What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you where like a fish and when you ****, it was longer than your entire body and you couldn't shake it off?

Start singing "Me, and my Shadow"!

What do you do if you have gone off quietly, and died, with a minimal fuss?

 

[one_raven]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you have gone off quietly, and died, with a minimal fuss?

Come back and haunt with a vengance.

What do you do if you find yourself so utterly bored at 6:26 AM that you not only read, but actually respond to this thread?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by one_raven What do you do if you find yourself so utterly bored at 6:26 AM that you not only read, but actually respond to this thread?

You know, it's funny you should ask that question because once, back before optics were understood as they are today, there was a young man who ws very bored at 6:26 AM and couldn't wait for the sun to fully rise so he could examine the palm of his hand under a magnifying glass. Some think he was about to debunk the whole arena of palm reading, others that he was on the verge of discovering everyone's fingerprints are unique, others thought he was just going to burn himself. A large crowd gathered, impatiently awaiting the results of the experiment. When at last he raised the magnifying glass to his eye and looked through it at his palm, he said: "I spent 20 minutes composing a fascinating and byzantine response to Mr. Robin Parson's last question, but before I could post it, someone jumped in with a bit of fluff they had carelessly tossed off, and now I got nothin'."What do you do if, while you're crawling on all fours toward a gutter or ditch you frequent in your spare time you find an envelope addressed to Mr. Robin Parsons, and, upon holding it up to the sun you can read through the paper to see that it is a request from the CIA that he stop sending them doctored photographs showing the current Prime Minister of Canada peering out of the corner sixth floor window of the Texas School Book Depository holding a Mannlicher Carbine rifle?

 

[one_raven]

What do you do if, while you're crawling on all fours toward a gutter or ditch you frequent...Mannlicher Carbine rifle?

Blackmail him to cover the hefty fee they charge at the Betty Ford Clinic.

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
You know, it's funny you should ask that question because once, back before optics were understood as they are today, there was a young man who ws very bored at 6:26 AM and couldn't wait for the sun to fully rise so he could examine the palm of his hand under a magnifying glass. Some think he was about to debunk the whole arena of palm reading, others that he was on the verge of discovering everyone's fingerprints are unique, others thought he was just going to burn himself. A large crowd gathered, impatiently awaiting the results of the experiment. When at last he raised the magnifying glass to his eye and looked through it at his palm, he said: "I spent 20 minutes composing a fascinating and byzantine response to Mr. Robin Parson's last question, but before I could post it, someone jumped in with a bit of fluff they had carelessly tossed off, and now I got nothin'."

That would suck.
What do you do if THAT happens?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by one_raven What do you do if THAT happens?

Consider the following course of action a person in that situation might take: he might crawl on all fours toward the closet where he keeps a large store of theatrical costumes, and select his tried and true, historically accurate, Leo Slizzard costume. Having donned it he might then fly to Princeton, N.J., USA, and wander the campus muttering to himself "I must find Professor Einstein and warn him." This would be a very entertaining time killer indeed. Then, when the bored and careless respondent has gone off line, he could then sit and compose a long, creative response, in the hope that someone will respond in kind.

What do you do if, while dressed up as Forest Gump you go out and sit at a bus stop with a box of chocolates, but instead of being joined on the bench by a little old lady you are joined on the bench by Mr. Robin Parsons dressed up as a little old lady?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by the Assitant to the Prime Minister of Canada (HUH?? what??) Zoo-by-shoe-d
What do you do if, while dressed up as Forest Gump you go out and sit at a bus stop with a box of chocolates, but instead of being joined on the bench by a little old lady you are joined on the bench by Mr. Robin Parsons dressed up as a little old lady?

Stop and ask him where did he get that exquisite outfit, and who tailored it to fit sooooooooo well for him! (and NO! you don't get NO chocolate!)

