What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Zargawee What do you do if you have only 1$ ? [/B]

Start a religious cult which claims that money is evil and that God has revealed to you that if you can only purify enough souls in the world by getting them to abandon their money (by giving it to you) then paradise will exist on earth. What do you do if you slip and fall into a spring-fed pool while holding a fistfull of pebbles and crying out "See? See?", and once under the water, you are approached by a goldfish named Harold, who signals in American Goldfish Sign Langauge that your trouser fly is unzipped, your shoestrings are untied, and your Mudah wears army boots?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you slip and fall into a spring-fed pool while holding a fistfull of pebbles and crying out "See? See?", and once under the water, you are approached by a goldfish named Harold, who signals in American Goldfish Sign Langauge that your trouser fly is unzipped, your shoestrings are untied, and your Mudah wears army boots?

You grab Harold by the tail, smack him over the head with your rocks, dropping them in the process, thus bouyancy starts you back to the surface where you grab a plastic bag, fill it with water, placing Harold into the bag, and going to the local theater. There, you rent the theater stage for the next month, start sending out everywhere the advertizing telling everyone that you have a TALKING GOLDFISH!, that will bring you in the capital you need to start all of the lawsuits that you are now going to file against everyone who never responded to you when you said "See! See!"

What do you do if your talking goldfish only speaks in "Franglais"??

 

[sandinmyears]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your talking goldfish only speaks in "Franglais"?? [/B]

A: Send him to New Orleans next Mardi Gras (Fat Wednesday). I hear they have Goldfish Swallowing contests there during their parades each year.

Q: What do you do if you daughter dressed like Einstein for Halloween and now you can't get off the makeup?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you daughter dressed like Einstein for Halloween and now you can't get off the makeup?

Push her tongue back into her mouth*[/color], give her a good hair wash, and cut, styled to whatever attracts the least amount of attention towards her now oversized nose, and prey that no one notices.

What do you do if you don't actually have a daughter, but she still looks like Einstein?? Huh?



*[/color](Einsteins famous picture)

 

[Andy]

I won't do anything, just let my wife sort the mess out.

What do you do if I giant Marzipan monster comes after you and won't stop at anything until he has killed you.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Andy What do you do if I giant Marzipan monster comes after you and won't stop at anything until he has killed you.

Since Marzipan is a mixture of honey and ground almonds most people being pursued make the mistake of running to the nearest body of water and jumping in with the mistaken notion the monster will dissolve upon hitting the water. In fact, it takes hours for a Marzipan monster to dissolve in water. So, avoid this common mistake and go for setting it on fire somehow, instead.What do you do if you're hit from behind by a particularly intense blast of Gamma Rays, from a Gamma Ray Burst somewhere out in space while you are photographing the Queen of England and all that shows up on the negative is an x-ray of your own chest?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by a 'slightly glow[/color]ing' zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're hit from behind by a particularly intense blast of Gamma Rays, from a Gamma Ray Burst somewhere out in space while you are photographing the Queen of England and all that shows up on the negative is an x-ray of your own chest?

Don't tell anyone that it is really your chest x-ray, tell them all it was a supernatural phenomenon and you captured one the the Queens dead ancestors on film, (Develop the positive!) and sell your story, to the tabloids, for "Mililililililillions of Dollars", take all of the money you get, and spend the rest of your life, traveling the world, investing in all the 'right' flourishing stocks/bonds/markets, and sharing your wealth, of spirit, and life by assisting in charitable fundraising, and funding, for the rest of the needy in the world!

What do you do if you follow that path but find in less then half of your lifetime there are no more 'Needy' left?

 

[sandinmyears]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you follow that path but find in less then half of your lifetime there are no more 'Needy' left? [/B]

A: Join me in reading "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. (My favorite poet BTW). I'm probably the only one on this forum who thinks with the left side of the brain.

Q: What do they (the DMV) do if you take "The Road Not Taken?" Do they have to re-name it: "The Road Once Taken?"

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by sandinmyears What do they (the DMV) do if you take "The Road Not Taken?" Do they have to re-name it: "The Road Once Taken?"

I immagine they'll rename it "Frost Heave Road".What do you do if you're riding down Frost Heave Road in a chariot pulled by Kangaroos and with each jump they only cover half the remaining distance to your destination?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're riding down Frost Heave Road in a chariot pulled by Kangaroos and with each jump they only cover half the remaining distance to your destination?

Same thing I always do when traveling to Xeno's place, call ahead and have the inn moved!

What do you do if A halloween pumpkin chased you down the road, last night, yelling at you that he was going to "get you back" for what you did, on Devils night?

