Why Do Female Students Listen to Male Students' Questions Without Interacting?

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A male student has been asking questions after upper-level math and physics lectures, noticing a female student listening in without engaging. He feels uncertain about her interest, as she has not approached him or asked questions. The discussion suggests that she may be shy or simply listening for clarification, and encourages him to initiate conversation about class topics. The student admits to being attracted to her but struggles with shyness, making it difficult to start a dialogue. Ultimately, the consensus is that he should take the initiative to speak with her, as it could lead to a connection.
  • #51
theoritician said:
Negative is the word I would use to describe my experience. We exchanged greetings and I sat next to her and asked her some questions about the subject we were doing. However she didn't ask me any questions which was discouraging so I had to make all the conversation basically. I didn't ask her any questions beyond the course though.

I don't know why I bother I think I should go back to dreaming instead.

don't worry about it---do the same thing again---and SMILE this time before and after what you say


(who can resist a smile:approve:)
 
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  • #52
It could be that she was waiting for me to be more personal like asking what is her name etc rather then just questions about the subject. However to be honest she is not pretty enough for me to 'go' for her so outwardly. I was actually expecting her to get more personal with me as I made the move but she didn't.

Guess what, she waited after class again today but I didn't say anything. Although she could have been waiting for reasons that I am not aware of like waiting inside a lecture theatre instead of waiting outside for a bus. Or just enjoying sitting inside an empty lecture theatre?
 
  • #53
theoritician said:
I was actually expecting her to get more personal with me as I made the move but she didn't.

You know what, that will probably never happen. You don't sound like a social person and for her to ask something personal would mean putting pressure on herself. Therefore, girls hate pressure implies you'll never get asked.

Take the lead. End of story.

Find another girl though. If that fails, find another. Over and over.
 
  • #54
theoritician said:
Guess what, she waited after class again today but I didn't say anything. Although she could have been waiting for reasons that I am not aware of like waiting inside a lecture theatre instead of waiting outside for a bus. Or just enjoying sitting inside an empty lecture theatre?
Or the more sensible reason:
moose said:
It's probable that she had the same question, or maybe just wanted to hear further clarification.

Hell, I do this sometimes! (And many others, too.) If someone asks the professor something interesting after class, I may hang around and listen or join the discussion.
 
  • #55
theoritician said:
It could be that she was waiting for me to be more personal like asking what is her name etc rather then just questions about the subject. However to be honest she is not pretty enough for me to 'go' for her so outwardly. I was actually expecting her to get more personal with me as I made the move but she didn't.

Guess what, she waited after class again today but I didn't say anything. Although she could have been waiting for reasons that I am not aware of like waiting inside a lecture theatre instead of waiting outside for a bus. Or just enjoying sitting inside an empty lecture theatre?

Maybe you're just not ready for something like this. Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again, especially since it sounds like you don't know what to do.---I'm guessing, but, are you, what, around 12 or 13 years old?
 
  • #56
rewebster said:
Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again

Um... NO!

Social skills take practice. Go out there like I said and try again. Different girl. Try and try again. Eventually you'll see how some things are done right and how some aren't. And don't assume they're not interested until there is a vivid sign.

I personally walk around as if every girl who looks at me wants me (in a good way, not just a standard look). Obviously there is lots of things you can do, like better body language and stuff, but that should eventually come naturally. Put it this way, when I sneezed while walking by two very attractive girls, they smiled and said "Bless you." That have never happened before. I'm more open to start a conversation with and easier to approach than I was before. Sounds arrogant or whatever you will, but I'm getting along with girls all the time. Way better than I did before with the old... doubting any girl likes me. Lame way to think.

I also found that having a good friend to talk about things is good too. I enjoy discussing the social aspects of everything. It's always fun. I found from the conversations that I have that I have improved greatly with men and women.
 
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  • #57
rewebster said:
I'm guessing, but, are you, what, around 12 or 13 years old?
12 and 13 year olds don't call their teacher's 'prof' and they go to 'class' not 'lectures'. Buy hey, I'm guessing too!

Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again
and wait for what exactly? Why not spend that year or two practicing instead of... waiting? Waiting is boring and nonconstructive.
 