What do you do if you keep writing the Prime Minster of Canada, not only does he never respond, but you see him on television, and you hear him speaking something you wrote to him, presenting it to the press, as if it were his own work!?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you keep writing the Prime Minster of Canada, not only does he never respond, but you see him on television, and you hear him speaking something you wrote to him, presenting it to the press, as if it were his own work!?

What you do is pull your mind together and realize that he seems to be speaking your words because he is you, you are he, the walrus is Paul, and Mr. Robin Parsons is simply one of the many alter egos invented by the Prime Minister during his years of suffering from muliple personality disorder.What do you do if, when crawling on all fours from your tent toward the Prime Minister's palace to take your rightful place as leader of Canada, now that your personality confusion has cleared up, you suddenly remember that the last time you left the palace a few years before, you forgot to unplug your little water heater that you used to make tea in the second floor office?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, when crawling on all fours from your tent toward the Prime Minister's palace to take your rightful place as leader of Canada, now that your personality confusion has cleared up, you suddenly remember that the last time you left the palace a few years before, you forgot to unplug your little water heater that you used to make tea in the second floor office?

Call my aide, blame them, and have them F-I-R-E-D for it!

What do you do if you cede copyright in a piece of writing entitled "Qualifieing Quantifiable Democray" to the Prime Minster of Canada, this particular piece of writting involves the referendum, (and the calculable math involved in that) soon to be held in Quebec as to cede it from the rest of Canada, is now before the Supreme Court of Canada, as they decide the legalities of the proposed referendum, your words are holding to the logic of mathematics as it pertains to the outcome of referendum voting, the piece makes it certain and clear that the operative need is for a "Clear Majority", (based upon proper mathematical accounting of persons voting) and, after the Court rules, all you hear in the news, for days, weeks, months on end are your words being repeated, over, and over again, "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority", what do you do?

P.S. the names have not been changed, as to protect the innocent!

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you cede copyright in a piece of writing entitled "Qualifieing Quantifiable Democray" to the Prime Minster of Canada, this particular piece of writting involves the referendum, (and the calculable math involved in that) soon to be held in Quebec as to cede it from the rest of Canada, is now before the Supreme Court of Canada, as they decide the legalities of the proposed referendum, your words are holding to the logic of mathematics as it pertains to the outcome of referendum voting, the piece makes it certain and clear that the operative need is for a "Clear Majority", (based upon proper mathematical accounting of persons voting) and, after the Court rules, all you hear in the news, for days, weeks, months on end are your words being repeated, over, and over again, "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority", what do you do?

P.S. the names have not been changed, as to protect the innocent!

Clearly you have a major power to put words in people's mouths. Therefore, write an essay containing the line "Send all your money to Mr. Robin Parsons", cede the copywrite, and deliver it to the very same above politicians. Soon the line will be repeated all over Canada.

What do you do if recent solar flares cause a widespread outbreak of bad posture leading the Canadian Government to replace the phrase "Clear Majority" with the phrase "Hunchbacked Majority"?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if recent solar flares cause a widespread outbreak of bad posture leading the Canadian Government to replace the phrase "Clear Majority" with the phrase "Hunchbacked Majority"?

Hope that this 'policy' winds up having the same effect as their past policy efforts at getting all Canadians to paint their cars Pink![/color] (so that they could tell everyone that they all lived in a Pink[/color] Car[/color]nation)

What do you do if you find yourself following zoobyshoe around, for a day in his life, and you find out that he is actually the Assitant Undersecretary to the "Chief of Statistical Infloormation" at the bureau of "Past/Present/Futur Floors" in Romania?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you find yourself following zoobyshoe around, for a day in his life, and you find out that he is actually the Assitant Undersecretary to the "Chief of Statistical Infloormation" at the bureau of "Past/Present/Futur Floors" in Romania?

It would become vital to kidnap him and subject him to sodium pentathol interrogation given the importance of the state of Romanian floors, and indeed all horizontal planes in Romania, to the continued well being of humanity.

