Why Do Female Students Listen to Male Students' Questions Without Interacting?

[theoritician]

well, I would guess that you may not have enough interest in her, specifically, to overcome your shyness to ask her out for coffee. --and that may be your loss; because, some guys don't ever find a woman that stays around as long as she has, and waiting, for you to make a move. It sounds like if you don't do 'something' in the next few times, especially if she not enrolled in those classes, she going to be gone.

Are there woman out there that make the move themselves, instead of spending so much effort waiting for the other party to make the move?

I think her primarily interest is in listening to the subjects as she listened to the prereq subjects the year before as well. So she won't be gone but will take less interest in me. In fact I think she was frowning today when I had the opportunity to talk to her but didn't and she didn't try to wait around. I take things too seriously. Must relax a bit.

 

[JasonRox]

Are there woman out there that make the move themselves, instead of spending so much effort waiting for the other party to make the move?

Um... girls make moves all the time. Just that men are too stupid to notice. A lot of them even ask out men, so it can't get anymore obvious.

i.e. A girl at the beginning of summer told me she's looking for a sex partner but no strings attach. What does that mean? She wants me as her sex partner, duh! (Had a girlfriend at the time, and the girl was disapointed. I'll see her at school this year though. )

i.e. Girl says we should hang out. She wants me.

If you actually TALK to girls and be SOCIAL with them, you'll see that girls make moves. But they only make moves on guys they want, so if you're boring, it'll never happen. You must be a man of interest, integrity and not afraid to express sexuality. I used to be shy around women and even men, but I've changed a lot over the years. Now, I can just talk to women, flirt, and put my arm around them and all that. It takes practice that's all.

You seem to expect a lot from girls when you seem to rarely ever talk to them (outside of friends and family).

 

[JasonRox]

I think her primarily interest is in listening to the subjects as she listened to the prereq subjects the year before as well. So she won't be gone but will take less interest in me. In fact I think she was frowning today when I had the opportunity to talk to her but didn't and she didn't try to wait around. I take things too seriously. Must relax a bit.

You didn't say anything?

And yes you take things too seriously, get over her. Find someone else.

Just walk up to a random girl who's waiting for class, or looking for a book in the library, eating lunch by herself, etc...

 

[rewebster]

Are there woman out there that make the move themselves, instead of spending so much effort waiting for the other party to make the move?

Is this how you are planning to get your job when you graduate, too?--just waiting for an employer to come up to you, and ask you if you want to work for him?

do you stand outside a restaurant, waiting for someone inside to come out and ask you if you are hungry, and then ask you to sit inside and they will feed you?

I think her primarily interest is in listening to the subjects as she listened to the prereq subjects the year before as well. So she won't be gone but will take less interest in me. In fact I think she was frowning today when I had the opportunity to talk to her but didn't and she didn't try to wait around. I take things too seriously. Must relax a bit.

Its not that you take things too seriously--it may be that you are one of those without an adventurous spirit-(not interested in new things, and trying new things)

 

[theoritician]

Um... girls make moves all the time. Just that men are too stupid to notice. A lot of them even ask out men, so it can't get anymore obvious.

i.e. A girl at the beginning of summer told me she's looking for a sex partner but no strings attach. What does that mean? She wants me as her sex partner, duh! (Had a girlfriend at the time, and the girl was disapointed. I'll see her at school this year though. )

i.e. Girl says we should hang out. She wants me.

If you actually TALK to girls and be SOCIAL with them, you'll see that girls make moves. But they only make moves on guys they want, so if you're boring, it'll never happen. You must be a man of interest, integrity and not afraid to express sexuality. I used to be shy around women and even men, but I've changed a lot over the years. Now, I can just talk to women, flirt, and put my arm around them and all that. It takes practice that's all.

You seem to expect a lot from girls when you seem to rarely ever talk to them (outside of friends and family).

