your parents, despite being wealthy, won't let you go to college. If you are smart and can get some sort of scholarships, then you don't need your parents to go to college. In Japan, it doesn't work that way. If your parents are rich, and they won't pay, then there's really no other way get enough money to go to college other than working at the same time, or getting a job then go to college.

Loans are actually quite complicated. If you are underaged, you need your parents' consent. If you parents refuse, then you'll have to use the surety company. That comes with more complications. Some loans ask you to be financially independent, which requires some paperwork that includes your parents having to have to do something. If they refuse, then you can't do anything about it.


I've actually lived a year working while going to college to pay full of my fees. Boy, that was tough. My parents and I had some arguments over a lot of things, and they basically disowned me (there is no legal way to disown, so it remains informal). Scholarships and low-interest loan didn't work because I needed information on my parents' income, which my parents refused to give me. My parents were fairly rich too, so I really had no hope of having some sort of exemption or getting scholarships. Eventually, my siblings mediated and now my parents and I are on good terms. They also paid for my master's course (in Japan, Ph.D course and Masters course is separate). But I lived off wasted food of convenience store that I worked in during my undergrad course. I wonder what would've happened if I didn't live in the dorms (much cheaper). I'm in Ph.D course right now and I am one of those few that gets paid by the government, so I don't need to worry about my parents anymore. I did work my ass off to get that, though.

I did tons of research on this. Trust me. It's not as simple as it may seem if you look at the details.
 
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  • #37
StatGuy2000
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Well, I'm Japanese and I know the situation well.

If you are extremely poor, then most of the time, tuition fees are exempted to some degrees, depending on the level of poverty. And yes, Japan also do have low-interest loans. Grants? Not so much. It is usually specialized or has some sort of restriction for applying, or there may be a restriction that applies after you finished getting your degree.

The problem is, all these grants are for people who are in middle class to extreme poverty. It doesn't really matter how smart you are, if you don't meet the criteria, then you can't get them. One of the complicated situation is where your parents, despite being wealthy, won't let you go to college. If you are smart and can get some sort of scholarships, then you don't need your parents to go to college. In Japan, it doesn't work that way. If your parents are rich, and they won't pay, then there's really no other way get enough money to go to college other than working at the same time, or getting a job then go to college.

Loans are actually quite complicated. If you are underaged, you need your parents' consent. If you parents refuse, then you'll have to use the surety company. That comes with more complications. Some loans ask you to be financially independent, which requires some paperwork that includes your parents having to have to do something. If they refuse, then you can't do anything about it.


I've actually lived a year working while going to college to pay full of my fees. Boy, that was tough. My parents and I had some arguments over a lot of things, and they basically disowned me (there is no legal way to disown, so it remains informal). Scholarships and low-interest loan didn't work because I needed information on my parents' income, which my parents refused to give me. My parents were fairly rich too, so I really had no hope of having some sort of exemption or getting scholarships. Eventually, my siblings mediated and now my parents and I are on good terms. They also paid for my master's course (in Japan, Ph.D course and Masters course is separate). But I lived off wasted food of convenience store that I worked in during my undergrad course. I wonder what would've happened if I didn't live in the dorms (much cheaper). I'm in Ph.D course right now and I am one of those few that gets paid by the government, so I don't need to worry about my parents anymore. I did work my ass off to get that, though.

I did tons of research on this. Trust me. It's not as simple as it may seem if you look at the details.

Ah, I see your situation. My cousins fell into the "middle class" category -- my aunt was divorced, and there was no way that she alone could be able to afford to send my cousins to university, even had my cousins passed the entrance examinations required to enter, hence the low-interest loans. So I suppose my cousins would have qualified for the conditions you speak of.

I find it rather surprising though that there are people in Japan who, despite being wealthy, won't let their children go to university. Japanese culture has traditionally placed a great deal of importance on education, and parents often look on their children's academic performance as a reflection of their own success in society. It is (or was) quite common for parents to put pressure on their children to succeed in school and pass the examinations which will allow them to go to university (hence the phenomenon of shiken jigoku, or "examination hell").
 
  • #38
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Normally, I tend to take these posts at face value. But the OP is a long-time member who has recently changed his user name. As I said here, there is a history of treating people who help poorly. So I am not surprised if he is receiving, shall we say additional parental attention. Irrespective of his country of origin and residence.
 
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