MHB Why did the mathematician's friends think he was a therapist?

[mathbalarka]

Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy?"

Because he left a residue at every pole.

 

[MarkFL]

(Clapping) That's brilliant! :D

 

[DreamWeaver]

Best maths joke I've ever heard... Nice one, Balarka!

 

[Evgeny.Makarov]

There is an even worse joke from the time of the iron curtain about the integral around Western Europe being zero...

 

[DreamWeaver]

There is an even worse joke from the time of the iron curtain about the integral around Western Europe being zero...

Brilliant! :D Nice one, Evgeny! (Yes)

 

[Deveno]

My favorite math joke goes like this:

A mathematician and her husband are arguing. "You don't love me anymore! All you care about is math!", he says.

She says, "Honey, that's not true! I DO love you!"

He says, "Oh yeah? Well, then, prove it!".

She says, "OK. Let epsilon be greater than zero..."

 

[Evgeny.Makarov]

So the husband became upset, stormed out of the house and came back drunk at 3 AM. His wife told him, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!" The husband replied, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."

 

[kaliprasad]

it is a very good bad joke(oxymoron intended)

 

[Deveno]

On a T-shirt I saw on the internet:

"Dear algebra,

Stop asking us to find your x. She's not coming back."

A friend of mine once got me a T-shirt that said:

"What part of

$$\iiint_V (\nabla \cdot \mathbf{F})\ dV = \oint_S (\mathbf{F}\cdot \mathbf{n})\ dS$$

don't you understand?"

 

[Evgeny.Makarov]

"What part of

$$\iiint_V (\nabla \cdot \mathbf{F})\ dV = \oint_S (\mathbf{F}\cdot \mathbf{n})\ dS$$

don't you understand?"

The relationship between $V$ and $S$.

I guess if a member of the opposite sex made this remark, the only appropriate reply is, "Marry me!"

 

[mathbalarka]

This is absolutely hilarious :

A mathematican walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow.
The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!”
The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.”
“How so?”
“They’re knot theorists.”
The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.”
“Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.”
So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.”
“Arf! Arf!” barks the dog.
The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.”
“Mu! Mu!” says the cow.
At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar.
Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”

 

[mathbalarka]

Actually, there exists a worst mathematical joke possible about a topologist looking at a hole in the ground, but I think it is better not to give it here. :p

 

[Deveno]

The relationship between $V$ and $S$.

I guess if a member of the opposite sex made this remark, the only appropriate reply is, "Marry me!"

Yeah, well...in actuality $S = \partial{V}$, the oriented boundary of $V$...although you might as well have asked:

"What is $\mathbf{n}$?" as it is likewise not explicitly defined by the expression shown.

When I was actually studying math (at a school), there was, at that time, only one girl math major. I should have married her, but I was young and foolish, and did not realize what a singular (hah! a pun!) opportunity was set before me.

 

[Deveno]

Actually, there exists a worst mathematical joke possible about a topologist looking at a hole in the ground, but I think it is better not to give it here. :p

There exist many variations on the following:

An engineer, a physicist, and a topologist are all locked in an empty room for 3 days with a single can of food, and no can opener, as an experiment.

After 3 days, the engineer's room is opened: the experimenters find a room splattered with food all over the walls, which are pock-marked with dents. He obviously threw the can against the walls until it burst.

In the physicist's room, they find the can bent in half, he explains he determined the optimal point to apply pressure to break the seal, which only took half a day.

In the topologist's room, they just find an unopened can, and he is nowhere in sight. Curious, they open the can, and the topologist pops out, saying (somewhat sheepishly): "Sign error".

 

[soroban]

Another T-shirt:

. . \boxed{\begin{array}{c}\text{Dear Algebra,} \\ \text{I'm not a therapist.} \\ \text{Solve your own problems.} \end{array}}