Why Do Female Students Listen to Male Students' Questions Without Interacting?

[Smurf]

She's a hit man for the Russian Mafia, only logical conclusion. I suggest you flee the country immediately, perhaps try to find a safe house in Kuala lumpur. Quick, book the first available flight, and don't tell anyone where you are going!

Now now SD, Just cause he's paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get him!


Sometimes I stay back and listen to my classmates questions. Just cause I don't have anything in particular to ask (or just haven't found the right question yet) doesn't mean I don't want to hear what other people are wondering.

 

[Smurf]

Seriously, until you actually spend some time talking to this girl you have to assume she is NOT interested in you. (That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to talk to her though...!) And even if she has a banal mathematical conversation with you, that doesn't mean that she wants to date you!

I was once in an upper level math class of about 50 people - I knew only a few other people in the course and I was surprised when a guy from the class approached me for some help on the homework. After I finished talking to him another girl in the class came over and told me not to work with the guy anymore - he wasn't registered in the class and had been asked to withdraw from his program by the department! Turns out his scheme was to go to random senior math courses and try to get the girls to "help" him with the homeworks! He'd been harassing and stalking a couple other girls and the university eventually issued a restraining order against him!

Brilliant! That man's a genius. You should try that with your study-girl, stalk her to her classes!

 

[rewebster]

No she isn't stalking me. I'm not that good. And she isn't crazy, infact fairly intelligent by the look of things.

Yeah I am attracted to her. Why dosen't she talk to me. It would be less time consuming and less puzzling for both of us. Why haven't I talked to her? Because I am too shy and freightened.

There's the problem----if you're not that secure that you can't initiate the conversation with her (because of her looks(?))---BUT you can go up to the prof and ask HIM questions--THEN, how can you transfer THAT confidence of asking the prof a question to asking the girl a question?

 

[theoritician]

There's the problem----if you're not that secure that you can't initiate the conversation with her (because of her looks(?))---BUT you can go up to the prof and ask HIM questions--THEN, how can you transfer THAT confidence of asking the prof a question to asking the girl a question?

I'd say because of 'her' as in a female and the fact that I am attracted to her makes me very panicky and insecure which results in me not able to strike a conversation. This happens with other females I am attracted to as well. Quite a bad problem to have. However if they speak first then things become much easier for me.

 

[rewebster]

I'd say because of 'her' as in a female and the fact that I am attracted to her makes me very panicky and insecure which results in me not able to strike a conversation. This happens with other females I am attracted to as well. Quite a bad problem to have. However if they speak first then things become much easier for me.

do you ask a waiter a question first?---or do you wait for him to talk?


when you buy something from a store, do you speak first at the check out (or wait)?

if your clothes were on fire (while you were wearing them), would you wait until someone else came along to put them out?

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

I'd say because of 'her' as in a female and the fact that I am attracted to her makes me very panicky and insecure which results in me not able to strike a conversation. This happens with other females I am attracted to as well. Quite a bad problem to have. However if they speak first then things become much easier for me.

Sounds familiar, just bite the bullet and say something, if she likes you it won't matter too much how you say it, well within reason, I mean if you do one of that slurring your voice things your so nervous, she'll probably think your mildly retarded. Like I said ask her if she's stuck on something too, then let it go from there, that's completely noncommittal and allows you to see if she's interested in you without getting a knock back. As for reading the signs well that takes practice, but if she's still talking to you after five minutes that's a good sign. offer to walk her back to her campus...

 

[rewebster]

Sounds familiar, just bite the bullet and say something, if she likes you it won't matter too much how you say it, well within reason, I mean if you do one of that slurring your voice things your so nervous, she'll probably think your mildly retarded. Like I said ask her if she's stuck on something too, then let it go from there, that's completely noncommittal and allows you to see if she's interested in you without getting a knock back. As for reading the signs well that takes practice, but if she's still talking to you after five minutes that's a good sign. offer to walk her back to her campus...

that's kind of what I was saying--if you don't (he doesn't) talk first (act) to do something (put out the fire), it may be a 'regret' later (if only I would have...). If you (theoritician) speak first, what's the worst that could happen? (compared to never saying anything)

Re-tart-ed?--

-and I thought my answer was semi-indirect (the 'on fire' one)

 

[theoritician]

Come to think of it the fact that she is listening from a distance means she is not interested in the discussion nor does she want to ask a question herself after me (as she is not bothering to que behind after me). So it might not be so good to ask her if she was stuck on the same problem or whatever I was discussing with the prof?

So it seems it must be me she is interested in? She is taking some sort of 'risk' or at least effort in doing this so I should repay back somehow. I see it as a risk because how would you feel if you were waiting for someone only to find that they leave after they are done with whatever they are doing.

 

[rewebster]

Come to think of it the fact that she is listening from a distance means she is not interested in the discussion nor does she want to ask a question herself after me (as she is not bothering to que behind after me). So it might not be so good to ask her if she was stuck on the same problem or whatever I was discussing with the prof?

