Short Paragraph Contest: Prove Your Worthiness

  • Thread starter Thread starter Willis666
  • Start date Start date
Click For Summary

Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around a short paragraph written for a school contest, focusing on themes of belief, truth, and societal rejection. Participants provide feedback on the writing style, content, and emotional impact, exploring the implications of the narrative and its reception.

Discussion Character

  • Exploratory
  • Debate/contested
  • Conceptual clarification
  • Technical explanation

Main Points Raised

  • One participant expresses that the paragraph feels incomplete and suggests it reflects a common theme of people rejecting evidence, referencing creationists.
  • Another participant compares the writing style to that of Jack Handey, implying a surreal or absurd quality.
  • A different reply humorously speculates about the writer's mental state, suggesting a need for a more grounded approach.
  • One participant advises simplifying the narrative and focusing on the implications of a theory rather than extreme outcomes.
  • Another suggests revising the ending to avoid violent imagery, proposing alternative phrases like "lost" or "fade away" for a subtler effect.
  • The original poster acknowledges experiencing writer's block and attributes a decline in quality to the pressure from a picky teacher.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants express mixed opinions on the effectiveness of the writing, with some providing constructive criticism while others make light of the content. There is no consensus on the best approach to improve the paragraph.

Contextual Notes

Participants highlight the emotional tone and potential implications of the narrative, indicating that the writing may benefit from a clearer focus and less extreme imagery. The discussion reflects varying interpretations of the content's depth and impact.

Who May Find This Useful

Writers seeking feedback on creative writing, individuals interested in narrative techniques, and those exploring themes of belief and societal rejection in literature.

Willis666
Messages
48
Reaction score
0
there's a little contest in my school for a short paragraph with some deep thoughts in it. I feel like its missing something. It's all about people not believing in things, even though there's obvious proof (creationists much?)


In The End

Time. We learn of it from the day we are born, yet we know nothing of it. It ticks on, and on, and on. But does it? They didn’t believe me, they called me a crackpot, they said I was crazy, but inside, they knew. They knew my words, the words of a meager soothsayer, spoke the truth. I was shunned by my community, thrown out. I was an outcast of society. And for what? The truth! The truth I spoke! They saw the numbers, they saw the theory, yet they wouldn’t believe it. They didn’t want to believe it! But now. Now who, who is the outcast? They are! And I’m a God, a hero, a leader of my people! And they’re dead. All dead! I didn’t kill them. They killed themselves! They didn’t believe me. Their arrogance killed them.
 
Physics news on Phys.org
Uuh, that sounds like one of the crackpots we ban on PF every day...

No offense :frown:
 
Wow...like Jack Handey on acid.
 
Vanadium 50 said:
Wow...like Jack Handey on acid.

Is that a good thing?
 
I didn’t kill them. They killed themselves!

I put the over/under on bodies buried in your backyard at 3.5
 
Perhaps you should simply talk about the implications of a particular theory. Keep it simple, but try to go deep.
 
Going OK up to half way.

But by the end, I was picturing the people in white coats coming up, saying "Yes, dear, now here's your tasty medicine" (then turning to your relatives saying "He's in his 'God' mood at the moment. I don't think he'll recognise you today").

I suggest a re-write from "They didn’t want to believe it!"... Best if people don't die - they could become 'lost' or 'fade away', or something else equally 'subtle' and ambiguous.
 
Okay thanks. This is for my creative writing class, and the teacher is really, erm... Picky I should say.

Edit: Thats when I started having a writers block. Was pretty sure that's when it fell down.
 

Similar threads

My experience as a hostage
  • · Replies 2 ·
Replies
2
Views
856
Feeling insecure about my abilities
  • · Replies 14 ·
Replies
14
Views
4K
In-Flight Incident: My Experience with a Throttle Malfunction | Pilot's Story
  • · Replies 13 ·
Replies
13
Views
4K
Question re electrochemical marking of stainless steel
  • · Replies 6 ·
Replies
6
Views
2K
Admissions Could I please get critique on my SOP? (Experimental Biophysics)
  • · Replies 9 ·
Replies
9
Views
1K
Graduate Focus all of your ire on me, if you would
  • · Replies 4 ·
Replies
4
Views
3K
News Voice of Democracy Oratory contest.
  • · Replies 2 ·
Replies
2
Views
3K
Two of my nonsense short stories
  • · Replies 3 ·
Replies
3
Views
3K
High School Science history, falling objects before Galileo
  • · Replies 18 ·
Replies
18
Views
4K
Can God's Existence be Proven Subjectively but not Objectively?
  • · Replies 148 ·
5
Replies
148
Views
19K