What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it that when you guess correctly, the quetioner LOL's?

LOL-ing (i.e. "Lying On Lizards!" or "Leaping Over Lepidoptera!" or "Laying Out Loaves!") is frequently resorted to by all bong-water-spilling types whether you guess correctly or not. If you speak it, they will LOL.

Recently, in a do-it-yourself book entitled How to Irrepairably Damage Any Appliance In Your Home By Trying To Fix It Yourself I learned that the common household water heater holds enough water to flood a one car garage to a depth of .625 inches. What do you do if this isn't enough to sufficiently ruin the cardboard boxes your pushy aunt Gladys forced you to store for her while she's in the process of moving?

 

[firefly]

Go to the humane society, pick up a puppy, and call him God. Buy or borrow the largest wet vac you can. Take Aunties boxes outside of the garage. Using the Wet Vac, vacuum the water from the garage. When full, empty the Wet Vac onto Auntie's boxes, trying to ensure even absorption of the dingy liquid. Repeat vacuuming/emptying as necessary until garage is dry. Have the new pup relieve himself just a few times over the boxes, covering them promptly in plastic so as not to offend the Postal workers (keep reading...) Have Auntie's waterlogged, scented-but-sealed, and otherwise untouched, un-opened boxes re-boxed "as is" and shipped COD back to Gladys' old address (P.O. should forward), with a brief letter explaining that due to an "Act of God", you are no longer able to provide free holding facilities for her "stuff".

What do you do if a year later you receive a letter promising delivery of a large inheritance with "divine" implications from a mysterious Aunt Sadys of whom you'd never heard before?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if a year later you receive a letter promising delivery of a large inheritance with "divine" implications from a mysterious Aunt Sadys of whom you'd never heard before?

Attend the delivery with the knowledge that it is probably Aunt Sadies Imortalized by Bronzing Cat, that is instilled in a shine that was vaunted, at cost of production, near a 'cool' million (yet has an inherant value, today, of less then twenty Bucks) knowing that the elderly *Ahem* was really a Good hearted old *&%^$> between those ses('hic)sions that you overheard, and that this is the 'treasure' that is spoken of in the Phrase "One mans Garbage..." such that it's valuation esteeemed is the juxtaposition of the reality hence pricelessly worthless to you!

What do you do if you find out that the price is "Pricelessly Worthless?"

 

[jimmy p]

Dont tell anyone and sell it on ebay

What do you do if you were pinnochio and your wish to be human was granted whilst on holiday in Africa whilst standing in a pride of lions?

EDIT: renowned man-eating lions

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you were pinnochio and your wish to be human was granted whilst on holiday in Africa whilst standing in a pride of lions?
EDIT: renowned man-eating lions

Explain to them that I am not a 'man' but still just a 'little boy', after all they are Man eating lions...not 'boy' eating, that, or, as I was dressed in "wooden clothing" take of my underwear and beat myself a pathway to saftey throught the Lions Pride!

What to you do if you remove your wooden underwear only to find out that the skidmarks have actually eaten their way through the heartwood of Oaken Pine?

 

[jimmy p]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What to you do if you remove your wooden underwear only to find out that the skidmarks have actually eaten their way through the heartwood of Oaken Pine?

wonder briefly how strong the curry i ate last night was and then get back to whooping some lions!

What do you do if your only friend is that irritating robot from "Buck Rogers in the 22nd century"?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if your only friend is that irritating robot from "Buck Rogers in the 22nd century"?

Get my old pal Robbie the robot to beat the 'dead' RAM/ROM outta it!

What do you do if, while beating the Dead RAM/ROM outta the irritating robot, you get knocked in the head by the Beaten robot's "Private Parts"?...thusly adulterating your what?

 

[jimmy p]

I would say "ugh...robotic goolies, i feel unclean!" and then promptly pass out, to wake up in a pile of circuitry and the robot goolies close by.


What do you do if you are being chased by wolves with bees in their mouths, and every time they bark, bees fly out to sting you? The wolves obviously move faster than u do.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you are being chased by wolves with bees in their mouths, and every time they bark, bees fly out to sting you? The wolves obviously move faster than u do.

This species of bee-in-the-mouth-bearing wolf is actually quite harmless, as are the bees. If you just stop running they will let you pet them while the bees rest on a nearby tree.What do you do if you're playing cards with a schizophrenic neighbor and find to your astonishment that, among your other cards, you've been dealt a Duke of Spears and a Four of Cubes?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're playing cards with a schizophrenic neighbor and find to your astonishment that, among your other cards, you've been dealt a Duke of Spears and a Four of Cubes?

Well... would be Ka'Bobs, if I'd ever heard of'em followed up with a generous application of the Famous BBq'ed Sauce "Five aces Hot sauce...So hot you going to feel like you just slipped in a 'fifth' ace, at a crooked game, played with seven Armed US Marshals, escorting eight of the most heinous Murderers in U.S. History, (they are playing too) who have just given you the "eyeball"(s) for that fifth ace...

What do you do if you are playing with the "Ace of Stars" as 'fifth' ace?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you are playing with the "Ace of Stars" as 'fifth' ace?

Fold. Spindle, and mutilate. Rinse. Repeat. Dry on "delicate".
But empty the pockets first. Use spare change for fortune cookie. Eat, but don't read.What do you do if you find an unread chinese fortune on the sidewalk?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you find an unread chinese fortune on the sidewalk?

Spend a good part of the rest of my life trying to figure out just how the heck I knew it was Un-read[/color]

What do you do when you finish reading the last Great Un-read[/color] Novel?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do when you finish reading the last Great Un-read[/color] Novel?

I'm sorry. I can't answer this question. I haven't read it.What do you do if birds of a feather are all on a tether and they're under the weather?

