Call your friend Zoobyshoe and offer to pay Him LARGE to transport you, and your gold back to safe-keeping.Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, having transmogrified your problems to gold, you are now so heavy you can't move?
You know, it's completely uninteresting you should ask that question, because a Polish aviator of my acquaintance once sent me a kit full of various treatments for snakebite, scorpion sting, frostbite, heatstroke and dermatitis, but there was nothing for this sort of thing.What do you do if you're repelling down the wrong side of the famous tower in Pisa?Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, along the way to the bank, Zoobie ([/color]yshoe)[/color] (The Cat!) turns to you, and plants a really big wet one right on your lips!??
Grab the pasta, run back up the wrong side of the tower, drop half of the pasta, along with a "heavy metal ball" to see if you can stike two of the protesters, At the SAME TIME, repeat till successful!Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if repelling down the tower of Pisa was sacriledge in Italy and when you got to they bottom, the large crowd was actually an angry mob with pitchforks and pasta!
Actually, it is running backward. What happens is that the interneurons of the brain are confused buy this and begin to regurgitate acetylcholine, Cl+, and to ingest Na+ and K+ along with whatever peperoni molecules are handy, and they begin to run backward making the internet look normal. I would suggest Bakobrake, 37.5 mgs in the morning and double at night, taken with a glass of Parson's Sparkling Aged Vodka and this should get the internet running in reverse in your corticle neurons, particularly the precentral web strip, located anterior to the postcentral browser strip which is dorsal to the medial server oblongata, bilaterally, just beneath the coronal hypogoogle.What do you do if you're one of the unfortunate 9 out of 10 people for whom Bakobrake is contraindicated do to its tendency to interact with the neurotransmitter Parsonophrene and prevent its reuptake by turning it into ZOBA a rare but powerful inhibiting neurotransmitter, the result of which is to cause the patient to experience extreme embarrassment when confronted by the sight of anything going backward?Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, testing your knowledge of the internet, being all "Zero's and Ones", you reverse it to all "Ones and Zero's" and it still won't run backwards?
Well I would suggest you consult with the "People inside the screen" as they would know, without exception(!), exactly what to do with such inversional properties and the resultant charcteristics and the 'pursuite' eminating character flaws...Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're one of the unfortunate 9 out of 10 people for whom Bakobrake is contraindicated do to its tendency to interact with the neurotransmitter Parsonophrene and prevent its reuptake by turning it into ZOBA a rare but powerful inhibiting neurotransmitter, the result of which is to cause the patient to experience extreme embarrassment when confronted by the sight of anything going backward?
I am not of the opinion that these are actual "people", rather that the computer monitor is hallucinating an internal presence separate from its own mind. This is caused by a buildup of excess electron bile on the bottom of the cathode ray tube, which can't be cleaned out without breaking the vacuum, so we must learn to live with it. What do you do if you have a strong desire to say "All the crazy threads, and all the nut-forums in the world, and she had to walk into mine." ?Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you write your message, to the "People inside the screen" and then, and only then, realize you haven't a clue who the "People inside the screen" really are?
Recognize my masculinity, and drop the "S" from (S)he...He he!Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you have a strong desire to say "All the crazy threads, and all the nut-forums in the world, and she had to walk into mine." ?
I would just rewrite the question. No need for novas.What do you do if you're on a steamer to the antarctic and the galley helper woman who is beyond obese, hirsuit, alcoholic, and always seems to smell like Ajax, crawls into your bunk one night, wakes you up, and asks you to tell her again how the swing of her breasts when she scrubs the galley floor reminds you of the sloshing of the wavelets against the hull in calm harbors?Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the weather report tells of the coming fine weather?
Remind her that your bunk is in exactly the same placment just opposite on the side...Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're on a steamer to the antarctic and the galley helper woman who is beyond obese, hirsuit, alcoholic, and always seems to smell like Ajax, crawls into your bunk one night, wakes you up, and asks you to tell her again how the swing of her breasts when she scrubs the galley floor reminds you of the sloshing of the wavelets against the hull in calm harbors?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, after you remind her of just who her "true love" truly is, she doesn't leave, and starts looking at you as if you should be her new "true love"...replacing "the Cat"!?
In a dire situation such as that, my concern for her mistake would be of a degree such that I would leap from the bunk and toss to her that most precious of things she had forgotten in her haste: her bottle of Parsons™ Sparkling Aged Vodka.Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if a dejaxified FAT! woman, quite immobilized by incessant piteous caterwauling, suddenly develops a spiritual need to be at one with the darling wavelets, and to slosh her swinging breasts happily among them ... OVERBOARD ! ?
Take a swig of the Vodka and respond aHahahahahahahahaHa! ha!Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if someone begins to cachinnate at your expense in the following unusual manner: "Hªh hªh hªh!" ?
Sounds like a stalemate to me. Of course it does depend on exactly which and how blanks are filled, relative to the positions of the b(r)easts involved. I suggest you liberally dowse any remaining parts not belonging to you with that vicious Vodka - it may have what it takes to disinfect the disinfectant, and dispell the burden bearing b(r)east away from you. If this does not work, you are (fill in the blank).Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
what do you do if that kind of a response simply brings back the "ajaxinated breasts", right up into your (fill in the blank)?
