The Great Physicists' Road Trip by Ms. Rachel C. Millison

  • Thread starter csmcmillion
  • Start date
Great physicists from the past decide to return to Earth for one last road-trip vacation to the coast together. They all appear on Earth on the designated evening. Heisenberg pulls up behind the wheel of a gigantic 1930's car, a huge grin on his face.

As they're getting in the car, Hubble looks up and says "What a wonderfully dark sky".
"Shouldn't be" responds Olbers.
"Always has been" says Hoyle.
"No, it hasn't" says Lemaitre.
"I knew that!" says an embarrassed Einstein.
Once they're all in, Teller says "Hey guys, this trip is going to be The Bomb!".
"Yeah, but why do I always have to organize?" asks Oppenheimer.
"Where exactly will we end up?" asks Kepler.
"That's impossible to predict" says Bohr.
"I just can't believe that's true" says Einstein.
Heisenberg punches the throttle and the old car roars off.
"Say - this thing sure accelerates" says Newton.
"I don't know, Isaac. It feels like gravity to me" smirks Einstein.

Later that night, as they are speeding down a country road, a police car catches up to them and pulls them over.[1]

"Do you know how fast you were going?" the cop asks. [1]
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies. [1]
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35" [1]
Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!" [1]
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?" [1]
"We do now!" shouts Schrodinger. [1]
"I think it's time to split" says Everett.

"Say, how did you manage to spot us on such a dark night?" asks Hubble.
"I saw the light from your head lamps" says the cop.
"How fast was *it* going?" asks Michelson.
"That's simple addition" giggles Galileo.
"Not exactly" says Lorentz.
"Look here" says Heisenberg, "how do you know I was going that fast?"
"I clocked you over a measured distance" says the cop.
"How often?" asks Hertz.
"I disagree with your measurement, officer" interjects Einstein.
"Don't start tonight, Albert" says Bohr, shaking his head.
"What Herr Einstein is trying to say" continues Heisenberg, "is that time was running at a different rate for you than for us".
"WHAT!!!???" exclaims Newton.
"It's true" says Maxwell. "We're all famous scientists and, believe us, Herr Einstein proved it, though it came as no surprise to me".
"Must have been a real eureka moment" nods Archimedes.
"Extraordinary!" says Galileo.
"Extraordinary evidence" asserts Sagan.
"Well, it sounds awfully complicated" responds the cop.
"I'll draw you a simple diagram" says Feynman.
Totally flummoxed, the cop lets them go with a warning. As he drives away, Doppler cocks his head and listens to the sound of the receding police car. "Gotta love that" he says.
"Amen" responds Hubble.

Returning to their car, Lord Kelvin remarks "Sure is warm tonight"
"Yep - lots of disorder" replies Boltzmann.
"In places you'd never expect" adds Hawking.
"I was lucky to get away with that" says Heisenberg. "Most cops think they're better than everyone else".
"Yes - I hate inequality" adds Bell.
"Though you *were* speeding" says Faraday to Heisenberg. "I carefully observed the needle creep from 35 to 55".
"Actually, it was jumping, Michael" replies Planck.
"Hey, Max" says Heisenberg, "If you loan me a tiny bit of money, I'll pay it back so quickly you'll never notice it was gone".

As they pile back into the car, Bohr says "See here - you must fill the seats in order - no empty spaces allowed. And stop interfering with each other!"
"Only one of you can sit next to me!" yells an agitated Pauli.
"Say, Werner - it's stuffy in here. Be a good chap and crack the window a bit" says Hawking.
"Sorry, Stephen. It can be all the way up or all the way down, but nowhere in between" replies Heisenberg.
"Hey guys - Albert and I just figured out a great shortcut. Only one bridge" announces Rosen.
"It will save us a lot of distance" says Einstein, "but it might get spooky".

Arriving at the beach the next morning, they hurry from the car and stand looking out over the ocean.
"Look at the wonderful waves" says Schrodinger.
"They don't look like waves to me" says Bohr.
Looking down at the fine sand, Dirac exclaims "Look at all the particles!"
"Now *those* look like waves" says De Broglie.
"This is great!" exclaims Feynman, rubbing his hands together. "Now, lets go meet some girls!"
"Let's delay" says Wheeler.
"We have to be discrete" warns Bohm.
"Girls? NEVER!" exclaims Newton.

1 Based on, and including the original, attributed to Rich Granger, engineer, Battelle.
Last edited by a moderator:

Want to reply to this thread?

"The Great Physicists' Road Trip by Ms. Rachel C. Millison" You must log in or register to reply here.

Physics Forums Values

We Value Quality
• Topics based on mainstream science
• Proper English grammar and spelling
We Value Civility
• Positive and compassionate attitudes
• Patience while debating
We Value Productivity
• Disciplined to remain on-topic
• Recognition of own weaknesses
• Solo and co-op problem solving