Actually you're right. I have had my fair share as well. I wasn't too stupid to notice but rather disinterested. But people change.

However with this girl, she dosen't want to speak at all. Thats bad when the other person is not talkative either.

 

[theoritician]

Its not that you take things too seriously--it may be that you are one of those without an adventurous spirit-(not interested in new things, and trying new things)

You don't know how serious I feel when I am near her. However very relaxed when thinking about her. In fact its a good state to be into do some rigorous maths but not for socialising.

You're right about that adventure thing.

 

[JasonRox]

You don't know how serious I feel when I am near her. However very relaxed when thinking about her. In fact its a good state to be into do some rigorous maths but not for socialising.

You're right about that adventure thing.

Dude, you making too much out of this.

Rigorous mathematics and girls?

 

[rewebster]

You don't know how serious I feel when I am near her. However very relaxed when thinking about her. In fact its a good state to be into do some rigorous maths but not for socialising.

You're right about that adventure thing.

It sounds like you're in that 98% of the population that listens (hears) to other peoples (good) advice but never actually follows any of it.



STEP 1) Think about the fact that you HAVE already TALKED to her (about the class, or whatever it was).

STEP 2) Since you HAVE talked to her already (and you didn't faint or keel over), talk to her again about the same stuff---'whatever' it was (logically, you won't faint or keel over, because you didn't the first time).


STEP 3) Repeat STEP 2 (over and over again, if necessary)

 

[JasonRox]

It sounds like you're in that 98% of the population that listens (hears) to other peoples (good) advice but never actually follows any of it.

But 99% of advice is bad advice.

 

[rewebster]

But 99% of advice is bad advice.

so out of all the posts...?

 

[JasonRox]

So, since this is a girl talk thread, I have a question myself.

What do you guys think a 23 year old going out with an 18 year old girl?

I turned down an 18 year old just based on the fact that we couldn't go to bars together. Which was funny because she was like... "We should hang out sometime." and I'm just like... "We can go to so-and-so bar." ... and she responds ..."But I'm 18." ... and I'm just like... "And what else is there to do." (Obviously go to her house is an option. I just felt odd hooking up with a girl that can't even go to the bars.) She seemed frustrated, but oh well. She'll come see me again and be like... "I'm 19 now!" Haha.

Anyways, what do you guys think about it?

I figured it's ok now that I think about it. (Well actually it's because 50% of the girls I meet are 18-19 years old. And now I got a job where I'll be working with mostly 1st year students, so it's going to be more like 90% are going to be 18.)

I don't see the big deal now. If she's cool, she's cool.

Note: I have my eye on two girls right now and both are 21. Just that one has a boyfriend, but she doesn't seem to care. I stopped talking to her pretty much because she isn't getting anything until she ditches her boyfriend.

 

[EnumaElish]

What is giong on?

You are smart; no one in this forum can or will figure it out for you.

 

[Smurf]

It sounds like you're in that 98% of the population that listens (hears) to other peoples (good) advice but never actually follows any of it.



STEP 1) Think about the fact that you HAVE already TALKED to her (about the class, or whatever it was).

STEP 2) Since you HAVE talked to her already (and you didn't faint or keel over), talk to her again about the same stuff---'whatever' it was (logically, you won't faint or keel over, because you didn't the first time).


STEP 3) Repeat STEP 2 (over and over again, if necessary)

You might try talking about something else as well. Otherwise it'll be like "I have nothing to talk about with this guy" and if you ever do get her to go out with you, she'll flake.

 

[theoritician]

If you actually TALK to girls and be SOCIAL with them, you'll see that girls make moves. But they only make moves on guys they want, so if you're boring, it'll never happen. You must be a man of interest, integrity and not afraid to express sexuality. I used to be shy around women and even men, but I've changed a lot over the years. Now, I can just talk to women, flirt, and put my arm around them and all that. It takes practice that's all.

You seem to expect a lot from girls when you seem to rarely ever talk to them (outside of friends and family).

