Mayim Bialik's Son May Sleep in Her Bed Until He's 7 Years Old

[Evo]

Sorry, An eight year old boy still breastfeeding?

A 12 year old sleeping with their parents? While they're having sex?

http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/05/21/photos-inside-time-magazines-are-you-mom-enough-issue/

Mayim Bialik's Son May Sleep in Her Bed Until He's 7 Years Old
Friday, May 18, 2012 7:52PM

"How long do you think your child will sleep in your bed?" Anderson Cooper asks "Big Bang Theory" star Mayim Bialik.

"I am told somewhere around five to seven... it may shift," says the attachment parenting advocate.

On Monday, Bialik joins Anderson and Co-Host Monday guest Rebecca Romijn to discuss the controversial Time magazine story that sparked a national debate about attachment parenting.

Bialik has written a new book, "Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way," and answers Anderson and Rebecca's questions about the principles of the practice.

Should children sleep in the same bed as their parents?

Bialik continues, "We have two beds on the floor next to each other. And honestly, there is a natural desire for independence at night that does come."
"Most adults, you know, do not want to sleep alone -- it's not normal," says Bialik. "It is normal to be close to someone who loves you at night. There's nothing weird about it."

http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/05/18/mayim-bihalik-son-may-sleep-in-her-bed-until-he-is-7-years-old

What do you think about this?

 

[jedishrfu]

I look at it as a fad, the fashion of the moment. Parents who felt they were raised wrongly trying to be more loving, more attached to their kids. Time will tell whether its an effective strategy or not. I guess you could compare this to traditional rearing of Inuit and Sami children raised in a compassionate and gentle way, promoting the cooperative nature of their community and frowning on anger and violence. Although I don't know how long they are suckled.

I think this discussion goes along with the Tiger Mom and Dad fad/discussion with parents who somehow live through their kids successes using the excuse that its a tough world out there and your kids must be the best to succeed. (ends justify the means)

 

[dipole]

For thousands of years families have shared one or two beds, maybe with the young children in the parents bed and the older children together in a second bed. Of course when and where you are in the world has a big influence, but honestly it doesn't seem all the strange to me.

Would I want to sleep in bed with my wife and a child? No, but that's because adults need "adult time" and in our culture we shelter kids from that stuff. In other cultures, kids may not be so sheltered.

 

[Evo]

For thousands of years families have shared one or two beds, maybe with the young children in the parents bed and the older children together in a second bed. Of course when and where you are in the world has a big influence, but honestly it doesn't seem all the strange to me.

Would I want to sleep in bed with my wife and a child? No, but that's because adults need "adult time" and in our culture we shelter kids from that stuff. In other cultures, kids may not be so sheltered.

Does media such as tv and movies and what their peers deem acceptable matter to how they adjust?

I don't believe that their are nutritional reasons to nurse beyond 18-24 months.

I remember a guy I dated that had a mother that had no boundaries. She would undress in front of him at age 6 and he said he would get sexually aroused. THAT'S WRONG.

 

[dipole]

Well the nursing thing is a different story, but don't you think there's a big difference between your example and sharing a bed? Also, sexual arousal has a lot to do with culture, in many traditional African tribes where women don't wear shirts, men aren't constantly aroused at the sight of breasts, where as in America they probably would be because bare breasts are instantly associated with sex.

My main concern with the whole thing would be whether or not I'd be raising a wussy momma's boy who'll never learn full independence. Though there's plenty of people like that today who didn't benefit from "attachment parenting", so who knows?

 

[Evo]

I don't think in our modern culture of sexual taboos that having small children be involved in their parent's having sex is healthy. i think it can be very problamatic for children.

Back when children shared beds with sexually active parents, children were getting married at age 12.

 

[dipole]

So you're saying the mixed signals between society and what they experience at home is the cause of problems, not so much the experiences themselves?

That makes a lot of sense, but I'm no psychologist.