 

[jimmy p]

...realise you were a poet and you didnt even know it?

What do you do if you are the victim of a cruel joke involving a banana, 2 tons of coffee and an elephant?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you are the victim of a cruel joke involving a banana, 2 tons of coffee and an elephant?

This species of elephant accompanying coffee is actually quite harmless, as is the elephant. If you just stop running you can sip the coffee while the elephant rests in a nearby tree. Do not, however, approach the banana.What do you do if you find an unread banana on the sidewalk?

 

[jimmy p]

Open it and read it, bananas have the best stories, and if unread, they are much sweeter!


What do you do if the story is rubbish

 

[Sariaht]

What would you do?

Originally posted by jimmy p

What do you do if a pop artist threatens to kill you infront of maybe more than 8 million people, and everyone thinks it's okay?

allthough you haven't been meaner than anyone else?

After Kenneth Huang tried to kill you and before another guy shot you through the head with one of does mean "beam" weapons and afterwords confirming it on a distance, talking with the words of the pop artist.

Besides, it's me they call Dr mugg and I think it's me they call nemi to so don't worry.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if the story is rubbish

Post it in this thread.What do you do if several men from the Corning Glassware Co. show up to inform you that the petri dish in which you were concieved was recently dropped and cracked, is being sent to the recyclers soon and they need your signature on a release form?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if several men from the Corning Glassware Co. show up to inform you that the petri dish in which you were concieved was recently dropped and cracked, is being sent to the recyclers soon and they need your signature on a release form?

Refuse to sign as you could make an excellant case against the Glassware Company based upon the precedental case of "Ferbisher V Friedoutbach/Snopgress/Gouchenarcher/Sillisophski/Hardling whereinuponthereofin the precedental records show Molars V Incissors won the day, handily saving for the problematics of a craked petri's dish's that was resoluted by Solomonistically resolution powers of One JustIce'd Fariest Harriest who stated in his exclamitoryily revealing expostulation of legalistis mootness's "YES!", clearly! solving the Problem!

What do you do if the "Law" is, in your case, represented by the 'mirror image' with an extra 'L' leading"? (don't "bang your head" 'thunking' this one out!)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the "Law" is, in your case, represented by the 'mirror image' with an extra 'L' leading"? (don't "bang your head" 'thunking' this one out!)

Wake up and smell the sound of `one head thunking'.What do you do if the thunk your head makes when you bang it against the mirror waLL turns out to be the rhythm Gloria Estefan predicted was going to get you?

 

[jimmy p]

cry out in abject terror and try thunk a new tune with my head

What do you do if the only songs you knew were by gloria estefan while you were thunking away?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if the only songs you knew were by gloria estefan while you were thunking away?

The rhythm, then, has GOT you!What do you do if you find out Gloria Estefan, herself, comes along with the rhythm, to cater to your every whim?

Edited to correct orthography.

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you find out Gloria Estefan, herself, comes along with the rhythm, to cater to your every whim?

Edited to correct orthography. HUH?[/color]

Stop 'Thunking' that's for certain, start Spelunking...(Huh??)...well it rhymes/rhythm's..

What do you do if your rhyme, doesn't?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your rhyme, doesn't?

Toward rhyming our goal just to climb, wasn't.What do you do if Sam, sick of being an enabler, won't[/i] play it again, no matter how much you threaten him?

Edited to screw up html

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if Sam, sick of being an enabler, [ b]won't[ /i] play it again, no matter how much you threaten him?

Edited to screw up html

Dear "editor, of Screwed up HTML" (HUH?? WHERE?) the fact that "Sam" is an "enabler" as you so "unquaintly" place it, is prejudicial and bias and wrongfully judgementalistic and really just a word that Sam need'nt really apply to Herself ("Sam" is a Woman, or didn't you know that?) as she knows herself to not be the ugly, ugly comment that you are using to impune, and deleteriously assault, (yes! I said ASSAULT!) my client, and my clients constitutional rights to be free from all harrassing males, and all harrassing males adjectives and completely free of A*********'s (like yourself) who want for nothing but to impose you mysogynistic methodollogies upon innocenet women who never ever do anything to anyone and are allways 10,000,000.03% innocent and for you to encourage, and aid, and abet, and assist, and help, and wantonly give succor, and offer yourself in such a manner of willfullness, as to want, WANT I tell you to MAKE, force, cajole, corrupt, destroy, anihilate, kill, slay, murder, my client, THATS what you are! Ugly ugly psudeo comic that hides the true...Oooops...

How does one go about Screwing up "Hyper Text Machine Language" when one's pages can't read them, in the first palce

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How Screwing up "Hyper Text Machine Language[F]" when o[T=6}ne's pages{/T] can't read them, in the first [sp=wrong}palce[sp=wrong]

Like that.What do you do if Sam, pleased to be an enabler, won't stop playing it again?

 

[jimmy p]

hope that he gets bored quickly and it becomes something he plays once in a while.

What do you do if Sam, the enabler, becomes unable?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if Sam, the enabler, becomes unable?

Dial "Sams R Us" for a replacement.

What do you do if the last banana you read is followed by an exiting sequal, but someone has eaten it?

 

[jimmy p]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe


What do you do if the last banana you read is followed by an exiting sequal, but someone has eaten it?

Your only solution is to harvest a fresh crop of bumper pomegranates and manufacture a small weapons factory in the Sudan


What do you do if you find that bumper pomegranates don't make very effective weapons?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by jimmy p

What do you do if you find that bumper pomegranates don't make very effective weapons?

In my youth we found that throwing eggs and toilet paper could defeat any enemy.What do you do if you have some odd kind of head congestion such that there is a squishy noise in your left ear every time you swallow and in your right ear: a couple bars of Stravinky's Rite of Spring?