What do you do if, while bringing a truckload of refuse to the local landfill, you are waiting in line and the man in the truck behind you gets out of his vehicle, startles you by rapping on your window, and says "Did you know you have President Bush in the back of your truck?"

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while bringing a truckload of refuse to the local landfill, you are waiting in line and the man in the truck behind you gets out of his vehicle, startles you by rapping on your window, and says "Did you know you have President Bush in the back of your truck?"

Thats Jerry! I know him, Ya, that's exactly what he said to me last week, he's such a joker, he had actually placed some sort of "carcass" looking thing, that really did resemble your 'Prez' slightly, (he musta done a pretty good job come to think of it, it really did look a bit like that guy on TV) but he was a rollin on the floor laughing his buttocks off as he saw me standing at the back of my truck looking in, so I knews he was "just a joking" so I shot that 'gimic' into the crusher, and watched it squish that pile of rubbish into the smallest little thing you ever did see...Humm, come to think of it, anyone seen President Bush around...lately?

What do you do if Oooops, it really was your President in the back of my trash truck, and your the one who is found to have placed his dead carcass there!? What do you do??

 

[phoenixthoth]

you praise allah that while you're in an unfortunate situation at least you're not in a worse situation.

what do you do if you're in a worse situation?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you're in a worse situation?

Recall how much better everything was in "The Good old days"

What do you do if your an amnesiac, and cannot remember "The good old days"??

 

[Mentat]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Recall how much better everything was in "The Good old days"

What do you do if your an amnesiac, and cannot remember "The good old days"??

Sit around and do nothing, eventually you'll also forget that you're in a worse situation.

What do you do you're being given a wedgie and a noogie at the same time?

 

[phoenixthoth]

i would get medevial on their ass with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.

what do you do if instead of a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, you just have a pair of pliers?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if instead of a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, you just have a pair of pliers?

I spent the day on the phone calling people for advice about this problem: two auto mechanics, three machinists, five welders, and one professor of medieval history. They're thinking it over. In the meantime grab the person by the nose with the pliers and hold them until this issue is resolved.What do you do if, as a member of an FBI swat team, you burst into Phoenixthoth's garage to find him whipping up a batch of C4, only to have him throw his hands up in surrender saying "I wasn't going to use it for evil! I wasn't going to use it for evil!"?

 

[phoenixthoth]

that would be a particularly interesting "what if" for me since i am phoenixthoth. i'd probably wonder if the other person was a long lost twin with the same name or perhaps one of us has crossed the barrier that separates universes. i'd shoot him in the skull and let God sort him out. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! then i'd use the C4 for evil purposes.

what do you do if when you're in a similar situation and after killing your doppleganger, are about use his explosives, and another version of you working for the fbi shows up? would you get the hint or would you (meaning the new one from the fbi) continue this cycle of violence?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if when you're in a similar situation and after killing your doppleganger, are about use his explosives, and another version of you working for the fbi shows up? would you get the hint or would you (meaning the new one from the fbi) continue this cycle of violence?

Both at the same time = End of Story!

What do you do if, the stories over?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if, the stories over?

This would be a good opportunity to wash all the floors n Romania.What do you do if a singer of sad songs with a hurdy gurdy and a monkey with a pegleg, comes down your street one day, coasting along in his autogiro, parks outside your house, and knocks on the door asking if you have any spare diesel fuel?

 

[revesz]

I ask him if he can tell me how his hurdy gurdy works in the form of a sad song.

what do you do if while listening to his sad song about his hurdy gurdy you suddenly realize that you don't have any spare diesel fuel and in a violent rage his monkey attempts to attack you with his pegleg?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by revesz
what do you do if while listening to his sad song about his hurdy gurdy you suddenly realize that you don't have any spare diesel fuel and in a violent rage his monkey attempts to attack you with his pegleg?

WOW you were there? You saw that? and you didn't come forward at the trial to help me to recoop the losses that I took on that stupid primate, and his chimp? I should od to you the same thing I did to that chimp, using that primate again!