EDIT added the 'i' to the word thng to make thing

 

[Zargawee]

What do you do if A halloween pumpkin chased you down the road, last night, yelling at you that he was going to "get you back" for what you did, on Devils night?

Get my knife and fight the new monster, and then EAT it :D

What do you do if you were asked to sing at the radio and while singing you suddenly choked ?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if you were asked to sing at the radio and while singing you suddenly choked ?

Go from choking, to gagging, to spitting, to raging, to laughing, as to make it seem like it's all a part of the chorus!

What do you do if "The Great Pumpkin" rises up in the Pumpkin patch, tonight, and shouts out; "I'm Coming to get you!"?

 

[MSI]

i will wake up


what do you do if you were a donut in hands of 6 years old boy?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by MSI what do you do if you were a donut in hands of 6 years old boy?

It's funny you should ask that quetion because once, when I was riding aboard a steam locomotive bound for Tierra del Fuego via Bogota and Buenos Aires, a donut vendor came on board and began selling his greasy topographical monstrosities as the finest chicken feed that could be had. He began to demonstrate how the donuts could be slipped over the feet of the chickens who were sharing the train car with us, such that the birds became responsible for carrying their own food supply. He sold out. A couple hours later when all the chickens were dead, slippery, and crumby, he was nowhere to be found.What do you do if your teenage daughter comes home unexpectedly from college and walks in on you while you're dressed up like Albert Einstein standing in front of a blackboard in the living room giving a lecture to an imaginary group of students?

 

[phoenixthoth]

bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.

what do you do if you're debra messing and you have no ass?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you're debra messing and you have no ass?

?What do you do if you wake up in a perpendicular universe where your favorite website is suddenly some sort of cyber-billboard?

 

[phoenixthoth]

then you can at least feel glad that everything is going all right in "opposite world."

what do you do if someone answers a "what do you do if" question with "?"?

 

[J-Man]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if someone answers a "what do you do if" question with "?"?

What an amazing coincidence; this just happened recently. Apparently the preferred course of action is to ignore it and ask another "what do you do if" question. This is clearly the wrong choice as anyone who has spent 5 lifetimes studying What-do-you-do-if-ology can clearly explain to a 2 year-old. Since I haven't spent even 1 lifetime studying this topic, I'll just shrug my shoulders, whistle "Downtown", and move along...

What do you do if you can't whistle?

 

[Andy]

You clap your hands and praise the Lord!


What do you do if you don't beleive?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you don't beleive?

Learn to spell, properly, and keep the Faith!

What do you do if your faith isn't the right one, but you only find that out, on the day before your death?

 

[MSI]

i will just say **** life!

what do you do if you know that you will die the next week?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by MSI
what do you do if you know that you will die the next week?

Find out for yourself that sometimes you just have to admit you were wrong, and go on living...

What do you do if you find yourself lost, on an internet comedy page, with no exit, no "stage left", no door, no way out!?? ( YIKES! )

 

[physicskid]

Press the on off switch of my computer
and watch my computer monitor go black.
(what's a comedy page anyway?!)

What do you do if you find yourself in a rubbish dump with all sorts of rotten stuff?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by physicskid
What do you do if you find yourself in a rubbish dump with all sorts of rotten stuff?

Realize that you are on a "comedy page"!

What do you do if you live in a rubbish dump on the belief that "Ones man's trash is another man's treasure", and you are still waiting for that 'man" to show up??

 

[benzun_1999]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Realize that you are on a "comedy page"!

What do you do if you live in a rubbish dump on the belief that "Ones man's trash is another man's treasure", and you are still waiting for that 'man" to show up??

I would be out of my mind.

What would you do if there is no garbage(waste)?

-benzun
Think Positive

 

[physicskid]

Thank God a BILLION times because there would be no more flys sticking to your body persistently!

What do you do if your mom threaten you with a knife to marry a beggar?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by physicskid
What do you do if your mom threaten you with a knife to marry a beggar?

Give yourself up for adoption..

What do you do if people keep asking psychologically un-balanced questions?

 

[physicskid]

What do you do if people keep asking psychologically un-balanced questions?

Ans: Don't answer them.

What do you do if you woke out and found yourself plunging down a 5km high cliff?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by physicskid
What do you do if you woke out and found yourself plunging down a 5km high cliff?

SpreadEagle and FLY!

What do you do if you find yourself lost on a planet that has little gravity, but the surface is made out of a stick substance that will not allow you to achieve escape velocity, and your food/water/air supplies are running low, in the now failed[/color] craft of your voyage there?

 

[Andy]

Die quietly with minimal fuss!

What do you do if you where like a fish and when you ****, it was longer than your entire body and you couldn't shake it off?