What's that stuff around your eyes?

[~christina~]

Yeah, even my dad didn't make me do problems from college books at 8 years old. I just had to add up all of the bowling scores in my head, update everyone's average, and calculate the team handicap for the next week.

He did teach us a cool counting game for road trips, though. Seven kids, so we played sevens. You would work your way around the car, counting upward, with each kid saying the next number. Except if the number had a seven in it or was divisible by seven, you had to clap instead. If you messed up, you were out of the game and the last person standing won.

It was always great fun until we got up to the 7000's. So we had to modify the game so if the number had both a seven in it and was divisible by seven, you had to do a double clap. And if it had a seven in it and was a prime number, you had to put your finger inside your mouth and make that popping sound as you popped your finger out against the corner of your mouth.

About that time, my mom would start thinking about divorce. And cursing child custody laws that almost always gave custody to the mother.

 

[Danger]

Um, Dave? How come you're well-versed in the cost of hookers?

They probably had to split the cost for one when they were kids.

I'm fake.

Nice try, but I still have that swimsuit photo of you on my desktop... so I know that the important bits are real.

If you take a look at my avatar, you'll see that I occasionally wear a tad too much make-up myself.

Despite my somewhat advanced years, I confess that I have an... appreciation that borders upon fetishism for the Goth look. Make-up, piercings, tats, non-traditional hairstyles, fangs... you name it. If she clanks or bites, I want her.
I also have a very strong attraction to the more standard version of beauty. Sophia Loren, Natalie Wood, Evo (yeah, you're in there whether or not you like it, Sweetheart)... and I firmly believe that Audrey Hepburn was the most beautiful woman who ever lived.
Still, all of that is superficial. If a total masterpiece of female construction turns out to be a *****, any sense of physical attraction immediately vanishes. Conversely, a couple of women who were (using my mother's terminology) "as homely as a mud fence" have begun to look quite pretty after some conversation.
Astro, your life contradicts your words in a way. This is certainly not implying any sort of attempted deception on your part, but perhaps something that has escaped your own notice. You would not have your black belts and degrees and ridiculously super-human physique had you not invested vast amounts of time, effort, and dedication into achieving them. I think that I know you well enough to say that you did so in order to better yourself in your own opinion rather than to mollify anyone else. Still, those factors are all sexual attractants in our species. For whatever reason it is done, one of the primary results of a man pumping iron or getting a nice haircut is the same as that of a woman applying mascara or donning a push-up bra. The only difference is that it doesn't wear off as quickly. I'm (almost) willing to bet that some part of your self-maintenance is out of respect for your wife, to show her that you love her enough to remain attractive to her even though you don't have to. You are one of those rare individuals who honestly doesn't give a **** what anyone else thinks about you as long as you're comfortable with yourself, but you relinquish some of that individuality for the sake of family and friends. Most people in developed countries don't have that luxury. Preening and primping, misguided or not, is in aid of gaining social acceptance. That can be for sexual purposes, to gain employment, to avoid a speeding ticket, or whatever else is needed.
For the record, I find the young lady in the OP photograph very hot. In fact, if only I could remember where I left that tub of Chrisco, there's an idea formulating...