What do you do if the question asked, is answered, but the answer leaves you, sorta/kinda/maybelike un-satisfied, until you mull it over, over a pint of ale, that is soaked in earwax that was coating the glass?

 

[revesz]

I would remain un-satisfied with the answer, to avoid having to clean the ear wax off the glass when I'm done.

What do you do if you change your mind, and decide you would rather have a sense of satisfaction, but cannot remember where you left your earwax?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by revesz
What do you do if you change your mind, and decide you would rather have a sense of satisfaction, but cannot remember where you left your earwax?

Listen closely, and it will (eventually) show up!

What do you do if, while 'listening closely' to your own ears, you hear the wax about to drip, out, and you have nothing sanitary to catch it in, except the full beer in front of you?

 

[revesz]

Assuming that a beer soaked in ear wax would have the same effect as the pint of ale I would allow the wax to drip in my beer.

What do you do if, upon the wax dripping into the full beer, the rightful owner of the beverage asks for his drink back, unaware of the ear wax in it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by revesz What do you do if, upon the wax dripping into the full beer, the rightful owner of the beverage asks for his drink back, unaware of the ear wax in it?

Having consulted the accepted masterpiece on the subject, The Social Responsibilities Of Ear Wax Production, by Betty Anne Mannerly, I find the following :

"In cases where it is evident that another person might unintentionally ingest the ear wax of someone else, all buildings within a one mile radius should be evacuated and an alert should be issued by the nearest Center For Disease Control. What do you do if, while riding your yak toward your home village a man on a bicycle coming toward you begins to shout "Go back! Go back! All the ale mugs are tainted with ear wax!" ?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while riding your yak toward your home village a man on a bicycle coming toward you begins to shout "Go back! Go back! All the ale mugs are tainted with ear wax!" ?

Grab the guy, haul him off of the raod, and check the bicycle, cause from years of beer/ear wax indulgencies experience I can easily attest to the fact of the matter being that, if the guy is telling you the truth about the earwax tainted beer mugs, then the wheels of his bicycle must have residues of said wax, (*It's the Law! Dammit!*) and the removal of even the slightest of ear wax residue from the guys bike tires will cause such an imbalance to him in his riding that he should fall over sidewards after simply twelve (21) feet of travel, (forwards OR backwards!) at which point you should be able to reach into his coat pocket and find the "Officially and Authoritatively, the One, and Only 'Ear Wax Recovery' Tool" cause nicely equiped with that, your summer plans of scaling Mount St Helens (*naked*) will be 1/64^th of the way there!

What do you do if after having typed out a long, sensible, coherent, sane, lucid, physcologically balanced, responce, you now find you have nothing to say/ask?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if after having typed out a long, sensible, coherent, sane, lucid, physcologically balanced, responce, you now find you have nothing to say/ask?

Yes, sometime just answering takes all one's literary strength. What you do, then, is to let your mind meander among the far away stars and planets, the remote corners of the unconscious and subconscious, the strange alleyways of strange cities, into peculiar books both comic and literary, and something should occur to you. If not, resort to bodily functions.What do you do if you are strolling down a strange alleyway in a strange city and a strange vagrant says something strange to you in a strange language, and you look it up in a strange phrase book and what he has said is: "Everything OK with you bowel-wise?"?

 

[Rockdog]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Yes, sometime just answering takes all one's literary strength. What you do, then, is to let your mind meander among the far away stars and planets, the remote corners of the unconscious and subconscious, the strange alleyways of strange cities, into peculiar books both comic and literary, and something should occur to you. If not, resort to bodily functions.


What do you do if you are strolling down a strange alleyway in a strange city and a strange vagrant says something strange to you in a strange language, and you look it up in a strange phrase book and what he has said is: "Everything OK with you bowel-wise?"?

I'd say, yes.

What do you do if you found out that your mom is really a man?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Rockdog
What do you do if you found out that your mom is really a man?

Go Ask your DAD!

What do you do if Dad, doesn't know?