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  • #58
morphism said:
Or the more sensible reason:


Hell, I do this sometimes! (And many others, too.) If someone asks the professor something interesting after class, I may hang around and listen or join the discussion.

Well on that occassion, no one was asking any questions. I stayed behind copying some optional stuff from the overhead. Most others left. She just sat there doing nothing.

I forgot to say that the day before, I sat next to her without saying a single word to each other.
 
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  • #59
rewebster said:
Maybe you're just not ready for something like this. Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again, especially since it sounds like you don't know what to do.---I'm guessing, but, are you, what, around 12 or 13 years old?

No, if only. Flip 12 around and that's more like it. In fact when I was younger I would purposely avoid females or showing very bad body language when they are around, especially the attractive ones.

I heard Dirac was had no clue about females even at age 28.
 
  • #60
JasonRox said:
You know what, that will probably never happen. You don't sound like a social person and for her to ask something personal would mean putting pressure on herself. Therefore, girls hate pressure implies you'll never get asked.

Take the lead. End of story.

Find another girl though. If that fails, find another. Over and over.

It has happened before to me on four separate occasions. Although they were during my mid teenage years with the girls also that age. So maybe that may not count. That was also during the time when I indifferent to girls after that I avoided girls until now really, when I am a bit more open and understand that they are humans as well:).
 
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  • #61
theoritician said:
Well on that occassion, no one was asking any questions. I stayed behind copying some optional stuff from the overhead. Most others left. She just sat there doing nothing.

I forgot to say that the day before, I sat next to her without saying a single word to each other.
This is the kind of info that should have been in post #1, not page 4.
theoritician said:
It has happened before to me on four separate occasions. Although they were during my mid teenage years with the girls also that age. So maybe that may not count. That was also during the time when I indifferent to girls after that I avoided girls until now really, when I am a bit more open and understand that they are humans as well:).
I wouldn't give that speach to girls if I were you. :smile::smile:
 
  • #62
Smurf said:
This is the kind of info that should have been in post #1, not page 4.

The info in post 1 are all correct. But the most recent post you quoted described the situation yesterday and the thread started a week ago. New situations arise you know.
 
  • #63
theoritician said:
The info in post 1 are all correct. But the most recent post you quoted described the situation yesterday and the thread started a week ago. New situations arise you know.

Are you another member under a different name? :confused:
 
  • #64
theoritician said:
The info in post 1 are all correct. But the most recent post you quoted described the situation yesterday and the thread started a week ago. New situations arise you know.
Ah, perhaps I was confused.
 
  • #65
JasonRox said:
You know what, that will probably never happen. You don't sound like a social person and for her to ask something personal would mean putting pressure on herself. Therefore, girls hate pressure implies you'll never get asked.

Take the lead. End of story.

Find another girl though. If that fails, find another. Over and over.
I would actually disagree with JasonRox on this point. If you're interesting enough and they're comfortable enough with you (doesn't take long to do this) then girls WILL ask your name, and will initiate more personal levels of communication. Also, doing so should be taken as a sign of interest.

But hey, don't take my word for it. Practice makes perfect. Chat girls up whenever you see 'em. Don't know what to say? Anything will do, tell a story, make something up. Don't like lying? Make something up, then tell her you made it up! For example, next time your at the grocery store pick the Check-out with the prettiest girl. When its your turn, tell her it's your birthday next week and your girlfriend wants to take you to the local strip club to celebrate (whats up with that? :biggrin:) Whatever. Telling a story is my favorite way to start a conversation. Smile. If you're friendly, people are generally friendly back to you. If she isn't don't worry, it's not you, she probably just had a bad day! Practice. People are everywhere, this is one thing you don't have to go out of your way to practice doing. Unless you live on a farm.
 
  • #66
JasonRox said:
Are you another member under a different name? :confused:
He might be pivoxa15?
 
  • #67
morphism said:
He might be pivoxa15?

Yeah, that was my guess too!
 
  • #68
Smurf said:
I would actually disagree with JasonRox on this point. If you're interesting enough and they're comfortable enough with you (doesn't take long to do this) then girls WILL ask your name, and will initiate more personal levels of communication. Also, doing so should be taken as a sign of interest.