So it seems it must be me she is interested in? She is taking some sort of 'risk' or at least effort in doing this so I should repay back somehow. I see it as a risk because how would you feel if you were waiting for someone only to find that they leave after they are done with whatever they are doing.

If she's sitting down already and there's a seat halfway close, sit there and strike up a conversation--that way she won't feel like she is going to be or the possibility of being rejected.

The other way, since she has come up 'around' you several times already, after the class is over, get up first and stand in an opening (a non-threatening area) and wait for her to walk by (which it sounds she will) and make a comment about something when she walks by.

(if there's a dollar on the floor, are you going to just look at it? ---with the possibility of someone else picking it up?)

 

[theoritician]

If she's sitting down already and there's a seat halfway close, sit there and strike up a conversation--that way she won't feel like she is going to be or the possibility of being rejected.

The other way, since she has come up 'around' you several times already, after the class is over, get up first and stand in an opening (a non-threatening area) and wait for her to walk by (which it sounds she will) and make a comment about something when she walks by.

(if there's a dollar on the floor, are you going to just look at it? ---with the possibility of someone else picking it up?)

I like your analogies. She didn't wait for me today which made me rather sad. I don't want to be sad so I will make the intiative tomorrow and report back.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Good man, good luck

 

[theoritician]

Negative is the word I would use to describe my experience. We exchanged greetings and I sat next to her and asked her some questions about the subject we were doing. However she didn't ask me any questions which was discouraging so I had to make all the conversation basically. I didn't ask her any questions beyond the course though.

I don't know why I bother I think I should go back to dreaming instead.

 

[oedipa maas]

Hey there, don't be so down on yourself! You initiated a conversation with the girl and she turned out to be kind of boring... Don't worry - there are lots of fish in the sea!

 

[JasonRox]

I noticed that happen every now and then. After being a TA, and seeing the students who do do it, it most likely seems to be that the student is having a hard time and is trying to learn more. She was probably interested in your questions just to see if she understood everything and didn't miss anything.

 

[JasonRox]

Negative is the word I would use to describe my experience. We exchanged greetings and I sat next to her and asked her some questions about the subject we were doing. However she didn't ask me any questions which was discouraging so I had to make all the conversation basically. I didn't ask her any questions beyond the course though.

I don't know why I bother I think I should go back to dreaming instead.

I wouldn't have sat next to her. I would have just went like...

Me - Hey, I noticed you have quite some interest in this class.

Her - I guess so.

Me - I don't have to get going in a second, but I just liked to ask... how are you?

Her - I'm ok. (Standard response)

Me - I've always wondered...

And talk about whatever at that point. The fact that you're leaving in a few seconds takes a lot of pressure off a girl. That way she knows that you won't stick around like a freak if you happen to be one. So, she becomes more open to getting to know you. And when class begins, sit somewhere else.

 

[JasonRox]

Seriously, until you actually spend some time talking to this girl you have to assume she is NOT interested in you.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

If a girl sends a signal, what I would call a sign of interest then I assume she's interested right off the bat. Just like that. That simple. That easy.

If you assume she isn't according to your bad analogy, then you're making excuses to not talk to her and you end up putting pressure on yourself and all that jazz.

Screw it. I'm not even going to bother explaining. Stick to the old frustrasted plugs method, which fail. I don't care.

 

[Smurf]

I'd listen to Jason if I were you, he's a PUA.

 

[JasonRox]

I'd listen to Jason if I were you, he's a PUA.

Yes, Pua all the way!

 

[oedipa maas]

Seriously, until you actually spend some time talking to this girl you have to assume she is NOT interested in you. (That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to talk to her though...!)

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

If a girl sends a signal, what I would call a sign of interest then I assume she's interested right off the bat. Just like that. That simple. That easy.

But staying after class to listen to another student query the professor is NOT a "sign of interest"! Moreover, a girl who talks to you about the homework is not showing a "sign of interest"!

Here's a litmus test: so a girl seems interested in you. Okay, now pretend for a moment that this girl is a guy, behaving exactly the same way. Is he being friendly and fraternal, or is he being flirtatious?

 

[Smurf]

But staying after class to listen to another student query the professor is NOT a "sign of interest"! Moreover, a girl who talks to you about the homework is not showing a "sign of interest"!

Here's a litmus test: so a girl seems interested in you. Okay, now pretend for a moment that this girl is a guy, behaving exactly the same way. Is he being friendly and fraternal, or is he being flirtatious?

Yeah totally, women and men behave exactly the same. Hey, here's another tip: Next time you sleep with a girl, try pretending she's a dude again! That'll go over well. "Spank me Jeffery! Ugh! Ugh!" :!)

Alright look, Theoritician. Too bad your chat didn't go to well. Next time, though, I still encourage you to listen to Schroedinger's Dog and JasonRox. Secondly, don't stop pursuing this girl until she actually shoots you down (and maybe not even then, depending on the reaction). Not showing interest might just mean she's involved with another guy. Nothing to sweat over.