 

[Jack21222]

I don't think in our modern culture of sexual taboos that having small children be involved in their parent's having sex is healthy.

Did she mention this in one of the videos on the site? I didn't see it in the text, and I can't be bothered to watch the videos.

 

[lisab]

I think this style of parenting may confuse kids as they try to establish appropriate personal boundaries (wow that sounds so pop-psych, haha).

At best, the kid has to struggle to become independent. Basically they have to go through a "break up" at the same time they're trying to learn to fly on their own.

At worst, the kid never does achieve independence. He (she) becomes odd and incompetent.

Grand exaggerations maybe, but I can see that kind of outcome.

Something is not quite right about parents who choose this. Get a life, folks!

 

[lisab]

I don't think in our modern culture of sexual taboos that having small children be involved in their parent's having sex is healthy. i think it can be very problamatic for children.

Back when children shared beds with sexually active parents, children were getting married at age 12.

Excellent point - we have to raise kids who can function in *today's* society, not the middle ages.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

I don't see any benefit to this. There are ways to become emotionally attached to your children without sharing a bed until near teenage years. Children need space to grow independantly, having their own bed and own room is a big part of that.

 

[Ken Natton]

This reminds me of an account I once read of the upbringing of the children of the British philosopher Bertrand Russell. He believed that children should be allowed to express themselves just however they wanted to and that all the rules and strictures normally placed on children just stifled their natural expression and creativity. Some of the tales of what went on at the Russell household did trouble social workers and there was some controversy, because at some level, people wondered if he was on to something – I suppose because of his reputation for having an unusual intellect. But the reality was that his children were deeply unhappy. Analysts pointed out that children actually want rules and boundaries, because, at some level, those rules and boundaries are the tangible proof that they are loved.

The whole of childhood is about the gradual gaining of ever greater independence to the point where you can safely live a completely independent life. There is plenty of evidence of the damaging effects on the long term happiness of people who cling to the apron strings for too long. There is a famous, wonderful passage in Laurie Lee’s Cider with Rosie when he evokes the extreme childhood pleasure of being allowed to sleep in his mother’s bed. But it is clear that it was an entirely childish pleasure, and it was also clear that its time passed. Tales I have heard from parents of allowing their child to come into their bed because of night time upset have invariably been of the realisation that it was a big mistake.

 

[daveb]

I don't believe that their are nutritional reasons to nurse beyond 18-24 months.

When I took my anthropology class, we studied the Kung! of Africa, and the mothers there breast feed until around 4 years old. Nutritionally, I suppose it isn't necessary, but )at least according to the book we used), it had amultitude of practical purposes.

 

[Evo]

When I took my anthropology class, we studied the Kung! of Africa, and the mothers there breast feed until around 4 years old. Nutritionally, I suppose it isn't necessary, but )at least according to the book we used), it had amultitude of practical purposes.

In areas where there is a lack of nutritional food, a longer period of breast feeding makes sense. In most modern countries, there are sufficient nutritional foods available where breast feeding for years is not necessary.

 

[Danger]

Back when children shared beds with sexually active parents, children were getting married at age 12.

Well, they're sexually active at that age these days. I first became a great-granduncle over 15 years ago when my sister's 11-year-old granddaughter spawned. (There was nothing illegal or abusive about it; the father was a year or two older. All involved are doing fine, and the parents are still friends although not a couple.)
The appropriateness of anything is determined strictly by the culture in which it occurs.

 

[xxChrisxx]

Bitty.

 

[Danger]

Bitty.

 

[xxChrisxx]

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/941448/son_wants_bitty_in_restuarant/

 

[Ken Natton]

Its a Little Britain reference. I have a strong feeling I've mentioned them before on these forums in another context. Anyway, it was a comedy sketch show that started on British radio and graduated to television, in which the two very versatile actors created a series of characters, all of whom presented a serious challenge to convention and accepted norms in different ways. It included a mature man who would demand that his middle aged mother breast fed him by saying 'bitty'.