Yes, but if he's not really a sociable person, no one will feel comfortable asking him those questions. Talking to someone who lacks social skills isn't an easy thing to do.

He seems to lack social skills. I'm not talking about skills with girls, but fundamental social skills. (Like worse than AFC.)
 
  • #69
JasonRox said:
Yes, but if he's not really a sociable person, no one will feel comfortable asking him those questions. Talking to someone who lacks social skills isn't an easy thing to do.

He seems to lack social skills. I'm not talking about skills with girls, but fundamental social skills. (Like worse than AFC.)
I see your point. I guess it's back to 'practice! practice!'. Most of this stuff isn't really specific to dates, it's just social skills.
 
  • #70
theoritician said:
It has happened before to me on four separate occasions. Although they were during my mid teenage years with the girls also that age. So maybe that may not count. That was also during the time when I indifferent to girls after that I avoided girls until now really, when I am a bit more open and understand that they are humans as well:).

1--women are usually more afraid of being rejected than most men

2--you won't do anything until you reach the threshold temperature

3--women are not praying mantis (usually)

4--if you don't talk to her (like it's a personal thing) it won't become a personal thing
 
  • #71
rewebster said:
1--women are usually more afraid of being rejected than most men

2--you won't do anything until you reach the threshold temperature

3--women are not praying mantis (usually)

4--if you don't talk to her (like it's a personal thing) it won't become a personal thing

1. I disagree. Men are really afraid to get rejected, hence why they never want to approach girls and complain that girls should ask them out for once. Stop being a baby and grow some balls. Plus, most girls ask men when they want them. They surely don't kitty out like most men.

I have no idea what you meant by the rest though.
 
  • #72
Seems to me like she wants to hear questions asked by others because she cares about learning. Now you are just obsessing over something that is nothing and coming off as a desperate weirdo. I would stay away from her because I don't see this ending well.
 
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  • #73
Anyway, its continued. I was staying back with another classmate discussing about some material after class and everyone else was gone except her, sitting by herself doing nothing.

I left without saying anything to her through the back door. But the theme of the thread continues, what is going on?
 
  • #74
A colleague of mine has some kind of implant, I'm not sure if it's a pacemaker or what, but anyways he has to stay sitting down until it's stopped doing what it's doing. Maybe she has a similar thing?
 
  • #75
Do you know if she ever stays after in class during the times that you don't?
 
  • #76
TestUser12 said:
A colleague of mine has some kind of implant, I'm not sure if it's a pacemaker or what, but anyways he has to stay sitting down until it's stopped doing what it's doing. Maybe she has a similar thing?
entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity
 
  • #77
Smurf. Of course you're right. But don't you think that the speculation about her staying around to watch him because she likes him is an equal amount of multiplication?
 
  • #78
moose said:
Do you know if she ever stays after in class during the times that you don't?

Thats impossible to answer but I think the answer is no.
 
  • #79
TestUser12 said:
Smurf. Of course you're right. But don't you think that the speculation about her staying around to watch him because she likes him is an equal amount of multiplication?

I sit behind her so she isn't watching me.
 
  • #80
theoritician said:
I sit behind her so she isn't watching me.

First---do YOU want to ask her out on a date? (yes or no)


if no, this is all just fantasy


if yes, then, what is your fear as to why you haven't asked her yet?

if it is the fear of being rejected (like you have strongly alluded to), then where does this fear come from?
 
  • #81
rewebster said:
First---do YOU want to ask her out on a date? (yes or no)if no, this is all just fantasyif yes, then, what is your fear as to why you haven't asked her yet?

if it is the fear of being rejected (like you have strongly alluded to), then where does this fear come from?
I know that if she asked me out for a date, I would go. But that is not going to happen is it?

The hardest things is to get the conversation started. She clearly is not interested in talking about the subject matter as I have tried talking to her about it from last time. It seems she is not talkative in general. She might also not be enrolled in the class and is listening for interest sake only because I have not seen her take past exams in the prereq subjects and she told me that she dosen't do the excercises.

So the hardest thing is making the experience of talking to her enjoyable and appear unforced and then things might happen from there. But this initial step is proving to be impossible especially after the bad start I had a week ago. To be honest, had she not waited after class, I probably would forget about her.

