When does one reach functioning maturity when one could be sure of one's steps

[jackson6612]

Some years ago I thought that my my own decisions are more valid and true than those of elders around me. You can say I was more of a idealistic. Now as it has turned out I have stared doubting every of my thought because what people older than you think is more accurate and pragmatic no matter how devoid it could be of sentiments and ideals. When does one reach a working maturity where he could be sure of decisions? 40s? How should one frame his opinions?

Please let me hear your thinking on this. Thanks.

 

[Astronuc]

It depends on the individual. Some can do it in their teens, while other may never reach a level of maturity, whereby they fully accept the consequences of their decisions or the responsibilities of a mature adult.

 

[jackmell]

You're never sure of all your steps but in general I think, a man reaches maturity at age 37 or so. So 20-somethings aren't even mature yet? Jesus, why then are they doing all sorts of mature-looking things like getting jobs, family, children, marriage. That's not just me saying 37. I recall reading or seeing on TV knowledgeable people in such matters suggesting that is about the age when it happens.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

When I was 16 I started pretending that I was an adult. I've been pretending ever since.

 

[lisab]

I felt everything sort of "clicked" at 26.

 

[DaveC426913]

You have arrived when you are managing your life without being a drain on others. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are successful in your life, it simply means that your decisions, good or bad, are your own.

When challenged, you do not need to defend yourself or make excuses, you simply take solace in the fact that these things are true for you.

 

[Vanadium 50]

Some years ago I thought that my my own decisions are more valid and true than those of elders around me.

And a century ago...

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

 

[DaveC426913]

And a century ago...

That is exactly the quote that came to mind when I read the OP!

 

[rootX]

Decisions don't have to be good/bad/perfect; however, to be mature you have to bear the consequences yourself rather than passing the burden of your mistakes to your parents, friends, children, government, or spouse IMO.

 

[DaveC426913]

Decisions don't have to be good/bad/perfect; however, to be mature you have to bear the consequences yourself rather than passing the burden of your mistakes to your parents, friends, children, government, or spouse IMO.

Wot he said.

no wait. That's what I said.

 

[jackmell]

I felt everything sort of "clicked" at 26.

. . . yeah right. What, you woke up one morning, 26 and all, and thought, "Jesus, I know how sh*t works now?" I mean what exactly "clicked"?

 

[DaveC426913]

. . . yeah right. What, you woke up one morning, 26 and all, and thought, "Jesus, I know how sh*t works now?" I mean what exactly "clicked"?

I can tell you in my case.

It was the realization that: my parents can disagree with me - and that doesn't make me wrong.

It happened during a dinner conversation, but thereafter, I realized there was a new person who was not defined in terms of either submitting to, or rebelling against his parents' beliefs. Their opinions were outside me.

So, yeah, essentially a click.

 

[lisab]

. . . yeah right. What, you woke up one morning, 26 and all, and thought, "Jesus, I know how sh*t works now?" I mean what exactly "clicked"?

I had been on my own for 10 years or so, paying all my bills, working my way through college (albeit slowly), and graduation was within sight. I already had a job lined up, no debt, and I was emotionally very secure and stable.

Click.

 

[jackmell]

I had been on my own for 10 years or so, paying all my bills, working my way through college (albeit slowly), and graduation was within sight. I already had a job lined up, no debt, and I was emotionally very secure and stable.

Click.

Good to see that. Not the sixteen year old on her own part which could be a whole new thread but don't want to ruffle no feathers in here, but the latter part, when at 26, you're a what was that, "emotionally very secure and stable" part. Now that's a good goal. No, not for you. Dad, although, well, that 16 year old thing, I don't know. Nevermind.

 

[lisab]

Good to see that. Not the sixteen year old on her own part which could be a whole new thread but don't want to ruffle no feathers in here, but the latter part, when at 26, you're a what was that, "emotionally very secure and stable" part. Now that's a good goal. No, not for you. Dad, although, well, that 16 year old thing, I don't know. Nevermind.

Hmm. Read that three times, I still have no idea what your point is. Care to elaborate?

 

[Pattonias]

When you finally realize that your success or failure is on you and you can't blame anyone else.