 

[Danger]

Thanks, Chris.

Its a Little Britain reference.

Actually, I recognized the sketch as soon as I looked at the video. That's a bit coincidental, since none of the stations on my cable carry the show.
A couple of years ago, friends of my mother had me over for X-mas supper (peculiar, since they know that I'm an Atheist and don't celebrate it). Prim and proper couple, of course, although merely a few years older than me. After supper, we retreated to the living room and watched a couple of hours of "Little Britain" tapes. It's not my style of humour, for the most part, but very well done. My favourite Brit comedies, that came on accessible channels, were "The Good Life" and "The Two Ronnies". ("Monty" goes without saying...) "Benny Hill" was a toss-up; sometimes it was great and sometimes it sucked, but in either case it came on only once a month.
We now return you to your regular programming.

 

[Ken Natton]

Actually, I recognized the sketch as soon as I looked at the video.

I guessed that you might not be the only one who was confused by the post and I am aware that not everyone likes to follow every link that is posted. That is why I thought it might be useful to offer a few explanatory words as well.

It's not my style of humour, for the most part...

Yes, at risk of moderator wrath for being off topic, I always found Little Britain to be somewhat Sledgehammer humour. The same two actors created another series in which they created a series of characters who all worked on the same airport. These characters were all much more subtle and, for me, much funnier.



Back on topic, I have another distant memory that also impinges on this discussion. It is of a foreign language film – I’m sorry, I don’t remember the title – that showed on British television some years ago. It was a film based on a memoir that, like Cider with Rosie, was written by a mature man recalling his childhood memories. This one was set in one of the North African states – Morocco or Algeria perhaps – where strictures on contact between men and women are much stronger than they are here in the West. One memory recounted was of being taken by his mother to communal baths – of the Turkish type, lots of steam rooms and such like. Women would take their young children with them, and while they were very young this was of no concern to anyone. But he recalls how his mother continued to take him along after his interest in the women’s bodies had begun to change. Eventually, it was other women who began to object to his presence, suggesting that he was much too old to be coming to the lady’s baths. It was actually quite a telling portrayal of this whole question of just what is and isn’t appropriate, of what is a matter of culture and what is perhaps universally human.

 

[Danger]

It is of a foreign language film – I’m sorry, I don’t remember the title – that showed on British television some years ago.

That reminds me of another foreign film (French/Spanish) that is extremely relevant to this thread. At the risk of being censored, I'll type the title: "The Tit and the Moon". I've never seen the whole thing; I just downloaded the naked pictures of Mathilda May because she's gorgeous. Anyhow, the whole movie is about a 9-year-old boy who is so jealous of his baby brother's tit privileges that he seeks out lactating women and clamps a lip-lock onto any who will accept him. It's a bit odd.

 

[ThomasT]

What do you think about this?

I think it's weird, and I'm glad it didn't happen in my family. Beyond that I don't want to think about it.

 

[Carolily531]

Why are people so judgmental about how parents choose to raise their kids? Breastfeeding may not be "necessary" but there's a lot more to breastfeeding than nutrition. Leave mothers ALONE! They need to make the decision about what is best for the child. I assure you the child will let the mom know when he or she doesn't want the breast any more! No child was ever damaged because he or she nursed until they were 3 or even 5. It's more YOUR problem than it is the problem between the mother and the child.

 

[Lord_Sidious]

Why are people so judgmental about how parents choose to raise their kids? Breastfeeding may not be "necessary" but there's a lot more to breastfeeding than nutrition. Leave mothers ALONE! They need to make the decision about what is best for the child. I assure you the child will let the mom know when he or she doesn't want the breast any more! No child was ever damaged because he or she nursed until they were 3 or even 5. It's more YOUR problem than it is the problem between the mother and the child.

How do you know that no child has ever been damaged by this?