I've realized there is quite some truths in your statement. I use to laugh at people who try to be sociable in a mix sex environment but now they are the people laughing at me (including you I'd imagine).

 

[rewebster]

So, since this is a girl talk thread, I have a question myself.

What do you guys think a 23 year old going out with an 18 year old girl?

I turned down an 18 year old just based on the fact that we couldn't go to bars together. Which was funny because she was like... "We should hang out sometime." and I'm just like... "We can go to so-and-so bar." ... and she responds ..."But I'm 18." ... and I'm just like... "And what else is there to do." (Obviously go to her house is an option. I just felt odd hooking up with a girl that can't even go to the bars.) She seemed frustrated, but oh well. She'll come see me again and be like... "I'm 19 now!" Haha.

Anyways, what do you guys think about it?

I figured it's ok now that I think about it. (Well actually it's because 50% of the girls I meet are 18-19 years old. And now I got a job where I'll be working with mostly 1st year students, so it's going to be more like 90% are going to be 18.)

I don't see the big deal now. If she's cool, she's cool.

Note: I have my eye on two girls right now and both are 21. Just that one has a boyfriend, but she doesn't seem to care. I stopped talking to her pretty much because she isn't getting anything until she ditches her boyfriend.

Are you talking on a Hedonistic level?; or being a 19-year old, is she smart/mature/(she hasn't experienced enough of the world as you) enough for you (being a 23 year old?); or do you only date women that YOU'RE interested in (and not vice-versa)?

 

[rewebster]

I've realized there is quite some truths in your statement. I use to laugh at people who try to be sociable in a mix sex environment but now they are the people laughing at me (including you I'd imagine).

The more you 'feel' isolated, less the chance you'll mingle------


She's wondering if you have any thing to offer to her (conversation, companionship, etc.)-----Do you?


You're carrying on a conservation --here--------if you would talk to her (even) as much as you've posted---I wouldn't see a problem

 

[JasonRox]

do you only date women that YOU'RE interested in (and not vice-versa)?

Of course I only date women I AM interested in. Duh, why would I date someone I'm not interested in.

Oh, and not in the Hedonistic level. Just for fun and chills.

 

[rewebster]

Of course I only date women I AM interested in. Duh, why would I date someone I'm not interested in.

Oh, and not in the Hedonistic level. Just for fun and chills.

that IS the Hedonistic level




and as far as the "DUH" statement, a lot of women date men to FIND OUT whether or not they are interested in YOU (generic 'you', "men")---that 'word' "interested" often means a different thing to some women (as it sounds pretty specific to you).

 

[JasonRox]

and as far as the "DUH" statement, a lot of women date men to FIND OUT whether or not they are interested in YOU (generic 'you', "men")---

That might be your experience, but it's not mine. If I'm on a date with a girl, I'm interested and she's interested. End of story.

Yeah, that is the Hedonistic sense, but I mean pleasure is not the focus.

 

[rewebster]

That might be your experience, but it's not mine. If I'm on a date with a girl, I'm interested and she's interested. End of story.

Yeah, that is the Hedonistic sense, but I mean pleasure is not the focus.

In Hedonism, PLEASURE is the focus

are you thinking 'heathenism' by mistake?

 

[EnumaElish]

I've realized there is quite some truths in your statement. I use to laugh at people who try to be sociable in a mix sex environment

Do you know why you laughed at those people?

but now they are the people laughing at me (including you I'd imagine).

I am not.

 

[theoritician]

Do you know why you laughed at those people?

Because I didn't see the point in putting so much effort into pleasing the opposite sex. Its like laughing at someone who spends a lot of time cleaning their house. However, when you get older you see more point in cleaning the house perhaps, same goes with my original point.

 

[rewebster]

Because I didn't see the point in putting so much effort into pleasing the opposite sex. Its like laughing at someone who spends a lot of time cleaning their house. However, when you get older you see more point in cleaning the house perhaps, same goes with my original point.

