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Mayim Bialik's Son May Sleep in Her Bed Until He's 7 Years Old

  1. May 21, 2012 #1

    Evo

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    Sorry, An eight year old boy still breastfeeding?

    A 12 year old sleeping with their parents? While they're having sex?

    http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/05/21/photos-inside-time-magazines-are-you-mom-enough-issue/ [Broken]

    http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/05/18/mayim-bihalik-son-may-sleep-in-her-bed-until-he-is-7-years-old [Broken]

    What do you think about this?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2017
  2. jcsd
  3. May 21, 2012 #2

    jedishrfu

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    I look at it as a fad, the fashion of the moment. Parents who felt they were raised wrongly trying to be more loving, more attached to their kids. Time will tell whether its an effective strategy or not. I guess you could compare this to traditional rearing of Inuit and Sami children raised in a compassionate and gentle way, promoting the cooperative nature of thier community and frowning on anger and violence. Although I don't know how long they are suckled.

    I think this discussion goes along with the Tiger Mom and Dad fad/discussion with parents who somehow live through their kids successes using the excuse that its a tough world out there and your kids must be the best to succeed. (ends justify the means)
     
  4. May 21, 2012 #3
    For thousands of years families have shared one or two beds, maybe with the young children in the parents bed and the older children together in a second bed. Of course when and where you are in the world has a big influence, but honestly it doesn't seem all the strange to me.

    Would I want to sleep in bed with my wife and a child? No, but that's because adults need "adult time" and in our culture we shelter kids from that stuff. In other cultures, kids may not be so sheltered.
     
  5. May 21, 2012 #4

    Evo

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    Does media such as tv and movies and what their peers deem acceptable matter to how they adjust?

    I don't beleive that their are nutritional reasons to nurse beyond 18-24 months.

    I remember a guy I dated that had a mother that had no boundaries. She would undress in front of him at age 6 and he said he would get sexually aroused. THAT'S WRONG.
     
  6. May 21, 2012 #5
    Well the nursing thing is a different story, but don't you think there's a big difference between your example and sharing a bed? Also, sexual arousal has a lot to do with culture, in many traditional African tribes where women don't wear shirts, men aren't constantly aroused at the sight of breasts, where as in America they probably would be because bare breasts are instantly associated with sex.

    My main concern with the whole thing would be whether or not I'd be raising a wussy momma's boy who'll never learn full independence. Though there's plenty of people like that today who didn't benefit from "attachment parenting", so who knows?
     
  7. May 21, 2012 #6

    Evo

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    I don't think in our modern culture of sexual taboos that having small children be involved in their parent's having sex is healthy. i think it can be very problamatic for children.

    Back when children shared beds with sexually active parents, children were getting married at age 12.
     
  8. May 21, 2012 #7
    So you're saying the mixed signals between society and what they experience at home is the cause of problems, not so much the experiences themselves?

    That makes a lot of sense, but I'm no psychologist.
     
  9. May 21, 2012 #8
    Did she mention this in one of the videos on the site? I didn't see it in the text, and I can't be bothered to watch the videos.
     
  10. May 21, 2012 #9

    lisab

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    I think this style of parenting may confuse kids as they try to establish appropriate personal boundaries (wow that sounds so pop-psych, haha).

    At best, the kid has to struggle to become independent. Basically they have to go through a "break up" at the same time they're trying to learn to fly on their own.

    At worst, the kid never does achieve independence. He (she) becomes odd and incompetent.

    Grand exaggerations maybe, but I can see that kind of outcome.

    Something is not quite right about parents who choose this. Get a life, folks!
     
  11. May 21, 2012 #10

    lisab

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    Excellent point - we have to raise kids who can function in *today's* society, not the middle ages.
     
  12. May 22, 2012 #11

    Ryan_m_b

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    I don't see any benefit to this. There are ways to become emotionally attached to your children without sharing a bed until near teenage years. Children need space to grow independantly, having their own bed and own room is a big part of that.
     
  13. May 22, 2012 #12
    This reminds me of an account I once read of the upbringing of the children of the British philosopher Bertrand Russell. He believed that children should be allowed to express themselves just however they wanted to and that all the rules and strictures normally placed on children just stifled their natural expression and creativity. Some of the tales of what went on at the Russell household did trouble social workers and there was some controversy, because at some level, people wondered if he was on to something – I suppose because of his reputation for having an unusual intellect. But the reality was that his children were deeply unhappy. Analysts pointed out that children actually want rules and boundaries, because, at some level, those rules and boundaries are the tangible proof that they are loved.

    The whole of childhood is about the gradual gaining of ever greater independence to the point where you can safely live a completely independent life. There is plenty of evidence of the damaging effects on the long term happiness of people who cling to the apron strings for too long. There is a famous, wonderful passage in Laurie Lee’s Cider with Rosie when he evokes the extreme childhood pleasure of being allowed to sleep in his mother’s bed. But it is clear that it was an entirely childish pleasure, and it was also clear that its time passed. Tales I have heard from parents of allowing their child to come into their bed because of night time upset have invariably been of the realisation that it was a big mistake.
     
  14. May 22, 2012 #13
    When I took my anthropology class, we studied the Kung! of Africa, and the mothers there breast feed until around 4 years old. Nutritionally, I suppose it isn't necessary, but )at least according to the book we used), it had amultitude of practical purposes.
     
  15. May 22, 2012 #14

    Evo

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    In areas where there is a lack of nutritional food, a longer period of breast feeding makes sense. In most modern countries, there are sufficient nutritional foods available where breast feeding for years is not necessary.
     
  16. May 22, 2012 #15

    Danger

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    Well, they're sexually active at that age these days. I first became a great-granduncle over 15 years ago when my sister's 11-year-old granddaughter spawned. (There was nothing illegal or abusive about it; the father was a year or two older. All involved are doing fine, and the parents are still friends although not a couple.)
    The appropriateness of anything is determined strictly by the culture in which it occurs.
     
  17. May 22, 2012 #16
    Bitty.
     
  18. May 22, 2012 #17

    Danger

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    :confused:
     
  19. May 22, 2012 #18
  20. May 22, 2012 #19
    Its a Little Britain reference. I have a strong feeling I've mentioned them before on these forums in another context. Anyway, it was a comedy sketch show that started on British radio and graduated to television, in which the two very versatile actors created a series of characters, all of whom presented a serious challenge to convention and accepted norms in different ways. It included a mature man who would demand that his middle aged mother breast fed him by saying 'bitty'.
     
  21. May 22, 2012 #20

    Danger

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    Thanks, Chris.

    Actually, I recognized the sketch as soon as I looked at the video. That's a bit coincidental, since none of the stations on my cable carry the show.
    A couple of years ago, friends of my mother had me over for X-mas supper (peculiar, since they know that I'm an Atheist and don't celebrate it). Prim and proper couple, of course, although merely a few years older than me. After supper, we retreated to the living room and watched a couple of hours of "Little Britain" tapes. It's not my style of humour, for the most part, but very well done. My favourite Brit comedies, that came on accessible channels, were "The Good Life" and "The Two Ronnies". ("Monty" goes without saying...) "Benny Hill" was a toss-up; sometimes it was great and sometimes it sucked, but in either case it came on only once a month.
    We now return you to your regular programming.
     
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