jreelawg said:
It gets confusing, I think it's best to have a healthy balance of selfishness and selflessness.
I thought the movie seven pounds was interesting. He had to choose carefully who he should give his organs to based on what kind of person they were. And so through him lived on people he saw fit to deserve life, but he could only help seven people.
We are limited to who we can help. Ideally, you would be the type of person who you deem as worthy as those you would choose to help. And it is probably best to strive to be that person.
I tend to avoid looking at helping others in zero-sum terms. Yes there are situations like organ-donation where you have a limited amount of resources to give before you destroy yourself in the process, but if you look at all giving this way, you're always going to see helping others as a liability in some way or another.
The way I avoid this zero-sum logic is by thinking in terms of self-help and self-care. Ideally, when a person has learned how to care for themselves, they can teach that to others so they too can care for themselves.
Self-care is an infinitely abundant resource. When you are stretching yourself to care for and help others, you can wear yourself thin. The more people you take care of, the less care you can give to each person, and you wear yourself out in the process.
If you can care for yourself, why can't others? People will tell you that if you have the ability to care for yourself it is a luxury or privilege based on your economic status or the fact that you're not sick or disabled, etc. That is not true. Every individual, no matter what obstacles they face, has the ability to stand strong and to identify with strength in others. As the saying goes, "not handicapped but handicapable."
Interestingly, when people figure out how to overcome the victim role, they become so happy. They realize that they were basically socialized into focussing on their suffering or victimization because it gave them social power. When they realize that it actually makes them feel better to focus on their strengths and positive experiences than the negativity in their lives, a weight is lifted.
I'm not trying to preach to put down people who complain about suffering, because Lord knows they've paid dearly for the right to. I'm just giving an example of how self-care goes beyond just yourself. Ironically, once needy people begin to feel strong - they actually can feel empowered by teaching others as well. I think this is because they realize that giving is all about empowering themselves, and they feel the right to be selfish in that they've paid for it with suffering.
I think the people who have it hardest sometimes are those who haven't endured suffering, because they have a harder time granting themselves the right to care for themselves.