If you're even a little depressed, you should make an appointment with the school counselor. He/she may be able to help you. You may have problems more deeply rooted that can be helped from chit-chatting about 'things' on a forum.

 

[JasonRox]

Because I didn't see the point in putting so much effort into pleasing the opposite sex.

I still laugh at those people.

 

[theoritician]

So, since this is a girl talk thread, I have a question myself.

What do you guys think a 23 year old going out with an 18 year old girl?

I turned down an 18 year old just based on the fact that we couldn't go to bars together. Which was funny because she was like... "We should hang out sometime." and I'm just like... "We can go to so-and-so bar." ... and she responds ..."But I'm 18." ... and I'm just like... "And what else is there to do." (Obviously go to her house is an option. I just felt odd hooking up with a girl that can't even go to the bars.) She seemed frustrated, but oh well. She'll come see me again and be like... "I'm 19 now!" Haha.

Anyways, what do you guys think about it?

I figured it's ok now that I think about it. (Well actually it's because 50% of the girls I meet are 18-19 years old. And now I got a job where I'll be working with mostly 1st year students, so it's going to be more like 90% are going to be 18.)

I don't see the big deal now. If she's cool, she's cool.

Note: I have my eye on two girls right now and both are 21. Just that one has a boyfriend, but she doesn't seem to care. I stopped talking to her pretty much because she isn't getting anything until she ditches her boyfriend.

I think its best to be partners with someone as close your own age as possible if you want a serious relationship because life experiences does matter. i.e most people's same sex best friends are at a similar age to them so there must be a good reason for that.

 

[rewebster]

I think its best to be partners with someone as close your own age as possible if you want a serious relationship because life experiences does matter. i.e most people's same sex best friends are at a similar age to them so there must be a good reason for that.

that's good advice (if you are looking for a 'life partner')--are you?

--You may not find that on the first time though---a lot of it is 'trial and error' until you do.


JasonRox says he looking for "Just for fun and chills"

 

[theoritician]

The more you 'feel' isolated, less the chance you'll mingle------


She's wondering if you have any thing to offer to her (conversation, companionship, etc.)-----Do you?


You're carrying on a conservation --here--------if you would talk to her (even) as much as you've posted---I wouldn't see a problem

The thing is I find it hard to do these things mainly due to my lack of experience or practice as Jason was pointing at. But more fundalmentally it could just be the lack of opportunity. i.e if I was stranded on an island with her than communication would be much more natural.

 

[rewebster]

The thing is I find it hard to do these things mainly due to my lack of experience or practice as Jason was pointing at. But more fundalmentally it could just be the lack of opportunity. i.e if I was stranded on an island with her than communication would be much more natural.

THAT is the way you HAVE to think about it---it doesn't matter what else is going on around you and her---because when you start talking to her, 'you and her' become an island.
---------------------------------

if you have a 'plan' (developed from what you want) --it goes easier and with less stess.-----do you 'want' to know her better? you talk to other women, don't you?

 

[JasonRox]

The thing is I find it hard to do these things mainly due to my lack of experience or practice as Jason was pointing at. But more fundalmentally it could just be the lack of opportunity. i.e if I was stranded on an island with her than communication would be much more natural.

Although I'm going for just fun and chills, there is nothing saying that I won't find a special girl. That is the real goal. If I don't find the girl special, I won't have much fun. Having sex is great, but I won't sleep with anyone.

Also, it's all about practice. Don't sweat it. I started from no experience at all too!

 

[Smurf]

The thing is I find it hard to do these things mainly due to my lack of experience or practice as Jason was pointing at. But more fundalmentally it could just be the lack of opportunity. i.e if I was stranded on an island with her than communication would be much more natural.