Originally posted by firefly
Sounds like a stalemate to me. Of course it does depend on exactly which and how blanks are filled, relative to the positions of the b(r)easts involved. I suggest you liberally dowse any remaining parts not belonging to you with that vicious Vodka - it may have what it takes to disinfect the disinfectant, and dispell the burden bearing b(r)east away from you. If this does not work, you are (fill in the blank). Drunk as a skunk on Cheap (I'll get you for calling Parsons Sparkling Vodka Cheap you little {or Big...I don't know!} fill in with expletives) Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka so remember "If your Vodka doesn't Sparkle, it probably isn't Parsons Brand!" (ya Cheap wino!)[/color] Consider "the Blank" filled...hee hee[/color]
What do you do if someone else fills in all your blanks, and so manages to ajaxinate you?
Remove the ® from the person ahead of you when they aren't paying attention, replace it with © or ° or §, perhaps even ¥ which is kind of scary looking, and they will soon be on a steamer to the antarctic and out of your hair.Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, the person ahead of you, stays there, forever?
(Edit: added the ®)
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you go to the little liquor store on the corner for a bottle of Parsons™ Sparkling Aged Vodka but all they carry there is ƒireƒly's™ "Gastroluminescent"† Pure Molasses Rum?
†"If your colon don't glow, it ain't ƒireƒly's"
*<<Newsflash>>* ~PA~ (press associates) "This just in, man discovers large floating luminescent object at local waste disposal plant...film at eleven!"...So apparenlty you haven't yet discovered that it has a time delayed effect, and you have just been going to "The little Boys Room" just a bit too quick for the luminescence to have taken it's glowing hold **Hic** my turn!Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, having discovered the relative "safety" of your alternate brand of alcotoxin, you find your self easin' on down to the corner store ever more frequently, and in between trips, easin' on down to t' lil' boy's room, the rum's molasses component not having undergone full distillation and having eased that reg'lr-like colon o' yers right into deregulation? (a go go go... but no glow!)
Promise yourself that never again will you let a Polish Aviator of your acquaintaince talk you into having a second ƒlying zoobie (made with two parts Parsons™ Sparkling Aged Vodka, three parts ƒireƒly's® "Gastroluminescent" Pure Molasses Rum, two parts unpasteurized goat's milk, and an ice cube.What do you do if you find yourself flying to Europe without having boarded a plane, and in your pocket you find a plasticized cross cultural instruction card which says, among other things, "In France you will encounter an odd, vaguely toilet- looking thing in many bathrooms. It is not a toilet. Do not use it as a toilet. No one from North America has ever been able to determine exactly what these things are, but many have discovered that they are not toilets."?Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do yo do if, while flying to Europe, you realize that you have forgotten to board the plane?
CRY EUREKA! cause surely I have found the drinking fountain...needs a large basin as I here that where your on your seventh, (or eigth) Vino, watering yourself is supposedly messy...at least that was what the rumor was...so I heard...Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you find yourself flying to Europe without having boarded a plane, and in your pocket you find a plasticized cross cultural instruction card which says, among other things, "In France you will encounter an odd, vaguely toilet- looking thing in many bathrooms. It is not a toilet. Do not use it as a toilet. No one from North America has ever been able to determine exactly what these things are, but many have discovered that they are not toilets."?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your Vino, doesn't float?
That's when you bite the hare that dogged you.What do you do if, while sitting at a table outside Le Café du Lapin Dormant, biting the hare that dogged you, the hare you are biting (from the above doggerel) awakes, winks at you, and says:"Let lying hares sleep."?Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, after seven or eight(een?) Vodkas... you're the one floating... not necessarily right "sight" up?
Originally posted by a now hungry Zoobypied
What do you do if, while sitting at a table outside Le Café du Lapin Dormant, biting the hare that dogged you, the hare you are biting (from the above doggerel) awakes, winks at you, and says:"Let lying hares sleep."?
It is to avoid just such problems that I do not frequent fish & coffee chain restaurants.What do you do if you are repelling down the side of a giant sequoia tree on the coast of US western state, California, in the area known as Big Sur and, halfway down, come upon a hollow in the tree in which a slender, young woman is seated cross legged, strumming a guitar singing "It's a long way to Tipparery"?Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, while eating "Cafe du Le Poisson Cuit, Tumeur, Vers le bas", your tumor is facing UP??
("Geeze" and I thought that was you, zoob, sitting there in that tree, in Big sur when I was there, back in '99)...explain to her that, with mass transit, air travel, and plate tectonics, that is no longer true.Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are repelling down the side of a giant sequoia tree on the coast of US western state, California, in the area known as Big Sur and, halfway down, come upon a hollow in the tree in which a slender, young woman is seated cross legged, strumming a guitar singing "It's a long way to Tipparery"?
I would imagine in that circumstance there would be better things to do than to sit and ponder new recipes that could be created with ƒireƒly's "Gastroluminescent" Pure Molasses Rum, so I would probably get my chainsaw out of the trunk of the car and carve the image of former US presidents Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover and any others whose first and last name began wih the same letters I could think of, into the fallen tree, put up signs saying "This way to Sequoia Rushmore", and charge a viewing fee to any tourists who happened by.Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
what do you do if while driving through a giant Sequoia tree, in your car, it falls?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you earn, say, three dollars and 52¢ this way ($3.519763 to be precise), and you realize you are at a complete loss as to how to spend this windfall?
Originally posted by firefly
Laundry. And maybe a videogame if you don't have too many loads to run.
What do you do if those big sir's you carved in sequoia, up in Big Sur come after you saying you cut them while shaving?
Buy some glue to make retailable figures of your figures, figures!Originally posted by Spherical_chicken
What do you do with all the mulch?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if a Spherical Chicken comes along, and starts answering your questions? [/B]