 

[rewebster]

Negative is the word I would use to describe my experience. We exchanged greetings and I sat next to her and asked her some questions about the subject we were doing. However she didn't ask me any questions which was discouraging so I had to make all the conversation basically. I didn't ask her any questions beyond the course though.

I don't know why I bother I think I should go back to dreaming instead.

don't worry about it---do the same thing again---and SMILE this time before and after what you say


(who can resist a smile)

 

[theoritician]

It could be that she was waiting for me to be more personal like asking what is her name etc rather then just questions about the subject. However to be honest she is not pretty enough for me to 'go' for her so outwardly. I was actually expecting her to get more personal with me as I made the move but she didn't.

Guess what, she waited after class again today but I didn't say anything. Although she could have been waiting for reasons that I am not aware of like waiting inside a lecture theatre instead of waiting outside for a bus. Or just enjoying sitting inside an empty lecture theatre?

 

[JasonRox]

I was actually expecting her to get more personal with me as I made the move but she didn't.

You know what, that will probably never happen. You don't sound like a social person and for her to ask something personal would mean putting pressure on herself. Therefore, girls hate pressure implies you'll never get asked.

Take the lead. End of story.

Find another girl though. If that fails, find another. Over and over.

 

[morphism]

Guess what, she waited after class again today but I didn't say anything. Although she could have been waiting for reasons that I am not aware of like waiting inside a lecture theatre instead of waiting outside for a bus. Or just enjoying sitting inside an empty lecture theatre?

Or the more sensible reason:

It's probable that she had the same question, or maybe just wanted to hear further clarification.

Hell, I do this sometimes! (And many others, too.) If someone asks the professor something interesting after class, I may hang around and listen or join the discussion.

 

[rewebster]

It could be that she was waiting for me to be more personal like asking what is her name etc rather then just questions about the subject. However to be honest she is not pretty enough for me to 'go' for her so outwardly. I was actually expecting her to get more personal with me as I made the move but she didn't.

Guess what, she waited after class again today but I didn't say anything. Although she could have been waiting for reasons that I am not aware of like waiting inside a lecture theatre instead of waiting outside for a bus. Or just enjoying sitting inside an empty lecture theatre?

Maybe you're just not ready for something like this. Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again, especially since it sounds like you don't know what to do.---I'm guessing, but, are you, what, around 12 or 13 years old?

 

[JasonRox]

Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again

Um... NO!

Social skills take practice. Go out there like I said and try again. Different girl. Try and try again. Eventually you'll see how some things are done right and how some aren't. And don't assume they're not interested until there is a vivid sign.

I personally walk around as if every girl who looks at me wants me (in a good way, not just a standard look). Obviously there is lots of things you can do, like better body language and stuff, but that should eventually come naturally. Put it this way, when I sneezed while walking by two very attractive girls, they smiled and said "Bless you." That have never happened before. I'm more open to start a conversation with and easier to approach than I was before. Sounds arrogant or whatever you will, but I'm getting along with girls all the time. Way better than I did before with the old... doubting any girl likes me. Lame way to think.

I also found that having a good friend to talk about things is good too. I enjoy discussing the social aspects of everything. It's always fun. I found from the conversations that I have that I have improved greatly with men and women.

 

[Smurf]

I'm guessing, but, are you, what, around 12 or 13 years old?

12 and 13 year olds don't call their teacher's 'prof' and they go to 'class' not 'lectures'. Buy hey, I'm guessing too!

Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again

and wait for what exactly? Why not spend that year or two practicing instead of... waiting? Waiting is boring and nonconstructive.

 

[theoritician]

Or the more sensible reason:


Hell, I do this sometimes! (And many others, too.) If someone asks the professor something interesting after class, I may hang around and listen or join the discussion.

Well on that occassion, no one was asking any questions. I stayed behind copying some optional stuff from the overhead. Most others left. She just sat there doing nothing.

I forgot to say that the day before, I sat next to her without saying a single word to each other.

 

[theoritician]

Maybe you're just not ready for something like this. Maybe it would be best to wait two or three more years before you try something like this again, especially since it sounds like you don't know what to do.---I'm guessing, but, are you, what, around 12 or 13 years old?

No, if only. Flip 12 around and that's more like it. In fact when I was younger I would purposely avoid females or showing very bad body language when they are around, especially the attractive ones.

I heard Dirac was had no clue about females even at age 28.

 

[theoritician]

You know what, that will probably never happen. You don't sound like a social person and for her to ask something personal would mean putting pressure on herself. Therefore, girls hate pressure implies you'll never get asked.

Take the lead. End of story.

Find another girl though. If that fails, find another. Over and over.

It has happened before to me on four separate occasions. Although they were during my mid teenage years with the girls also that age. So maybe that may not count. That was also during the time when I indifferent to girls after that I avoided girls until now really, when I am a bit more open and understand that they are humans as well:).