THAT is the way you HAVE to think about it---it doesn't matter what else is going on around you and her---because when you start talking to her, 'you and her' become an island.
---------------------------------

if you have a 'plan' (developed from what you want) --it goes easier and with less stess.-----do you 'want' to know her better? you talk to other women, don't you?

You know what, there's a reason why they call it "falling" in love. Because the way girls fantasize about it, it's just something that happens, suddenly, unexpectedly, without being planned. So by all means, don't plan. Girls will be less susceptible to you if it seems like your trying to pick them up, just try and talk to them. As people. and 'see' if anything happens. There's, of course, much more to it than that, but if you're just starting out, start with that.

 

[Math Is Hard]

You know what, there's a reason why they call it "falling" in love. Because the way girls fantasize about it, it's just something that happens, suddenly, unexpectedly, without being planned. So by all means, don't plan. Girls will be less susceptible to you if it seems like your trying to pick them up, just try and talk to them. As people. and 'see' if anything happens. There's, of course, much more to it than that, but if you're just starting out, start with that.

Smurf gets it.

 

[theoritician]

Although I'm going for just fun and chills, there is nothing saying that I won't find a special girl. That is the real goal. If I don't find the girl special, I won't have much fun. Having sex is great, but I won't sleep with anyone.

Also, it's all about practice. Don't sweat it. I started from no experience at all too!

What happened to your former girl friends? Do you one at the moment?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Smurf gets it.

Dont be silly. You ladies don't realize what all is involved in making a proper first move. First there's the finding out of your schedule and where you live. Then you have to follow her around in the van and take pics for a while... its grossly complicated. Right guys?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

By the way MIH I understand you like scrabble.
I made you a drink...

;-)

 

[rewebster]

You know what, there's a reason why they call it "falling" in love. Because the way girls fantasize about it, it's just something that happens, suddenly, unexpectedly, without being planned. So by all means, don't plan. Girls will be less susceptible to you if it seems like your trying to pick them up, just try and talk to them. As people. and 'see' if anything happens. There's, of course, much more to it than that, but if you're just starting out, start with that.

Maybe you're past that simple 'planning' stage as to talking to someone. --that part, just try and talk to them is what the 'problem' is that we're talking about and have been talking about. It's easy to say/suggest if you've been through it enough times that its 'no problem' ('just go up and talk to them, what's the problem?').

---Just go up and fly the airplane, What's the problem?----------(do you mean, you CAN'T?)

What happened to your former girl friends? Do you one at the moment?

Here is half the 'problem'---'have' ----(have is 'missing' from your second sentence)

theoritician---'Expectations' are what can mess up a situation. You already have expectations of the meeting, the talking, the acceptance level, the problems, etc. ---and you 'expect' problems at the same time. If you go in with no expectations--none, zero, nada--you won't be disappointed, because you didn't expect anything in the first place.

If you walked up to someone and asked for directions to 'some' place, you wouldn't be disappointed if they didn't answer--because that's the way some people are (the next person may give you them).

You have got to, at least, plan to move your feet (thus, moving your body) toward this woman, and you have to plan to open your mouth and talk to her (if you want), and it would be best to plan on having no expectations.
-----------------------------------------

This will probably make things just worse (but, oh my, what a song!):


http://bedazzled.blogs.com/bedazzled/files/02_the_look_of_love_vocal_dusty_springfield_1.mp3


(hit the 'refresh' button as often as necessary)

 

[JasonRox]

What happened to your former girl friends? Do you one at the moment?

I broke up with my girlfriend like 2-3 months ago. I wasn't happy, so I was just like, it's cut.

I still see her though but in a non-exclusive way. I think it's driving her nuts because she doesn't want me to see anyone else. She's kind of freaking me out now like almost like she thinks we're becoming exclusive or something. I'm hanging out with another girl this week so maybe that will send a message that it's not exclusive. I have no idea. If not, then I'll suggest that we don't see each other again.