Maybe what I should do is if next time she waits, I go ask her why she is waiting around. So I will get a conversation started. At worst I will find out
'what is going on' which is what I am dying to know.
 
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  • #82
TestUser12 said:
Smurf. Of course you're right. But don't you think that the speculation about her staying around to watch him because she likes him is an equal amount of multiplication?
Well it's not a sure thing, but I'd say it's still more likely. Besides, which one is more fun? :biggrin:
 
  • #83
theoritician said:
I know that if she asked me out for a date, I would go. But that is not going to happen is it?

The hardest things is to get the conversation started. She clearly is not interested in talking about the subject matter as I have tried talking to her about it from last time. It seems she is not talkative in general. She might also not be enrolled in the class and is listening for interest sake only because I have not seen her take past exams in the prereq subjects and she told me that she dosen't do the excercises.

So the hardest thing is making the experience of talking to her enjoyable and appear unforced and then things might happen from there. But this initial step is proving to be impossible especially after the bad start I had a week ago. To be honest, had she not waited after class, I probably would forget about her.

Maybe what I should do is if next time she waits, I go ask her why she is waiting around. So I will get a conversation started. At worst I will find out
'what is going on' which is what I am dying to know.

sounds like a plan, man.
 
  • #84
Smurf said:
Don't like lying? Make something up, then tell her you made it up! For example, next time your at the grocery store pick the Check-out with the prettiest girl. When its your turn, tell her it's your birthday next week and your girlfriend wants to take you to the local strip club to celebrate (whats up with that? :biggrin:) Whatever. Telling a story is my favorite way to start a conversation. Smile. If you're friendly, people are generally friendly back to you. If she isn't don't worry, it's not you, she probably just had a bad day! Practice. People are everywhere, this is one thing you don't have to go out of your way to practice doing. Unless you live on a farm.

Man, lying is just stupid. It's not a flirting technique. It's flat out lying and it's retarded.

If I'm a wing or someone is a wing with me, one of my top rules is no lying. I hate that crap. I hate how some people seem to think it's a flirting technique. Lame.
 
  • #85
One more trivial matter I forgot to mention. Last time when I asked her a question, I accidently covered the question area with my hand and when she was trying to explain, she laid her hand on top of mine for 15 seconds or so, as if to point to the question I was covering. Is that a girlie thing or what? Certainly no one has done something like that before to me when explaining a problem. They would point to the question area but not physically touch my hand. By actually touching my hand, I couldn't remove my hand from the question area so she didn't really help to see the problem. In fact I was mildly shocked at the time. Does that mean anything though?
 
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  • #86
theoritician said:
One more trivial matter I forgot to mention. Last time when I asked her a question, I accidently covered the question area with my hand and when she was trying to explain, she laid her hand on top of mine for 15 seconds or so, as if to point to the question I was covering. Is that a girlie thing or what? Certainly no one has done something like that before to me when explaining a problem. They would point to the question area but not physically touch my hand. By actually touching my hand, I couldn't remove my hand from the question area so she didn't really help to see the problem. In fact I was mildly shocked at the time. Does that mean anything though?

are you saying that that experience was pleasant and enjoyable?
 
  • #87
theoritician said:
One more trivial matter I forgot to mention. Last time when I asked her a question, I accidently covered the question area with my hand and when she was trying to explain, she laid her hand on top of mine for 15 seconds or so, as if to point to the question I was covering. Is that a girlie thing or what? Certainly no one has done something like that before to me when explaining a problem. They would point to the question area but not physically touch my hand. By actually touching my hand, I couldn't remove my hand from the question area so she didn't really help to see the problem. In fact I was mildly shocked at the time. Does that mean anything though?

How can anyone guess an answer to that? Why don't you just ask her if she wants to do something, then you'll get an answer and won't be sat wondering about every little thing that happens between you two. Moonbear's advice is good: ask her if she wants to get together to study, that way you may be more comfortable. But, seriously, you need to decide either to leave her or ask her out; you can't sit in limbo forever!
 
  • #88
(he may be a virgin--everyone 'matures' at a different rate)
 
  • #89
I got the facts wrong. I covered the question except the first line and a bit. She was trying to point across the line as she read and so touched my hand as a result. It could be a subconscious thing on her behalf, indicating that she likes me.
 