 

[Astronuc]

Some years ago I thought that my my own decisions are more valid and true than those of elders around me. You can say I was more of a idealistic. Now as it has turned out I have stared doubting every of my thought because what people older than you think is more accurate and pragmatic no matter how devoid it could be of sentiments and ideals. When does one reach a working maturity where he could be sure of decisions? 40s? How should one frame his opinions?

Please let me hear your thinking on this. Thanks.

Another way of achieving maturity is the development of good character, which is reflected in good habits/practices and good (strong ethical and moral) principles.

I listened to an interesting program this evening on character development.

http://www.publicbroadcasting.net/wamc/news.newsmain?action=article&ARTICLE_ID=1715927

Dr. Lickona has specialized in this field for 40-years. He's the author of the bestselling classic, "Educating for Character: How Our Schools Can Teach Respect and Responsibility." Another of his highly acclaimed books is "Character Matters: How To Help Our Children Develop Good Judgment, Integrity, and Other Essential Virtues."

Character Education Partnership
http://www.character.org/

The Center for the 4th and 5th Rs (Respect and Responsibility)
http://www2.cortland.edu/centers/character/

 

[turbo]

Maturity can come early when it's your only viable path. When I was 23, I was a materials-tester on a pulp-mill construction project. Took a semester off to go back to college, then got a job as the only quality inspector on a 10-building apartment complex with ~200 apartments and a community building. After a few weeks, the owner told the architect to fire me because I was finding too many building and material defects and that was slowing the project down. I went to the office trailer to say goodbye to the general superintendent, and he told me to come in Monday morning as usual and see him. He made me the clerk of the project on the spot, and as senior personnel were needed on other projects over the coming year, I took on the position of assistant superintendent, and then superintendent during the finishing, punchlisting, and acceptance phase of the project. ~15-16 hours a day mostly during punchlisting, though I'd try to cut back to 12 hours a day on weekends.

That is a huge project to put in the hands of a 24-year-old. When the project was completed, I got a nice bonus and the offer to move me and my wife to Newton MA, in a company-owned home while they paid for me to attend school. I had to decline. I've always hated the Boston area. Good choice though. Within a few weeks, I was working as a process chemist in the same pulp mill that I had helped to build a couple of years before.

 

[turbo]

Some years ago I thought that my my own decisions are more valid and true than those of elders around me. You can say I was more of a idealistic. Now as it has turned out I have stared doubting every of my thought because what people older than you think is more accurate and pragmatic no matter how devoid it could be of sentiments and ideals.

I should have answered the OP first, but here goes. Try to think of the consequences of your decisions as you make them (preferably before), and don't waste time doubting yourself. If you are calm and mature in your considerations you'll be ahead of most folks. IMO, people make their biggest mistakes when they are behind the curve and acting in a reactionary mode. Reactionary responses can look reasonable at the time, and can even look like one of a very small range of choices that you have. This is often not true.

Do you have long-term goals, medium-term goals, short-term goals, and do you have those goals ranked so that some may take precedence over others in the case of a conflict? There is no certainty in life (no good ones, anyway) but you can take control of the decisions that are most important to you, and deal with them confidently. That doesn't mean that you will always make the best decision. It means that as you make choices and continue to re-evaluate the results of those choices in terms of your goals, you will second-guess yourself less often and will often see options that a negative self-image might blind you to. Good luck!

Just asking that question means that you're equipped to deal with your choices. If you are a bit more organized and prepared, you will gain confidence in your ability to make good choices. Not all young people have that ability, and the ability doesn't automatically come with age.

 

[Andre]

Good to see that. Not the sixteen year old on her own part which could be a whole new thread but don't want to ruffle no feathers in here, but the latter part, when at 26, you're a what was that, "emotionally very secure and stable" part. Now that's a good goal. No, not for you. Dad, although, well, that 16 year old thing, I don't know. Nevermind.

Hmm. Read that three times, I still have no idea what your point is. Care to elaborate?

Well, as a dad of two daughters, I would most certainly not have them be "independent" at age 16. But times, cultures and circumstances can be different.

 

[Chronos]

I married at 22 - first mistake. Had daughter at 24 - second mistake. Divorced at 36, and supported both girls for the next 20 years - third mistake. Both are now far wealthier than I, and I'm pleased - shoot me.

 

[jackmell]

Hmm. Read that three times, I still have no idea what your point is. Care to elaborate?