I'll tell other girls that I'm seeing someone else at the same time. Most girls generally don't care although most girls and guys think that's not true. It is though. If a girl likes you, she's going to want to be with you... end of story. If that happens to be in a casual setting, they'll do it, but they'll work hard to try and keep all the attention to herself but of course you do your part too. Of course she can see other guys, that doesn't bother me at all. My ex-gf is well aware of the fact that she can.

What pisses me off now is when a girl wants you, but won't dump her boyfriend? It's like... um... you don't even want the guy but you stay with him. You don't want to be that guy. You're at high risk of being in a relationship with a girl that will cheat on you. I'll probably still hook up with the girl, hopefully soon, but damn get rid of the guy. How can you possibly have a happy relationship or marriage (later on) if you cheated? Oh well.

 

[EnumaElish]

Because I didn't see the point in putting so much effort into pleasing the opposite sex. Its like laughing at someone who spends a lot of time cleaning their house. However, when you get older you see more point in cleaning the house perhaps, same goes with my original point.

An apt metaphor. Do you see a lot of clutter in the house?

I support rewebster's advice about seeking professional help. It takes strength and courage.

 

[theoritician]

Had an opportunity today. She waited again and after my questions to the prof. we managed a conversation for the first time. It was quite natural.

 

[TestUser12]

Well done. It only took you nearly a month.

 

[EnumaElish]

Easy does it, TestUser12.

 

[theoritician]

Easy does it, TestUser12.

True, chatting here helped my confidence but in hindsight I should have done it on day 1 or even day 2 had the prof not intervened. Now that I don't freak out saying hi to her, the next step proves a hard challenge and I only have a month left.

 

[TestUser12]

Apologies if I seemed blunt, my point was simply that sometimes in situations like this you need to ignore any shyness and just jump in guns ablazin'. Stewing on the issue just makes it worse and you're only going to live for 900 months, why waste one of them thinking about talking to someone when you could get it over with on day 1?

This comes from experience, I've stewed over things just like theoritician and in my experience it just isn't useful. You just have to get on with it :)

 

[rewebster]

True, chatting here helped my confidence but in hindsight I should have done it on day 1 or even day 2 had the prof not intervened. Now that I don't freak out saying hi to her, the next step proves a hard challenge and I only have a month left.

What are you talking about?

In this 'subset of activities', you've already made it to third base.

Can you say, "Coffee?"

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I have not followed this thread, so I don't know if this is pertinent, or redundant. I was changed from being shy when someone gave me this piece of advice. Start a conversation. If you get nervous, find an excuse to cut and run. Oh! Look at the time. Plant you now, dig you later. The second conversation will go much better that way.

 

[EnumaElish]

True, chatting here helped my confidence but in hindsight I should have done it on day 1 or even day 2 had the prof not intervened. Now that I don't freak out saying hi to her, the next step proves a hard challenge and I only have a month left.

Are you finding an excuse to criticize yourself, as opposed to being realistic and cheerful and saying "I took the first step, yay!"? (Hint: give yourself a break.)

"Easy" really does it better than "hurried" or "stressed."

Have you been neglecting physical activity? When was the last time you broke a sweat?

 

[theoritician]

What are you talking about?

In this 'subset of activities', you've already made it to third base.

Can you say, "Coffee?"

Possibly not. The main thing is to make it natural and a lot of things can go wrong, especially for a theoretician or should I say theoritician like me.

 

[theoritician]

Have you been neglecting physical activity? When was the last time you broke a sweat?

Why do you ask?

 

[mathwonk]

answer to original question:

she may want you to ask her out, or maybe not, the only way to find out is to go ahead and ask her out.

 

[JasonRox]

Why do you ask?

Most people don't break sweats.

 

[theoritician]

answer to original question:

she may want you to ask her out, or maybe not, the only way to find out is to go ahead and ask her out.

I think you've got it. That is why she hasn't done any talking for the past months. But to carry it out into practice is a whole new ball game for me. After all theoreticians don't go out much do they.