  • #90
so she's been waiting after class, and then not saying anything? I did that a few times in one of my classes because I was interested in what the professor had to say to the students.

how often does she stay after class when youre NOT there?

Maybe she's just weird or something?
 
  • #91
theoritician said:
I got the facts wrong. I covered the question except the first line and a bit. She was trying to point across the line as she read and so touched my hand as a result. It could be a subconscious thing on her behalf, indicating that she likes me.
It's rather curious how ingrained into our society Freudian concepts like the subconscious are, and since Freud's been discredited on everything else, I'm skeptical about the whole subconscious theory. I don't think there's any evidence that such a thing even really exists.
 
  • #92
proton said:
so she's been waiting after class, and then not saying anything? I did that a few times in one of my classes because I was interested in what the professor had to say to the students.

how often does she stay after class when youre NOT there?

Maybe she's just weird or something?
We've covered this. Yes, maybe she's just weird or interested in what the prof's saying, but let's just assume that's not true. The alternative is so much more fun!
 
  • #93
JasonRox said:
Man, lying is just stupid. It's not a flirting technique. It's flat out lying and it's retarded.
...
There may be a misunderstanding here. I was talking about telling jokes. And with the exception of puns and the like, jokes are rarely truthful. Hense the phrase: "He didn't really mean it, he was only joking." I agree with your sentiment about lying and try not to do it myself. Especially when talking to girls.
 
  • #94
proton said:
so she's been waiting after class, and then not saying anything? I did that a few times in one of my classes because I was interested in what the professor had to say to the students.

how often does she stay after class when youre NOT there?

Maybe she's just weird or something?

Well for the last three times she has been waiting after class without the professor present.

I have seen her leave earlier then me.

She must be weird to go to lectures she's not enrolled in. But hey I do that as well.

Although waiting around in an almost empty lecture theatre for no reason is beyond weird. There must be a reason.
 
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  • #95
theoritician said:
Well for the last three times she has been waiting after class without the professor present.

I have seen her leave earlier then me.

She must be weird to go to lectures she's not enrolled in. But hey I do that as well.

Although waiting around in an almost empty lecture theatre for no reason is beyond weird. There must be a reason.

If she sees you not doing much (as much as she may think she's doing), she may, sooner than later, start applying the law of diminishing returns.
 
  • #96
rewebster said:
If she sees you not doing much (as much as she may think she's doing), she may, sooner than later, start applying the law of diminishing returns.

Thats right. I noticed that she was sitting less happily in her chair last time. However smiling the first two times.

I thought it was all over after she didn't attempt to make any conversation with me when I sat next to her. That is why I didn't really enjoy her touching my hand because I thought I had made a fool of myself by guessing incorrectly.
 
  • #97
Smurf said:
It's rather curious how ingrained into our society Freudian concepts like the subconscious are, and since Freud's been discredited on everything else, I'm skeptical about the whole subconscious theory. I don't think there's any evidence that such a thing even really exists.

I believe in this subconscious thing to some extent. I believe in biology and less in psychology but his subconscious theory does go in line with the jest of evolution theory.
 
  • #98
Smurf said:
It's rather curious how ingrained into our society Freudian concepts like the subconscious are, and since Freud's been discredited on everything else, I'm skeptical about the whole subconscious theory. I don't think there's any evidence that such a thing even really exists.

Are you consciously controlling the beat of your heart?
 
  • #99
theoritician said:
Thats right. I noticed that she was sitting less happily in her chair last time. However smiling the first two times.

I thought it was all over after she didn't attempt to make any conversation with me when I sat next to her. That is why I didn't really enjoy her touching my hand because I thought I had made a fool of myself by guessing incorrectly.

well, I would guess that you may not have enough interest in her, specifically, to overcome your shyness to ask her out for coffee. --and that may be your loss; because, some guys don't ever find a woman that stays around as long as she has, and waiting, for you to make a move. It sounds like if you don't do 'something' in the next few times, especially if she not enrolled in those classes, she going to be gone.
 
  • #100
My suggestion is to get over it.
 

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