Oh yeah. Why were you 16 and on your own? That's too young for a girl to be on her own. Might be a delicate thing for you though. But I can think of a couple of reasons why maybe. So I'm reading this story about homeless teens in Denver, I think it was on 20/20 a few months ago. One girl didn't get along with her mom's boyfriend but didn't want to talk about it. Yeah right, we know. Wait, oh you mean the good goal thing for Dad? Well isn't it? I mean wouldn't all dads want to see their daughters become emotionally very secure and stable? Now how exactly might dads achieve that goal?

 

[lisab]

Oh yeah. Why were you 16 and on your own? That's too young for a girl to be on her own. Might be a delicate thing for you though. But I can think of a couple of reasons why maybe. So I'm reading this story about homeless teens in Denver, I think it was on 20/20 a few months ago. One girl didn't get along with her mom's boyfriend but didn't want to talk about it. Yeah right, we know. Wait, oh you mean the good goal thing for Dad? Well isn't it? I mean wouldn't all dads want to see their daughters become emotionally very secure and stable? Now how exactly might dads achieve that goal?

It's young, yes, but not that unusual. Maybe you're thinking I'm from a Beaver-Cleaver-type home...no, there were drugs, alcohol, and fighting fighting fighting.

How does a dad raise a girl to become a secure and stable woman...wow, that would make quiet a thread, it's a bit off-topic topic for this one though .

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

every new year you think you can make better decisions now than you could in years past
for example i cringe when i reread stuff i wrote on this board 4 years ago, but back then i thought i was cool ****.

point is, doesn't matter how old you are you will always think you are better than you're former self and that's achievable through life experiences

 

[DanP]

I married at 22 - first mistake. Had daughter at 24 - second mistake. Divorced at 36, and supported both girls for the next 20 years - third mistake. Both are now far wealthier than I, and I'm pleased - shoot me.

Family laws in most of this world are terrible. Supporting your offspring is OK. Having to support your ex-wife is aberrant.

 

[jackmell]

It's young, yes, but not that unusual. Maybe you're thinking I'm from a Beaver-Cleaver-type home...no, there were drugs, alcohol, and fighting fighting fighting.

How does a dad raise a girl to become a secure and stable woman...wow, that would make quiet a thread, it's a bit off-topic topic for this one though .

Alright I got it. They just didn't "know" at the time, just like the little girl in Denver who ran away from the boyfriend. Poor mom. She just didn't "know" what was really happening. But in time mom will grow to "know" and become pretty devastated by it too I bet. Back to the main topic then of this thread . . . when does one become mature and grows to "know" about things?

 

[jackson6612]

every new year you think you can make better decisions now than you could in years past
for example i cringe when i reread stuff i wrote on this board 4 years ago, but back then i thought i was cool ****.

point is, doesn't matter how old you are you will always think you are better than you're former self and that's achievable through life experiences

Hi IWIWS

Perhaps that's the main reason you were only able to contribute almost 80 postings in the last four years!

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

Hi IWIWS

Perhaps that's the main reason you were only able to contribute almost 80 postings in the last four years!

i was also just starting my University career at 18, so i had more questions than answers at that point in time.

but sorry i was wrong i said 4 years i really meant over 6 years

although i still have my questions than answers now, my answers pool has grown exponentially.

That and i also haven't posted in what, 4 and a half to 5 years now

what am i doing justifying myself to you anyways

 

[jackson6612]

i was also just starting my University career at 18, so i had more questions than answers at that point in time.

but sorry i was wrong i said 4 years i really meant over 6 years

although i still have my questions than answers now, my answers pool has grown exponentially.

That and i also haven't posted in what, 4 and a half to 5 years now

what am i doing justifying myself to you anyways

No problem. We all get busy. By the way, isn't PF a good place to ask your questions? Where did you get your answers? Just curious.

Best wishes
Jack

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

No problem. We all get busy. By the way, isn't PF a good place to ask your questions? Where did you get your answers? Just curious.

Best wishes
Jack

Yes and No.
The first year and a half of my program, yes it was useful, you can assume say 45% (out of 78, General Discussion boards don't count as posts) of my posts were questions.

Then since i am not in a "mainstream" science field there was no one that could really relate with my subjects, though some might have known aspects here and there, this saying becomes very true, "if you don't use it you lose it" as more of my questions were left un-answered i just started utilizing other ways to get my information.